I was born in 1975. Being from a broken home, to a poverty stricken Mother in Columbus, Ohio, I spent much of my youth in the projects and inner-city neighborhoods (doesn’t that qualify me to be a rap star?). Drugs, sex, (yes, rock-n-roll!), and violence, were how most of the people I knew coped with life. At age 20, having been addicted to cocaine for 2 years, I had a moment of clarity; "I needed to get clean or I would die”! . . . profound stuff huh?

Through the support and selfless work of good people in my life, I discovered that not only was my drug-use out of hand, but many areas of my thinking were obsessively motivated, and out-of-whack. What do I mean by obsessively motivated? When something, anything, felt good to me, I thought about it, fantasized over it, pursued it, and ended up doing it over, and over, with almost no ability to weigh out the consequences, until (in most cases) it became destructive.

I found recovery from drugs for 3 reasons;

1) The consequences of my behavior were so enormous and painful that they beat me into submission!

2) Effective help and ongoing support was readily available.

3) I sincerely wanted more out of my life than to die on the streets or in prison;

and after watching many friends follow these paths, I knew this was where I was heading.

Anxious to help me were lots of people in “Anonymous” meetings that had recovered from drugs. Because of their experience (with their own addictions, and recovery), they were qualified people, that I could turn to for guidance and support. Being beaten, I became willing and welcomed their suggestions. I went to meetings, I worked the 12 steps, I called them when I got nervous or lost hope, they told me to pray and helped me develop a real relationship with God, something that, because I knew some scripture, I thought I understood, but in reality, knew nothing about .

With that in mind, they told me to use any concept of God I wanted, so long as He was loving and forgiving. I came from a family of Christians, and knew that Jesus was those things. My Sponsor told me that God would reveal more of Himself to me if I just stuck with Him no matter what. I did everything they told me and I recovered entirely, living many years without any real thought of using or drinking.

Well, there are many resources available for alcoholics and drug addicts, plenty for sex offenders, compulsive gamblers, and now-a-days, even resources for Internet and video game addiction; but there are still few resources for money and spending addiction . . . something that not only I suffer from, but (I believe) as a culture, most Americans suffer from on some level.

Of course I don't mean every American, but as a general rule, evidence shows that we as a culture struggle more than other cultures; ironically, cultures that have standards of living way below ours.

It's no secret that our divorce rates here are high, right? Well, guess what the number one cited reason for divorce is?

To support my claim I’ve copied the following material:

From Ezinearticles.com; “Financial difficulties, and the stress that accompanies them, are the leading causes of divorce.” – Joe Larson

From Associatedcontent.com; “Financial- Contrary to public belief, this is in fact the most common cause of divorce. Many couples fail to openly discuss financial situations before marriage such as individual debt, spending habits, salary information, etc.” –Maxwell Payne

From MSN Money; “Historically the three most likely reasons for foreclosure problems are: loss of job, loss of health and loss of spouse. On top of that, these days,escalating mortgage payments are exacerbating the divorce problem," Nicholas Retsinas, director of Harvard’s JointCenter for Housing Studies, said. While the Harvard housing expert said it's too soon for a definitive study linking divorce to the country’s recent foreclosure woes, Scott Daniels, an Ocala, Fla. Realtor®, doesn’t need a study to tell him what he already knows -- the mortgage industry crisis is causing an increase in the number of couples who are getting divorced".

In 2003 (having been clean and sober for 8years), I was offered (what was slanted as) a very high paying job, running a mortgage office for a high end national home builder. The offer got me so excited (obsessed), that without considering potential consequences, I closed my company (that had netted me 6 figures for over 4 years), I moved 500 miles away (that was 500 miles from the recovery groups, church, family, and all the support that had helped get and stay clean and sober for the 8 years prior).

I moved to beautiful Charlotte, North Carolina. The women and geography so pretty, the culture so friendly and inviting, and I was certain “the money would be so, so good!" I was so certain in fact, that I didn't consult my Sponsor, Pastor, or anyone else that God had placed above me to help me navigate life. What need right? It was all so “picture perfect”. I didn't pray or ask God to give me clear direction as to what I should do. I didn't even get the opinion of others in corporate environments (a place I had never been), so I could get an idea of what to expect. I did absolutely nothing, (but act as if I’d hit the lottery and move my household).

You: So Aaron, what happened?

Me: Well, at the age of 28, I moved into a back-stabbing, brown-nosing, judgmental, CYOA (as they say) corporate environment.

CYOA="Cover your own _ss" for those of you who have never worked in Corporate America.

It quickly became clear that I had bitten off way more than I could chew. The people that worked under me and with me felt I was too young (at 28) to have my office. The company was overrun by politics, nepotism, and friend of the family-ism; and the first time I suggested that some of the companies policies were inadequate, (and were hurting business!), my title was taken. I didn't realize I was walking on glass until it was too late! 500 miles from home, with no office in Ohio to go back to, it became evident that they had no intention of paying me the 250k+/yr that was described to get me on board.

While still suffering from corporate culture shock; financial disaster hit, followed closely by a relapse on alcohol and drugs and I lost everything!; 4 houses, the new mortgage company I had started in Charlotte with a new Partner, both of my vehicles, all of my material possessions, and any essence of the guy that used to be Aaron Hansome.

