I have to begin by warning you. This is a very disturbing piece of writing. This is a true excerpt from someone’s life that I am very close to.

This man started out at a very young age raised in the church. He was raised Baptist first, then in the Pentecostal Church, affiliated with the Assemblies of God. He was not only raised to believe in God, but to pray, and to be close to God.

After a few horrific incidents that had happened at a young age, in his adult years, he strayed from his childhood beliefs and began to question things in his life. He began to drink and occasionally use drugs.

Even with this, he was able to start a family, hold down a six-figure job, and keep up a good front throughout most of his life. After about 10-12 years of this kind of lifestyle, a few more very traumatizing events happened in his life. And as he would describe it, he "gave up for awhile."

He "gave in" and found that his life was so painful, he began to mask his pain and looked for "an edge" in life by using cocaine. As he explains, "then one day the powder form of coke wasn’t available and the hard was, so I bought that instead." "Hard" is the description of rock or crack cocaine that is smoked (freebased) rather than the powder form that is snorted.

Once he began using crack cocaine, he admits that "he finally had found a drug that was bigger than him." Then almost ten months later, he depictively describes the horrid detail of the mental torture and the struggle that he had. That’s where this story comes in.

He is now a recovering addict, and forever will be. But, the following part of this story is what he calls his "last cry of desperation." This was how he described the moments of his life just prior to going to his family for help and getting clean through rehab and therapy.

This is something that I HAD to share with you. Maybe just to help you understand how evil and how wretched this drug can be, but also to tell you that although he has been through all of this, today he is truly free.

Today he lives to talk about this and has made huge strides in his personal life to get back to the beliefs of his childhood. This story ends good, for what we know of it now, but the details of getting to where he is today are very disturbing. This is how he describes it:

The scene is set in a small two-bedroom apartment that is literally trashed. There were bugs, garbage, clothing, and blinds on the windows that he forced to not be able to open. But this is how he described some of his final moments with this drug and the torturing thoughts in his mind.

"You grasp to know the difference between this and death. The devil speaks to minds that are expanded, and this is what the devil was saying to me: ‘Fortunate Son, you have turned your back on God, you have failed everything around you.

You have failed your children, your family, you lover, your job, your moral upbringing, your religion, your sacred heart. It is in this that I am defeating you. Your paranormal visions are not so paranormal, they are a reality.

And now you cannot see the world like anyone else does. The world of ME exists and I am here to destroy you. You cannot do this much longer, because with me you accept death and eternal sanction to Satan. I will not take care of you, I AM HERE WITH THE INTENTION OF DESTROYING YOU.

You have lost your favor in the eyes of God and you are truly amongst the unforgivable. In the world of choosing right and wrong you have chosen the incorrect path. Because of this, you have lost your grasp on life itself.

You have no excuse for this, you were given opportunity, and you squandered it away. There is no way out of this, there is no answer, there is no feeling left in you but shame. And this shame will cause you to go deeper, cause you to go further. You have already lost control and I am here to ensure that you never regain it. You have destroyed your life and your thinking mind to the point that you cannot recover.

I will haunt you, I will hurt you, there is no way back from this, and no way to take all of this back, you’ve exceeded the holy limits. You have gone too far and you know this. It is just a matter of time before the inevitable happens…how about tonight?

You don’t deserve the gift of life, you have succumb to the failure that you are, you have given in to the point that you cannot enjoy a single moment of your life from here. Never think that you can recover from this, because the depths of this have reached the very pits of your undesirable soul. You sold yourself to me, now live with it, see it, breathe it, accept it.

Do more of this drug, put more into your body because I am about to shut it down. You will not live through this today. I am here to twist your mind into this, I am here to destroy everything about you. Your heart hurts, because you physically cannot do this any longer. There is nothing to hold on to, there is nothing to live for, there is nothing to do other than to finish this now.

And if you don’t today? Then you will be back here tomorrow for more of my encouragement. The kind of encouragement that you have sold out to. The kind of encouragement that has convinced you that you are nothing. It is time, the evil part of my world exists, you are helpless and nothing else matters.’"

