I am writing today with my official written assessment of your first 100 days in office. You will be required to respond in writing to all feedback herein-- in order to both confirm that you read and understand the terms of continued employment and also to offer your explanations on key discussion points in the ‘things we aren’t impressed with’ section of this letter.

Things we are impressed with

Mr. President, we are very impressed with your ability to negotiate with world leaders and represent our country to the world. Your attendance at global functions has been largely recognized as highly helpful for America’s continued standing as a world leader. Mrs. Obama also represents us impeccably; her encounter with Queen Elizabeth showed her grace and style as a guest. We hope you are representing us accurately behind closed doors as well.

Mr. President, we are also very impressed with how you’ve helped us gain confidence in your decision making ability. Your constant reassurance to us through webcasts and regular addresses help to put us at ease during these uncertain times. Your quiet confidence and firm demeanor let us know that you take your job seriously. We hope you aren’t sugar coating things too much.

Mr. President, we are happy you finally got a dog. It was beginning to seem like you wouldn’t pick one. Even though, in the end you didn’t actually pick a dog, we were still happy to see Mr. Edwards decide for you. It is good to have a dog and if you pay enough attention to him, he will likely be a good friend and a real life saver on your most stressful days. Try not to let him get that weird eye gunk that scraggly dogs get sometimes.

Things we aren’t impressed with

Mr. President, we aren’t very happy with the way your bailouts have been panning out. Many of us were very concerned with these from the start and have not been reassured by positive news to change our minds now that the country has had some time to see if they work. To add insult to injury, some of these companies have not been using the bailout money appropriately, and some Americans still are not qualified to get loans from banks, to buy cars, to help car makers and banks stay in business. We thought you knew our credit scores are bad now because we lost our houses and our jobs. The business men do not really seem to care when you get upset with how they spend the money because you lack authority to do anything about it. Can you stop making bailouts and invest that money in the new economy instead of the old one? We don’t want our children to pay any more car companies to lay off their grandparents.

Mr. President, the situation at our southern border is out of control now. We do not want to militarize our border or lose our gun rights. We do want you to decriminalize drug use and end the drug war. We understand that this is a very difficult proposition to face in a time when it seems the decision would be two steps back just to make one forward. We understand a lot of old people dislike reasoning with younger people. We did not think it was funny when you brushed over our calls for decriminalization of marijuana at your Internet town hall meeting and then insinuated that – that very audience and topic were not worthy of your serious consideration and discussion. We lost the drug battle, sir, but it is okay; if we spend the money on education instead of jail we can win the war.

Mr. President, speaking of the war how is that going? We know you changed the name of it to help us think of it differently, but we still see it. Are you still planning to keep your word to bring our troops home? They miss their families and we would like them to come home and spend some of their money. They might still have good credit. Maybe you could give them all new GM and Chrysler cars when they get here, on behalf of the American public.

In summary, Mr. President you have earned a first 100 day presidential rating of: average. You show great potential as an American leader and influential politician because you have an honest smile, a very outgoing and attractive personality, and a nice dog. You are holding yourself back by talking at the American people more than listening to their wishes. We’ve wanted our country back for quite a while now and we knew it was time for a president who would give it back. Hopefully you will be that president not only on the surface, but also for real.

Regards and Best Wishes for the Next 100,

J. Kumm