Living in Japan and the Reverse Culture Shock of Coming Home

Standing in the kitchen over the sink, I scrubbed the rice in my hands, dipping into the bowl in the sink, getting the rice and water between my hands and rubbing them together. The water that dripped back down into the bowl was chalky white. When the water ran clean, the rice was ready to cook.

We then sat on the floor around our little table in the living room and ate our dinner. It may have been brown curry with potatoes; that was one of my favorites. This was about four years ago, when I moved to Japan with my boyfriend who was teaching English at a few schools in Kaminokuni. It was a very small fishing town on Hokkaido, the most northern island of Japan.

After graduating Indiana University and having no clear career goals of my own, I followed my boyfriend to Japan. There I couldn't work since I didn't have a work visa, so I thought this was going to be the perfect time for me to get lots of writing and reading done and to learn Japanese. The plan was to stay a year. We were provided with a small house near the schools within walking distance to the sea, the post, and the grocery. I had study materials on Japanese language and lots of colored pens- to me that sounded like the makings for a good life.

Before I got to Japan, I read lots of books on the culture- not just so that I wouldn't offend someone or make a fool of myself, but also to help with the culture shock that would come. A book I enjoyed was Culture Shock! Japan. It was humorous and practical. I would suggest reading as much as you can get your hands on before you travel. Knowledge is comforting and useful; it will diminish your shock.

Here are some thing to keep in mind when spending time in Japan...

• When meeting, if a business card is offered, take it with both hands and read it. Don't cram it into your pocket in front of them. Put it in your wallet or on the table in front of you.
• The Japanese bow in greeting, but in business some may shake hands. In general, they are not big on physical contact. Unless you are very close, I don't suggest throwing your arm around someone or patting them. When you bow, the person of inferior position bows more deeply. Foreigners are not expected to know this so you can just do what you are comfortable with, as long as you at least give a respectful nod.
• Take off your shoes when entering homes and some buildings. There are often little shoe cubicles and slippers for visitors in the entry way of a building. Keep it neat- if you are just placing your shoes on the floor, turn them to face the door so that you can slip right into them when you leave and place them side by side to one side of the entrance way.
• Some places also have toilet slippers that will be sitting just outside of the bathroom. In this case, take off your house slippers and put on the toilet slipper to enter the bathroom. Remember to take off the toilet slipper when leaving the bathroom!
• Don't ever stick your chopsticks down into your food, especially your rice. This is done as at funerals. Don't spear food with chopsticks or pass food from your chopsticks to someone else's.
• Gift giving is big in Japan. If you are meeting someone for the first time and are going to start a business or personal relationship with them, consider bringing a small gift to give them from your home town or country and present it to them in both hands (also receive gifts this way). It doesn't need to be anything major, just a token to show that this meeting means something to you.

• The gift wrap also matters. Presentation is meaningful to the recipient and you should take a little time to wrap gifts neatly to make a nice presentation. When you receive a gift, be gracious and don't unwrap it immediately. Admire the wrapped gift and open it later unless they want you to open it right away.

• You shouldn't eat while standing or walking down the street, unless you are at a ramen counter or having an ice cream.
• Avoid eye contact when bowing or people watching.
• When drinking with friends/ co-workers, fill the empty glasses of those around you, as they will do for you. Don't pour for yourself.

• When bathing in a public or shared bath, the Japanese wash themselves before entering the bath. There will be a place to sit with a wash bowl and cloth. The public bath is only for soaking.

Occasionally I went to the schools with my boyfriend to help with the English lessons. We went to a tiny school, Chiisago, just up the coast from us. It is settled on the mountain side with a view of the sea- this place was un-real beautiful. The school was attended by about 12 kids of elementary school age. We would play games with English numbers and sing songs then eat lunch together and play in the gym before going home.

Lunch time at Chiisago was different from US schools. The meals were delivered on a truck at lunch time. The kids put on aprons and we ate in the class room around a few tables. Afterwards, the kids cleaned up the dishes and brushed their teeth, then we would all go and play in the gym.

I ended up spending five months living in Kaminokuni. The people in that town were incredibly nice to me. There were not many English speaking people there and we did get stared at a lot. Mainly by children who have not yet learned that it is rude. I felt a bit like an alien and had to remind myself of our similarities to keep from feeling too lonely.

Coming home was the worst culture shock for me by far. I had some rough personal times in Japan and had gotten used to being a solitary creature. Coming home to big hugs and kisses was strangely difficult and it took weeks and weeks to feel normal again. I felt depressed and frustrated that I couldn't make people understand what it was like where I had been and how I felt about it.

It is normal to experience reverse culture shock. The longer you are abroad the harder it can hit you, so just try to keep it in mind and don't feel alone in it. Vagabondish, a web travelzine, has some good advise on how to deal with this reverse shock. You may feel out of place and frustrated back at home, but give it time. It will start feeling normal again to drive everywhere and not eat rice for every meal, but you may still want to- rice is so good!