Preface/Disclaimer

Before I begin, I'd like to put in a little disclaimer that I have no actual experience in getting married. I haven't done it, and I don't plan to for quite some time. I am also female, which means the hub will be written from a straight-female perspective--that is, referring to the person one is marrying as male. That being said, despite the fact that I know very little about relationships, the final conclusion of this hub will likely be fairly inconclusive, but I hope it helps regardless.

Age of Persons Involved

The legal age to get married, at least in the United States (without parental signatures) is 18. I feel that it should be at least 21, given that by 18 you are not even old enough to enjoy a toast of champagne at your own wedding--like people say about war, you can't pop open a beer but you can certainly go ahead and die for your country. I feel, having successfully passed the age of 18, that getting married that young is a foolish thing to do. I would be very upset with myself right now had I married the guy I was dating at that point in my life. But I also have to wonder if I will feel the same when I look back years later--was I that young and naieve at 21 as well? How about 30?

There doesn't seem to be one 'perfect age' to get married, for people mature and discover themselves at different rates. However, the acceptable age to get married seems to have been placed in the '22-32' range. This doesn't really make much sense at all. A person in their 20's and early 30's is still fresh into the 'real world' and learning all about it, meanwhile discovering things about themselves that they didn't know--such as, "wow, I can't stand it when people take their job too seriously." If you haven't experienced enough to realise that yet and you marry someone to takes his (or her) job too seriously, you'll be in big trouble when you do eventually make that realisation.

However, by the time you reach your 40's, when I believe would be a much more reasonable time to make such large decisions (as someone once told my mother, we make all the most important decisions in life when we're too young to make them), people will view you as 'past your prime,' 'and old maid' or perhaps a 'crazy cat lady.' At this age, it's beginning to get late if you plan to have a family (it's been proven that the older a child's father is, the more likely it is that the child will develop schizophrenia) and for some, you may be approaching a midlife crisis, while you may grab onto something that seems like the thing you've been missing this whole time, but as you'll realise later, was just some shiny distraction from your everyday life.

Length of Relationship

It seems that recently we have begun regressing back into the 1800's, where a man and a woman would fall in love while young and get married within a year. More and more couples push their relationships to marriage within 8, 6, even 3 months from when they started dating. But at the same time, there are plenty of couples who stay dating for years and years, not even sure whether they plan to get married. The right length of relationship before considering marriage will be different to every person--for example, someone who's dated a lot and experienced many good and bad relationships will likely realise much faster that someone is or isn't right for them. If you're new to the game, however, I advise waiting a while before deciding that Mr Now is Mr Right.

Contradictions and Conclusions

My grandmother married my grandfather when she was 18, and I have reason to believe it was because she was pregnant. They had a long, wonderful marriage, including 5 children all living in a cramped house with lots of pink everywhere, until she passed away last fall, which caused my grandfather, who for many years was a soccer and football coach and hard-ass gym teacher, to break down and cry like a little kid who can't have a cookie.

My parents got married after dating for four years and being engaged for two more, had two "wonderful" children (their description, not mine), and lived out the American Dream, only without the bi-weekly trips to McDonalds. They just finished getting through their divorce.

I know a woman who has gone through three engagements, the first two each lasting six years and each time, having it not work out within the first month or so. As far as I know, she is now happily married, but I've lost touch since I heard she was engaged (again).

It seems that any age or length of time dating is not necessarily going to be the right fit for anyone. If you're looking to avoid divorce, the question should not be when to get married but how to act during your marriage to keep it healthy. A wonderful marriage could blossom out of a third-date 'hey, let's go over there and get married!' and a terrible divorce out of ten years of dating and getting married once you know how the world works. I'm not saying every relationship is doomed to fail, but it's always a possibility.

The right time and age at which to get married, therefore, seems to be irrelevant if the involved parties are or are not willing to work and put effort into making their marriage what they want it to be. Get married when it feels right, and it likely is, though that won't show years down the road if you haven't done your duties as husband or wife.*

*Not that there are specific husband and wife duties. Just duties to stay happy in your relationship. Not doing the dishes and fixing the car or anything.