And then he says that noises, visions, excruciating heartache and continual internal turmoil over the mistakes that he had made had won. Emptiness had never been so apparent. His paranoia had never been stronger.

"You feel like everyone and every thing is watching you. Hallucinations prevail and become reality. The sickening sound of voices talking. Not to you, but about you. Watching you, waiting to pounce on your every fear.

Waiting to laugh you off to the face of the devil. Convincing you of everything that was spoken to you by the devil. The feeling is that of being shunned from the very presence of God. The feeling is that there is no help, there is no more feeling good. Paranoia takes over, conversations within my head were ringing. The hallucinations were real. Reality was skewed and my reality was the hallucination. What was my reason for living?"

AND THIS…was his prayer to God at this moment:

"God Almighty, I know you are there. To my past loved ones that have left this life…Dad, My Best Friend (that had passed when the two of them were younger), anyone, help me!

Help me pull through this. Help me out of this. Help me forgive myself. Help me run from the devil as I have never been so close to him as I am now. I have seen the depths of hell on earth, I do not have the power within myself to get away from this. I need help.

I need the presence of God back in my life. If you have ever done anything to help me, help me now. I love you God, Dad, I’m sorry. I need this addiction to go away. Please help me get away from the things that I am feeling, the things that I am seeing, the things that are making me lose my mind.

Please help me engage in your healing power. Help me defeat this evil presence so that I may live again. I know you are there, I know you can do this. Without YOU I am helpless. Please help me NOW or I will no longer last.

I need this, I need you, I need all the good things and people in my life that I have failed. I need them all. Please open other’s minds to the idea that I am at my most desperate moment. And to the severity of the fact that I will not live much longer through this, I am truly at death’s door. Help me understand how I got here, help me forever fight this, so that I can serve You and never be afraid again. Help me be comfortable in the nighttime once again.

Help me with my fears that are now so embedded in my soul. I don’t see a way out of this, but if there is one, is has to be divine. Because human strength alone is not enough to fight this. God please reach out to me ONE MORE TIME. And with this, your help, and your blessing, I will not fail you again.

I will not allow myself to be the doormat of the evil presence. I will speak out and warn others of this wickedness. I will not fail you if you help me this last time. Without your supreme presence within me, I cannot go on beyond this moment. I cannot do this any longer.

I have a desire to live, but not this way. I need you, I need you to save me, I need you to save my life. I need to feel your presence in my life again. I need to be free of this. Only YOU can help me with this. I have no other place to turn.

God, even if you can’t forgive me, help me break away from this or just allow me to quit life. Because I DO love the important things in my life. My children, my family, my lover, my life. I have never been so desperate, I feel so low.

God change me, or the devil will win. The devil will have this soul that I possess, not of my own free will, but because he was stronger than me. Please fulfill the sanctity of your Holy Word, and save me from the grasp of death and destruction. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…."

And as he was saying I love you over and over again, he drove for help.

As I stated earlier, there is good news that has now come out of this. Although scarred, this man has now been sober for a significant amount of time and now looks back on this as a time in his life that God spared him.

Of course there is so much more to this story, but I will end this part here. I will be writing more about the days of this man’s life, the part that has followed the addiction. It is truly is a miraculous story.

Let me apologize to any of you that may have been offended by this. But my opinion is, just as you exercise the right to choose whether or not you read certain things, I felt compelled to exercise my right to write about this.

But more importantly than all of that, if you or someone you know, or someone that you have been in contact with has a drug addiction problem, please help.

It is my understanding that drug abuse begins as a choice and potentially can be a disease for some. A disease where people do not choose anymore. One where their brains are stimulated so strongly by the drug, that it overrides their physical ability to stop.

Don’t be critical, or self righteous in this situation…please just help them. Although there may be a struggle, the ending can turn out very well. If you need more information, please go here:

http://www.drugfree.org/Intervention/ OR CALL: 1.866.832.2346 OR feel free to contact me here: scottaye73@yahoo.com.