People play a key role in our lives and it is impossible to go through life without interacting with others. So it should come as no surprise that people are essential to us, in order to grow and mature - both emotionally and spiritually. As a result, conflict is inevitable and we are going to experience both pain and joy at these relationships. You will encounter some recurring themes throughout this hub that have been added for a specific reason. As with learning anything new, one of the most effective methods is by repetition.

One of the most difficult aspects of life that we have to contend with is injury - physical or emotional - and these events cannot be avoided, no matter how much we wish or pray. It is basic human nature to react with anger and disappointment at another's words or actions when they hurt us. When it happens, we are left with a number of choices:

• 1) We can ignore the incident, which is seldom healthy
• 2) We can lash back immediately or slowly, through words or deeds
• 3) We can hold a grudge
• 4) We can put the blame totally on the other person
• 5) We can maintain our innocence when we confide in our friends and return the hurtful act with unkind and damaging words

OR

• 6) We can take some simple steps to relieve us of the negativity, learn from the experience and continue with our lives and growth.

If you were told that there was a simple method to obtain peace of mind and forgiveness, you would likely assume either this was a total falsehood, involved religious beliefs or there was a catch. Well, it is not a lie nor does religion play any type of role but, yes, there is a small catch. While the method - which I've used for a number of years with great success - is simple to use and takes only a few seconds, it's not easy. Using it successfully depends entirely on how much we want to heal but once learned, it can be applied every time we encounter hurtful people and situations.

It is imperative, however, to consider and understand some simple truths before using this method. This is not a comprehensive list, by any means, and you will likely find other equally important aspects regarding the role of adversity in our lives.

• 1) People are our greatest source of learning essential life lessons. How many times have we been told by parents or people in authority that life isn't fair? Perhaps from a very narrow perspective this is true but in the greater picture, these hurtful and damaging events serve an invaluable purpose. They provide the vehicle for us to experience and learn about aspects of ourselves - that we normally might ignore or take little notice of - and ponder paths or directions we normally wouldn't consider. It is important that we begin to focus very quickly on what new knowledge or lesson we need to learn from the incident because there is ALWAYS something about it that is designed to teach us an essential lesson. Failure to do so will always ensure a repeat of the same type of incident, although it may arrive in a slightly different way.
• 2) Take blame out of the picture. I know you're likely saying this is unrealistic and a load of horse manure. After all, you did nothing - that you're aware of - to warrant the treatment you received and that person went out their way to injure you. It is that attitude that keeps us mired in misery and stuck in place, both emotionally and spiritually. If one chooses to remain in this mind space, variations of the same problem will continue to surface until we make the decision that "enough is enough". Our happiness and peace of mind is our responsibility - totally. To continue to place blame keeps us trapped in a cycle that is very difficult to break free from.
• 3) Hurtful incidents are never random. We all have a number of spirit guides or helpers whose sole responsibility is to ensure that situations present themselves to facilitate our learning and growth. Anytime we feel uncharacteristically bored, on edge, restless, unable to find satisfaction in activities or people that once held our interest - situations in general that once brought great comfort - or ill at ease, it is almost certain that we're not doing something that we need to do. Our guides cannot take direct action in our lives but they can make it very known to us, through various means, that we need to pay attention to a particular issue. Sometimes it takes great pain to arrive as a "wake up call" and force us down a path that we are hesitant - for whatever reasons - to take. Initially, it may make no sense and we'll fight tooth and nail to remain in a place of familiarity but if we wish to find peace within ourselves, it is essential. Holding onto anger, bitterness and resentment takes an incredible amount of personal power and energy from us but it is sometimes easier to remain in an uncomfortable place than to take steps and initiate change. Whatever the event, it hasn't just popped into our life by accident - it has arrived by design and in accordance with a contract we made prior to entering this incarnation.
• 4) Never regard the adversity as punishment. This is a concept that the church, in general, has used to instill fear, guilt and obedience in its followers and it is a faulty and damaging misconception. The great 20^th century Zen philosopher Shunryu Suzuki contended that, "Hell is not a punishment. It's training". Similarly, events that transpire in our lives are not designed to punish us for misdeeds but to teach us and this is crucial, if we wish to employ forgiveness and attain peace of mind. After all, this has nothing to do with "the other guy or girl" - this is totally about finding that peace within ourselves and obtaining an essential component to our maturity and growth. Once learned, like riding a bicycle, it can applied successfully any time WE choose. It sometimes takes enormous pain and suffering for us to take notice of some aspect of our life but never think of it as being punished. It may arrive as an "aha" moment or gradually over a period of time, but eventually we will notice and understand that a change in some aspect of our life is necessary. It is human nature to cling to the familiar, even if causes hardship and misery. The woman who has put up with an unfaithful husband for fear of being on her own or the guy who continues to associate with a person who takes great pains to ridicule them at every opportunity both share a common problem and decision. These are not events or people that are designed to "make us pay for our sins" but rather incidents that open our eyes to reality, not to mention our self worth.

There are other contributing factors that you will likely include with the short list above and that is, in part, the rationale for this hub. When we measure the cost of holding onto resentment and anger as opposed to the benefit of learning to let go, begin to heal and obtain some peace within ourselves, the choice is always ours. That simple admission allows us to take back our power and approach the problem from a position of strength, rather than with a victim mentality. Life is full of choices and it's important we don't regard them as good or bad. Certainly we are going to make what many consider are poor decisions but they are ours to make and they are essential to our learning. How quickly or slowly we "catch on" determines our progress in life and the length of time we remain in a place of discomfort.

So how badly do we want to heal?