For the next couple of years I just ran . . . I ran to women, drugs, and ultimately, fell into complete dereliction. Homeless, completely humiliated, and ashamed (of who I thought this meant I was), I cut all communication with my family and support (when I needed them most!). This of course, kept leading me back to the very dark, primitive world of drugs and the streets. Time, and time again I made attempts to get clean and put my life back together only to find myself back on the streets! A life I thought I had neatly left behind a decade earlier.

My case is extreme . . . so I’d also like to detail one that may be a little closer to home for some of you; the situation of a very close personal friend. He’s the sole bread winner and gives his wife a designated amount of money per week to take care of the groceries and household needs. Based on the amount he described to me and our mutual circle of friends (both blue, and white collar) it doesn’t sound like a tight budget at all, in fact, all 4 of us agreed that the money he gives her should be more than enough to cover the weekly expenses. But for some reason, time and again, she exceeds the budget. He reprimands his wife because they have little savings and can’t seem to get ahead, but she still exceeds the budget. It’s not food, gas, or other necessities that she spends the money on either, it's new clothes and accessories for their children. . . miscellaneous odds and ends that hardly seem necessary. According to my friend she often spends secretly, then tries to hide the evidence. I know her, she’s a sweet lady. I’m certain that she doesn’t do it to be vicious or vindictive. So why does she do it? Do you know someone like this? Do you struggle with a spending addiction?

The problem with addiction is that the addict has to be self-diagnosed, or treatment can’t begin; and if the one's closest to the addict are softening the consequences by not standing their ground, or helping clean up the mess, they may be denying them the pain necessary to set their loved one free!

How and why does this happen?????

Well, I've written this for the sole purpose of highlighting specifically that; the how and why of the thing; but believe me, I couldn't for the life of me figure that out at first! I just knew I did it, and didn't want to! And therein lies the problem; in fact, that seems to be the entire problem . . . addicts, with respect to their areas of addiction have a broken thinker! Once in the throws of our addiction, we simply can't process the pro's and con's effectively. Once we're liberated it becomes crystal clear, but that doesn't happen until the sickness, has been treated. The sickness has been shown time, and time again to be spiritual in nature. Yep, you heard me right, it's spiritual! Who'd a thunk it?

Only recently in man's history has he been able to so easily get away from God. Now-a-days it's politically incorrect to talk openly about God, where, for the generations that came before us, it's was the way of life . . . just how it was and considered normal. Without this force of spiritual guidance readily available to help us, we turn to other things . . . for me it was drugs and money.

If ever you talk to someone in recovery from an addiction, it's easy to see that we are competent in our life and duties, and only when spiritually disconnected, and faced with our specific addictive areas of decision, are we are we not able to be objective . . . fueled by obsession (thinking about something all the time), compulsion (doing it quick, without thinking), and a million forms of minimizing the consequences (it isn’t that bad), justifying our behavior (I really needed it), and rationalization (something other than me caused it), we have a lack of perspective concerning our addictive behavior; unless, that is, we are operating in the solution!

What's the solution? The sad fact is, that “the solution” has been with us from the beginning of time; although it has many times been twisted, misconstrued, or misunderstood like everything else that fear, and selfish ambition gets a hold of. But even when it's presented in an orderly, logical manner, often our own personal prejudices, and self-imposed intellectual pride gets in the way.

I don’t think there’s anyway to avoid offending someone with what I have to say next so I’m just going to keep it candid.

First, I would rather like to talk about what the solution isn't! As a former drug addict I can tell you that no part of me believes that the solution is some person with a title and degree, that's allowed to legally prescribe more destructive drugs for me to put into my body . . . the pills may make me feel better, but while I was high, so did crack! They may make me look and function better, but they are still drugs, foreign to my body and most definitely harming it.

And I don't think it's in some Life Coach, to tell me to write poetry, update my resume, and go jogging everyday because I need the endorphins . . . do I really need to pay someone to tell me that?

You: Hey Aaron, does that mean that you don’t think there’s never a need for Psychiatrists or Life Coaches?

Aaron: Of course it doesn’t. There are brains out there that have real chemical imbalances where meds are absolutely necessary for the afflicted to function. But they are far fewer than the 40% of our population that’s taking them! . . . Yes, an astounding 40%, and they kill 3 times as many people as illegal drugs! Don’t believe me, check for yourself:

USA Today,

Truthout.org,

St. Pete Times,

World Net

As for Life-Coaches; I’m for them! “The solution” requires that I keep plenty of them in my life always; they are my Sponsor, my Pastor, and many other healthy people that I use as accountability partners that “the solution” tells me I need if I’m to stay healthy.

“The solution” has been known by many men, and even taught by some institutions throughout history, but often the delivery of “the solution” message is too fanatical, or extreme (thus offensive, or misunderstood), or the prescribed implication of “the solution” too restrictive, or too alienating to be accepted by the masses.

“The solution” was simplified in 1935 by a group men of born out of a religious movement that started in England (that was spreading like wildfire) known as The Oxford Group. The Oxford Group knew “the solution!” That is evidenced by the thousands of changed lives they left in their wake, including the modern "Anonymous" programs . . . Starting with Alcoholics Anonymous . . . who split from The Oxford Group in 1935.

Until next time, God bless!

Aaron