Recently, Oprah Winfrey talked about spousal abuse. With the current news that singer, Rihanna was attacked by her boyfriend, Chris Brown, it was a perfect opportunity for super model Tyra Banks to share her own story about being in an abusive relationship.

Of course abuse covers many spectrums, and for women it is not just about spousal abuse but also about the men we date, the men we know, and the men we associate with. A teenager in Oprah's audience that day, was skeptical of some of the talk. She seemed to think there was a reason to stay with someone who beats you, or manipulates you.

Banks entered in and said she was emotionally abused while in her twenties by a boyfriend. She was a top ten model at the time, and she said she still needed additional validation, so she left one bad relationship for another. She remarked that the second guy was great in front of friends and family members, smiling, laughing, joking, but behind the scenes was vile and degrading. His snide comments and instruction helped feed Banks’ low self-esteem.

Finally one day, Banks said she looked into a mirror and said aloud, “Tyra who are you? What the hell are you doing? Get out of here.” That conversation with herself spurred her to leave her abuser. But it was not a quick goodbye. She said you have to have a plan to get out. For her, that meant two months of preparation.

It is estimated that 2 in 3 women know their assailants. During an average year, between 500,000-600,000 women will be victims of a violent attack by someone they know intimately. This is a frightening number. What’s even more frightening is that approximately 25-30% of adolescent girls are partaking in an abusive situation.

So, how do you know you are in an abusive relationship, especially if you have been with someone for awhile and they seemed like the best man walking when you first started dating? When a man loses his temper and jumps to the wrong conclusion over and over again, how do you know it's not fixable? How do you know for sure he won't improve one day?

Women are fixers. We think we can correct what is broken and mend what is injured. We focus on the future, knowing deep-down that we can make a difference to one wounded man’s heart. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Probably most women have experienced this emotion once in their lives, even if they were not emotionally tied to a special someone.

While the quality is admirable and commendable, we have to try and remind ourselves that we are not responsible for a man’s actions. If a man is broken enough to hit, slap, insult, or rape, it is not our responsibility to fix him.

If you or someone you know is debating whether or not you need to remove yourself from a current relationship, here are some of the common warning signs that you are involved with an abuser:

1.  Does your mate tell you where you can go?
2.  Does he insult you about beliefs you hold dear like religion or  race?
3.  Are you told who you are allowed to talk to?
4.  Are you kept from family members or friends?
5.  Is he calling you names?
6.  If he forcing sex?
7.  Does he ignore your feelings and berate you?
8.  Does he tell you how to dress and what clothes you can wear?
9.  Has he threatened you?
10.  Does he punish you by withholding affection?

If you are ready to leave a physical or emotionally abusive relationship, don’t try to do it alone.

Call a local or national help line.

Get advice from the nearest shelter.

Don’t be alone or go to an isolated place by yourself.

Take time to leave if you can. Make a plan by talking to professionals.

Leave immediately if you feel your life is in imminent danger, but find out where to go first so you can stay safe.

Fifty percent of women murdered in the United States are killed by the hands of a spouse or someone they know. Sometimes it’s hard to reach out and ask for help. But our lives are worth it.

Save your life today.