As stated earlier, this method is quite simple, requires only a few seconds and is incredibly powerful - but it's not always easy. From personal experience, it has taken me a number of days, applying this tool, before I felt even a slight change within me. A crucial point to remember is that there are no fast and easy methods when ridding ourselves of the emotional baggage that comes with being wronged and wounded. But I can promise you that, if you approach it with a strong desire to heal, and make an honest effort in applying it, you will begin to see results in a relatively short time. As writers, much of our satisfaction is derived from the effort we put into whatever we write. Similarly, the amount of benefit you can receive from using this tool is in direct proportion to the effort that you put into it.

So what's this big secret?

It is essential to begin by taking yourself to a neutral location. I don't mean physically, although finding a quiet place that is free from distractions will be beneficial. I'm referring mainly to a neutral location within your mind where, for a few seconds, the world around you does not exist. This time belongs totally to you and never regard this fact as being selfish or self centered. While you may not have created the problem or difficulty, it is your responsibility to find a way of dealing with it. This is something nobody can do for you, no matter how much you wish or pray. The old saying "If nothing changes, nothing changes" is quite apt. It is direct action on your part that will enact those changes. - no action equals no change.

1) Take one or two deep slow breaths, try to put everything aside, remembering that this short time belongs only to you.

2) Once you feel relatively calm, simply whisper the following words, either aloud or in your mind: "I FORGIVE YOU (say the person's name) AND I WISH YOU WELL."

3) To add a great deal of power to this short ritual, you can apply a visualization. Sometimes our injury is incurred by people who have passed over and no longer in the physical realm and adding an image to our healing practice can act as a means of closure. After saying the above short sentence, picture yourself shaking their hand and then turning and walking away. For even more power, imagine yourself giving them a hug before you turn away and leave them behind.

4) Another very powerful addition, if you have an active prayer life as I do, is to remember the person in your prayers. Express gratitude for the challenge they have presented by their actions and request that the Creator send Love and Light to that person. This simple act changes the energy inside and outside of you. Instead of stewing in your resentment and attracting more of the same negativity, you are letting the Universe know that you are capable and willing to let it go because it no longer serves your best interests. The Universe will respond in kind, if your intentions are sincere.

The important aspect to this method is taking yourself outside of the pain, anger and resentment to a place where you rise above it. For those few short seconds, you control how you deal with those emotions. I will freely admit that, when I first began, I did not have an easy time of it nor was I entirely sincere. What I found was that, as I stuck with it, the change began to take place inside of me. It was almost alarming to realize one day that I actually meant the words I had been reciting at odd times. Some of the people I had difficulties with were part of my life, due to circumstances beyond my control. I found that as I expressed gratitude for the "wake up call" they had initiated by their hurtful actions, and began to ask for a special blessing on them each evening in my prayers, their behavior around me began to change subtly.

Use this tool any time you feel anger or bitterness begin to rear its ugly head and stick with it. Make an honest attempt and don't give up after only a few tries. It's always wise to exercise common sense and remember the old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." People arrive in our lives in three distinct categories: for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. Change is a fact of life and sometimes it is imperative that we let people go and we need to realize, within ourselves, that it is not being selfish in any way to take care of ourselves first. Yes, change and fear of the unknown are daunting prospects. Sometimes we need to let go of something with one hand to grasp hold of something else that will provide the support and strength that we need to continue on this path of life. Don't be afraid to ask our guides or the Creator, if one is so inclined, for the right person and resources to come along to assist us in making those changes.

No, this is not a "cure all" remedy to everything that life can throw at us but it has been an invaluable tool on my own spiritual journey. It has relieved considerable fear from my life and given me the strength and peace of mind that was lacking for most of it. It has been incredibly empowering, on a personal level, to actually know I have a tool that allows me to take some risks and not be as fearful of being hurt or injured again. In particular, the aspect that I don't even have to physically approach the person who has injured me - to verbally say "I forgive you" - has granted me considerable peace of mind. Many of these people will never be a part of my life again and I have learned and fully accept that this is not a bad thing at all.

Forgiveness of others and taking those first few baby steps towards healing are never easy but we must come to a point when we realize that we've given the person or event enough of our own personal power. It's time to take back that power. We deserve to heal, have peace of mind and be open and accepting to new situations and people, unfettered by the actions of others in our past. It's important that we learn the lesson it was intended to teach us and then move on, secure in the knowledge that we really have won a huge victory over our emotions - and the people who have caused us pain.

Lastly, and probably most important is to forgive ourselves. Mingled in with the anger and bitterness - and well disguised - the guilt monster can lurk undetected. If we've acted or reacted with hurtful words that were intended to injure another, we need to ease that burden from our shoulders. Guilt can be just as damaging to our emotional and spiritual well-being as hate and rage and we have to exercise the same forgiveness that we would to another. Don't accept it when used as a weapon against us, especially if it is irrational guilt and placed on us by others with their own fears and insecurities. Take our share of responsibility, certainly, but accept that the past cannot be changed, no matter how much we wish it to be. Make an honest effort to make amends, if we feel the need to, but it's essential that we begin the process of forgiving ourselves, first and foremost. Nobody else can do that for us. And that is not a sign of weakness but one of great strength.

"As long as you don't forgive, whoever or whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind." Isabelle Holland

"The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving." Oliver Wendell Holmes

"In school, you get the lesson and then take the test...In life, you take the test and then get the lesson." Anonymous

"The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life." Dalai Lama

"Letting go of our suffering is the hardest work we will ever do. It is also the most fruitful. To heal means to meet ourselves in a new way - in the newness of each moment where all is possible and nothing is limited to the old." Stephen Levine