Alcoholism In The Family...Role Playing For Survival

Alcoholism is something that affects or has affected many of us. Statisitics show that one in four children live in chemical dependent situations.

And what experts have found is that in these dependent families, members of such can adopt what we will call "Survival Roles." These are roles that the members of dependent families adopt to survive on a day-to-day basis.

You may not be in an alcohol dependent situation yourself, but as experts show, many children are. Because of this, I wanted to share some of what I've learned on how to identify what these survival roles are.

It is my opinion that if we want to help these children, or people, some first-hand knowledge of where they may be emotionally might help us be more effective in this fight. I will now explain the survial roles of a dependent family for better understanding.

One role is:

THE CHIEF ENABLER

The "Chief Enabler" is often the spouse or parent of an alcoholic, and is usually the person that the alcoholic depends on most. As the alcoholic loses control, the chief enabler finds it necessary to put aside personal feelings and become more and more responsible for the family to make up for the alcoholic's lack of control.

Another role is:

THE FAMILY HERO

The "Family Hero" is especially sensitive to the family's problems. Feeling responsible for the pain of its members, the hero tries to improve the situation.

This may be accomplished by trying to achieve great success in an environment outside of the home, work or school to provide self-worth or positive recognition for the family.

However, because this does not change the alcoholic's behavior, the hero ultimately feels like a failure. The hero usually is the oldest child, is attached to the parents through emotions, and lives life according to the same values and behavior as the parents.

The family hero tends to marry alcoholics and their children then tend to become chemically dependant somehow. Of course these are trends and there certainly can be exceptions to this.

And then there's:

THE SCAPEGOAT

The "Scapegoat" is one that does not wish to work as hard as the hero to achieve recognition. He/she chooses to pull away in a destructive manner, bringing negative attention to the family by getting into trouble, getting hurt, or just simply withdrawing.

Usually the scapegoat is the second oldest and feels rejected, receives only negative attention, usually ends up chemically dependent somehow, and does not express their true feelings regularly.

The scapegoat is also a high risk for suicide. "Frozen tears"--> tears in the eyes, but crying is not common for them.

Someone could also be:

THE LOST CHILD

The "Lost Child" offers relief for the family by taking care of personal problems and avoiding trouble. The family ignores the child, who is then left to face problems alone.

This strategy results in loneliness and personal suffering. Usually the middle child, the lost child can and does recover. Although they tend to be shy and do not relate well. They also treasure pets and material possessions.

The lost child trys to stay away from stressful situations, becomes a loner and is usually more regularly sick.

And finally theres:

THE MASCOT

The "Mascot" is the member of the family that provides relief and humor for the family by being charming and funny during stressful times. While his/her behavior relieves the pain of some family members, it does not help the mascot deal with personal pain and lonliness.

The mascot functions under feelings of fear. They display hyperactive behavior, can be a slow learner, a poor achiever, and tends to become very dependent of things around them.

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According to what I've found, these are the major survival roles of a dependent family. And A MAJOR PROBLEM WITH THESE ROLES is that without treatment, these roles are carried over into other relationships and situations.

This could be in a marriage, at school, at work, or with friends. AND, family members can interchange these roles or adopt more than one role at a time. With so many children and maybe even friends of ours living in dependent situations, I think it would help if we understood more about this problem.

I will be writing much more about alcoholism, the specific roles here, and ways to fight the problems we all may have had due to alcohol abuse. Please keep reading in the future for more.