Barack Obama, fresh off his “Stimulus Tour” took time  to appear on the American Idol Stage to sing his lyrical version of “Money for Nothing” by the Dire Straits.  In a break from American Idol protocol, the judges, Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell, were allowed to give feed back to the guest performer.   

Randy Jackson: I don’t know, I don’t know….Dawg… I was expecting more. A trillion dollars is ok, but I was hoping for something outta of the box… you know what I mean… something that would’ve blown the doors off this place. The whole thing is alright and all, but it just wasn’t working for me.

By the way Dawg, how old are you?

Barack Obama: Forty-seven

Randy Jackson: Yeah..yeah… that’s a little young. You definitely have it and all, but it was pitchy in spots and definitely wasn’t one of your best efforts. Can't say I was buying what you were selling.

Paula Abdul: Let me start by saying, as always.. you sir are hot. I love you, the audience loves you and America loves you. Tonight you weren’t at your best, but that happens to all of us. Yes, there were some off notes in the performance, but you know what… America doesn’t care… They still love you. You’ll get it right and believe me; people will be lining up to shake your hand.

Barack Obama: But they already are lining up to shake my hand.

Paula Abdul: Yeah, of course they are… what I meant to say is that you are going to be a star, one that we can all be proud of.

Barack Obama: I thought I was a star, someone people can be proud of.

Paula Abdul: Yes…but I’m talking about a super star, someone who sells out arenas, flies in their own personal jet and has their own personal chef.

Barack Obama: Thanks Paula, I hope to achieve that.

Obama leans over to Ryan Seacrest and asks a question under his breath.

Barack Obama: Ryan, does she even know who I am, or what I was singing about?

Ryan Seacrest: No, she thinks you’re Ruben Studdard… post weight watchers.

Simon: Sorry about that Mr. Obama, but you’re not the first to have trouble discerning what Paula is saying. But, let’s get on with it and talk about your performance. I know you are not going to like this, but I found it to be entirely forgettable. The singing was ok, the band was ok… even your wardrobe was passable, but for me, it was benign, ill conceived, and an utter mess.

Everything you tried on stage was old, redundant and did not fit the moment. Why you chose to repeat what has been tried so many times before baffles me. You only get one chance on the American Idol stage and you have to make it work. “Money for Nothing” is not taking a chance; it’s a rehash of what we have all heard before. You’re going to own this one and regretfully you are going to look back at this as a missed opportunity. America’s going to watch this and they are not going to be impressed with the outcome. You haven’t done yourself any favors. I’m sorry to say it, but you may have just blown your chance.

Ryan Seacrest: Barack, you’ve heard the Judges, do you have anything to say in response?

Barack Obama: Well, I respect the judges’ opinions and will think about their comments, but my initial thoughts, I must say, differ significantly from what we have just heard. I have travelled around this country, listened to average folks talk about what ails them and how they envision their future. It’s clear that they want something different, something worlds apart from the politics of division and the reckless policies of the past. Tonight, I thought I was bringing something different to the table, something that all Americans can get behind. Think about it, “Money for Nothing” what could possibly be better than that? It’s all about getting money into this economy. Obviously, I have some work to do with the judges, but from my vantage point, I felt that I did well tonight.

Ryan Seacrest: Well said. If you want to vote for Barack Obama tonight, his number is 11,000,000,000,000. Remember all phone lines are open two hours after the completion of the show.

Barack Obama: Ryan, I’m not in the competition, people shouldn’t vote for me.

Ryan Seacrest: I know, I certainly didn’t.