About Never Hearing Him Say "I Love You"
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In the past, men used to barter for goods and if any debt was owed, he would promise to pay based on his word. The word although spoken and not written makes a man feel bounded and void of freedom if he says " I Love You." It would be as though he went back in time and realize that if he says it based on his word then he must really mean it.
Look at it this way, girls, he do not want to sign the unwritten contract with the spoken word by telling you that he is in love. His word would be binding to him and not just for the above reason but for others also. He may feel destined to be without freedom when it comes to sowing his seeds. Most guys love their freedom sometimes more than they love their girlfriend if they love their girlfriends at all. Saying "I Love You" is like giving themselves a sentence to be with their girlfriend with no way out.
If your boyfriend has not told you that he loves you, then all of the above applies to him and he does not love you. If should be an easy thing to say unless the guy decides to lie. Only you will know the sincerity of those three words, "I Love You, based on the character of the person who said it.
In a serious relationship, it is very important to hear those three letter words, "I Love You," Receiving a text message with those three important words in a relationship is not the same as hearing it spoken. If you are in love with someone, then you have to hear those words unless you like to love needlessly. You do not love just to receive love but you do not have much of a relationship if he does not reciprocate your love by saying those three little words.
You should not end the relationship or to move on if you have not heard him tell you that he is in love. Telling someone that you are in love is a difficult thing to do especially from the guys. You will have to give the relationship time. Do not keep asking him about his feelings about you or keep asking him to say those words that are dear to you. Forcing him to say that he love you is not the same as hearing those words without being prompted. Did he ask you over and over again to tell him that you love him? Of course not because more than likely he may feel obligated and obligations in a relationship means that there is a connection that he may not interested in at the present time.
Do not keep gushing these words of love and contentment to your boyfriend either. Guys are not softies and know when it is important for you to hear that he loves you. Also, guys are action oriented. You may have to read into what he does for you to figure out where he is coming from. Appreciate anything loving that he does for you as a sign. However if you have told him that you love him, he should have returned those same words to you at the times spoken. If there was a long silence while you waited and if you still have not heard that he loves you in a reasonable amount of time then he does not love you.
Some women can continue to give love to their man for the sake of being part of a relationship. Belonging to another person means a lot to a woman even if she has not heard those all important three words. These women may begin to rationalize that what he does means that he is in love with them. In that case, why would it be so difficult for him to say those words?
Men place a lot of emphasis on the physical part of the relationship that is comprised of sexual activity. More often than not, a man is not going to approach you out of the blue and tell you while you are washing dishes for example that he loves you. It is in these intimate moments after sex or during intimacy that he will tell you that he is in love with you. Do not write him off and say that he is only physically attracted to you. If his other actions outside of the bedroom proves that he is in love with you then make things easier on yourself and just believe him.
A lot of emphasis is placed on men from women to hear those three words, "I Love You." Rightfully so that the woman should want to hear those words because it confirms that she is in a lasting and enduring relationship which is mostly what most women want.
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Comments
Why do you lump all guys into one category? Is it possible that some men are more shy than others, that some are more verbal, that some are more demonstrative?
Relationships between two people are complex enough without adding on expectations based solely on gender role stereotypes.
rvsource, thank you for your comment. You should have your wife read your response as an added indication of your love for her.
You have to admit that your situation is an exception and is a good exception unless newly married to tell your wife that you love her while she washes dishes.
You are right that the meaning of love largely exist between what the couple considers as true happiness for the two of them.
Many guys luck out of love, as you said, because they are so afaid of the committment of love that they bolt. All the time, they may really love the girl. Your comment is much appreciated.
WRKennedy, thank you for your comment.
All guys are not lumped into one category. If the propensity of like actions is more than viable, then the article would apply to most men. This article is written on that basis and is not solely based on sexual or gender stereotypes.
Good for you if you fit somewhere outside of the curve and places you in an optimal relationship with a woman.
even me i do
hamid dj, thank you for your comment.
Hi lindagoffigan, I always enjoy reading your advice. I'm a huge fan! I was in a relationship for several years and he never once said 'I love you' it always made me feel insecure. There was one time where I had to move overseas to work and he flew all the way there to suprise me. And he still couldn't say "I love you" - It would have been more romantic to me even to hear him say it over the phone, rather than spend his money on that ticket. Needless to say the relationship didn't work out. But the worst thing is, I ran into him recently, and I asked him "Did you ever love me?" His reply was "Yes, I've always loved you". I said "Well you know I never knew". I walked away and left it at that.
stricktly, thank you for your comment and for being a fan.
I am honored to have you address your issue with me as I see you quite a bit on the online community at Hubpages.
The boyfriend who you would rather hear say "I Love You," instead of paying for a ticket to follow you over seas silent of those three words should have told you during the years you were together.
Some guys are very particular about what they say as if it is a contract for marriage and that issue was espounded upon in this unique hubpage article. In your case, his answer to your question years later after the break up of: "Yes, I've always loved you" was spoken because he knew that since the relationship was over you both could walk away. And that is exactly what happened, after he thought that he would not be contractually bound to you, he told you the words that you wanted to hear while in the relationship. Then you both walked away.
He would have told you he loved you many years ago if he really meant it. It is up to you to believe him or not because only you would have seen the sincerity in his eyes when he finally spoke those endearing words to you. It is probably more feasible to say that he had nothing to gain or lose by saying "I Love You," and so you finally got to hear those words.
But what good did it do now that the two of you are not in a relationship? He was well aware of the situation then and now and chose to say those words to you as merely a friend but not as the lover you surmised him to be early on.
I am glad that you "walked away and left it at that."
Thanks lindagoffigan, You're right about this! And it was quite easy for me to walk away after I heard him say it, the only good it did was give me some self-satisfaction to put the question on him after some time has passed.
I always appreciate your advice, thanks again!
rvsource says:
2 weeks ago
Linda,
I tell my wife all the time while she is doing dished that I love her!
You touched on the truth many times in your blog about guys and that "dreaded three word phrase" "I love you."
Some guys will never say those words, and it doesn't mean that "love" doesn't exist!
After all, what is LOVE? I think, and it's just my opinion, but maybe if the girl defined in her own mind exactly what love is, she can look for those qualities in the relationship. If those qualities exist, than maybe love is there. Some guys can't say those words and when the pressure is on, they run for the hills! They still might love the girl though.
Jeff