My daughter has severe Attention Deficit Disorder. By "severe" I mean that when she was 2 they thought she was hearing impaired. She could talk a blue streak, but would not respond if you called her. She had no name for me and if she had a toy or game she was interested in, you might as well be invisible.

By 4 years old the doctors were considering autism. She would find an activity, like tucking every toy doll she had into "bed" with a washcloth and then waking them up and then starting over again.... she would do this for hours, only stopping when she was hungry or falling asleep. If you tried to interfere, she would throw a tantrum that was akin to hitting her with a cattle prod. 

By the time she was old enough for therapy she needed constant supervision. Running out in traffic, reaching for hot items on the stove, experimenting with scissors on clothing and even her hands made my days more exciting than I could handle. I had learned from another mother about a place here in Portland, Oregon called The Children's Program and I gave them a call.

At first, she was enrolled in group therapy. The Guru of the clinic, Dr Jeff Sozne would spend 90 minutes a session teaching a group of ADHD/ADD kids to follow directions and pay attention. As they played games of Follow the Leader, Concentration, Telephone and others we parents sat behind a one way mirror and watched our kids in action. The first noticeable thing for me was that my child was the only girl in a sea of rambunctious little boys all doing their best to be the loudest and frequently following each other off in ill contrived adventures. Dr. Sozne never yelled, but he did have a firm clear voice. If a child did something correctly, they were rewarded with a sticker or a high-five, if they did it wrong, their turn was over and so was the lime-light. My daughter sat in the middle of this chaos looking at times like a terrified rabbit and at others like she was the butt of some cruel joke. Unlike the other kids, she remembered I was behind the glass and constantly would send me a little wave or pleading look. Un-like the others, she was embarrassed to be there and thought the games and the kids were silly. I thought for sure they had the wrong diagnosis. She was nothing like the others in the group and I went to talk to the doctor about it afterwards.

What I found out about ADD vs. ADHD and also how this disorder manifests itself in girls surprised me. He told me that several of the kids in the room were not ADD or ADHD and would be weeded out as time went on. They had their issues, true but what he was really trying to do was test them amongst their peers. My daughter focusing on me and not on him, even though she could not see me, was more characteristic of ADD than pinging off the walls, as was her shyness and fear. I had completely missed the fact that while she was watching herself in the mirror and waving at me, she was NOT following his directions.

Later Dr. Sozne would divide the kids into groups and assign each group a simple project. While the boys were fighting over who got what piece of the project, my daughter was trying to solve the whole assignment. She could not wait for the others to stop fighting so she went about it on her own. She forgot it was a group project. Teamwork was impossible until Dr. Sozne showed them all that without a PLAN they would always be stuck. He suggested they pick a leader and the leader assign pieces. The rule was, if you raised your voice above normal levels, you were not eligible.....boy, that was a fun one to watch. If I recall, only one group finished their project but they all learned to be quiet. My daughter drifted off singing to look out the window.

Through the years, she switched to one on one therapy, where her ADD and some of the anxiety that comes along with it were addressed. Her school gave her a special designation requiring the teachers to seat her away from distractions and to use a timer to remind her when a transition in the class would be coming up (an example is 5 minutes before they had to put their books away or go to lunch). She had timers for everything at home, it helps with the anxiety that arises by telling an ADD child they must stop doing something immediately. Over time, she learned to pace herself, but she still needs a warning to stay calm. She managed to hurt herself unintentionally a few times, frequently came home with most of her body covered in drawings and struggled to complete assignments that she did not even know were due until the last moment. In retrospect, it was not the best school for her, but still what was to be expected. She did manage to make some very good friends, which is some times difficult with ADD or ADHD children but as with all kids, very, very important.

When she reached puberty, we did try some medications. She was distracted by all the usual things, boys, TV and gossip, but unlike the other kids, she had a very hard time focusing on school work. Again the anxiety was high, the ability to complete anything was low and she was depressed. After several attempts with medication, we found that all of them made her even more depressed and opted instead to put her in a better school.

She was unhappy at first in her new school. While not a "special" school of any kind, it had a much better record and smaller teacher to student ratio. It was also in a wealthy part of the state and was not laking for funding as her previous schools had been. She spent 8th grade surrounded by a group of very supportive friends who thought her acquired quirkiness was a benefit and her teachers realized that spending some extra time with her was more than worth the effort. She learned to like school, then she became an A student.

In the end, we could not afford to live in that expensive neighborhood and moved a few miles away to a new school district. She is still fast friends with her eighth grade classmates and sees them often. She has acquired a few new friends in high-school mostly by joining groups that embrace every one's individuality. She still comes home covered in drawings, as do her books and clothes. She still needs reminders when a transition is needed. She still forgets assignments in school, but she has learned that teachers will help you and often forgive you if they know you are trying. I have not told the high school of her "special needs" as she wanted to have a chance to prove herself without anyone treating her differently.

Now, she drinks coffee, which REALLY helps her concentrate. She eats a balanced diet and gets extra sleep. She is teaching herself to play guitar as an exercise in concentration. To help with her anxiety, she listens to music all day, but oddly, it helps her stay more focused. She is a straight A honor student and in her spare time, she does volunteer work. In terms of limits on her life, she really only has two and she placed them there herself. She has decided she is not ready to drive a car (for obvious reasons) and she is not ready to date (The process would make it too hard to concentrate on school). She is a wonderful, adapted, well rounded, successful human being and I could not be more proud.

Of course there are all sorts of stories between the lines in our life, from the terrifying to the humorous. If there is an interest I would love to share some of my experiences, if only to validate that no matter what your ADD / ADHD child is doing (or NOT doing) I have been there. My fiance is ADHD and his son is ADD as well, so I have seen all sides.

Hope this helps.