Accepting New Sibling

Got a new baby and a jealous sibling? Prepare your older child for the new addition in the family.

A new arrival in the family is always a cause for celebration - but it's not always easy to get your older child to see it that way. While you see the new baby as a lifelong friend for her, your child sees the baby as an intruder - someone who is taking up a lot of your time that used to belong to her.

How your child behaves will depend partially on his temperament. Children who are flexible and self-contained may adjust more easily. Those who are highly sensitive need more time with transitions and like routines may take longer to adjust. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to prevent your child from feeling this way and help ensure a happy household with your growing family.

DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH, TOO SOON

Talk to your older child about the advantages of being big such as being able to play in the park or watch a DVD. But if he wants to be "babied" a bit, then let him. It's normal for young children, especially pre-schoolers, to regress in their behaviour when a new sibling arrives. They may ask to be carried, want more milk and as far as possible it's best to go along with this as it will help them grow out of it sooner.

ACKNOWLEDGE HIS FEELINGS

It's normal for your child to feel a range of feelings about this new change in his family. After having you all to himself for years, he suddenly has to share you with someone who requires an extraordinary amount of your time and attention. Rather than scolding him, acknowledge his feelings. Say: "It seems like you're sad right now. Do you want to tell me about it?" Or, "Is it frustrating that sometimes when you want me to do something, I need to help the baby?" He may just need you to take some time to listen and hold him.

SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS

Make sure your older child is already sleeping in the same place he will be sleeping when the new baby arrives. Doing this after the baby arrives may make the older child feel rejected.

NO HURTING

Explain to the older child that he must not hurt his baby brother. Show him how to pat, stroke and cuddle the baby gently. As a precaution, never leave a toddler alone with a baby, just in case things get out of hand.

GIVE HIM SPECIAL JOBS

Let your firstborn help out - he may surprise you with how much he can do. When you bathe the baby, your 5-year-old may be able to do the soaping and rinsing, if you hold the baby securely. Other chores a young first born can do include fetching a nappy or choosing a bath toy for baby. Older children may enjoy rocking the baby, reading or singing to her, or giving her a bottle.

ASK HIS ADVICE Ask your child, "Do you think the baby would like to wear the blue shirt or the yellow shirt?" or, "Do you want to help me tell a story?" Children often have a natural flair for entertainment - singing, dancing or just making faces - and a baby is an appreciative audience. Not only will your child enjoy the attention, he's likely to take pride in bringing a smile to his sibling's face.

BOOST HIS EGO

Make your child feel proud and connected to the new baby by saying things like "She likes when you hold her bottle." You can also make your older child feel good by having him show the little one how he does things, such as put on his socks or brush his teeth.

WATCH THE BABY TOGETHER

Invite your child to observe the baby with you. Hold him close and ask him to describe what he sees. "Look at her eyes. What are they doing? How does she hold her hands?" You can even do this while the baby is sleeping.

READ STORIES ABOUT HIS NEW ROLE

Reading stories about the trials and joys of having a new sibling can help your child adjust to his new situation. Books that feature children who resent the new baby in their lives can help him understand that his feelings are natural. Stories that show children enjoying and taking pride in their little sibs present positive role models for your child.

HELP HIM PICTURE IT

It helps to show your child pictures or videos of themselves when they were babies, so they can see they had a turn too. Tell them about their birth and what they were like as a baby. Tell them how excited you were when they were born, and how everyone wanted to see them and hold them.

LET HIM TELL THE STORY

Help your child make a simple picture book about him and his new sibling by folding over several pieces of paper and stapling the edge, or you can use a simple photo album. He might be interested in taking pictures, arranging them in the book and writing (or dictating) the story.

SPEND A LITTLE TIME ALONE WITH HIM

Spend some time each day with just your older child, even if it's only a few minutes of drawing or reading. This time makes him feel special and reminds him that you're his mummy as well as the baby's.

LET HIM DO HIS OWN THING

If your child doesn't want to be involved with the new baby, don't push it. A lot of kids cope with the change by "ignoring" their tiny siblings - at least for a while. So you don't need to expect him to play a greater role than he wants to. He'll come around in time.

Finally, hug, kiss and repeat often. Keep reassuring your older child of his place in the home. And remind him that love is stretchy - there's enough for everybody.