Annoying Things People Do and Say
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When somebody asks you what time it is by tapping their watch-less wrist with their index finger. I know where my watch is ! Do they also tap their crotches when they want to know where the toilet is?
Then there are others who will drag themselves off the sofa and hunt, usually cussing at the same time, all over the room, for the TV remote control – all because they refuse to walk across to the TV and change channels by hand.
There will be plenty of people here who remember TV’ s before remote. People used to discuss when to change channels. Nowadays I suspect that most households have (self) designated remote control holder who randomly switches channels as they wish. This is the reason that I have famously lost the plot on many occasions whilst watching a TV drama!
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I hate it when I’m trying to negotiate something and all I get back is that stupid phrase ‘ You just want to have your cake and eat it too’ …………..this always succeeds in spoiling the flow of my argument because all I can think – and then have to say out loud – ‘Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?’
Where do these wasteful, stupid phrases come from and what part do they play in any dialogue?
Like when people say – as though they’ve discovered the next bid breakthrough in molecular science - "It's always the last place you look". ……………………………....................huh..........................................arrrghhhh.......…………..mnnnnn..................................gather.................................
Of course it is! Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick them!
OK, so now I’m in the cinema – caught up in the action unfolding on the big screen in front of me, there’s a big plot point, my imaginative senses are heightened – then the whole mood is ruined for me when my neighbor says "Did you see that?". No Dickhead ! I paid €12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr …
One of the rudest is when somebody asks ‘Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
And when I read that something is 'new and improved!' Well, which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. That one has generated some great discussions in stores – well, great for me, maybe not for the poor salesperson who has to be polite.
Finally, I’m standing at a bus stop, somebody joins me in the queue and asks "Has the bus come yet?" …….
None of the above are irrational as the phrase ‘life is short’ - What the?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
I think the churlish imps have got into me today.
THOSE CHURLISH IMPS GOT ME ! ! !
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Hi Teresa - and thanks - 12 euros is for 2 tickets, my mistake.
I had fun, too! I've always loved sarcasm and maybe I could use your witty one-liners to desired effect when the occasion calls for it! Thanks for the laughs! :D
Hysterical. And absolutely great ones! You know, when people say life is short I always stop dead in my tracks. It's so commonly heard but it always irked me and I could never get past the irk. Now I know why. It's because you're right. And by the by, I remember those churlish imps from when I was little. What show were they on?
Hi Iphigenia ! I followed Ms Babbley here, the title caught my eye, and I'm so glad! I've tears on my eyes, that was hilarious! I think "It's always the last place you look" really did it for me! Boy, am I going to have fun with that one!!
hey Frieda - they are the Sleestacks from the old sci-fi series “Land of the Lost”. Bug-eyed, reptilian creatures, they hated bright light and rarely ventured out during the day, preferring to stalk their human quarry under cover of darkness. So here was I stalking the world of ordinary people who simply do and say things that annoy me ... I'm also bug eyed. And reptilian.
Oh, it's all true. Here, if you go see a movie downtown, people are yelling at the screen. "Don't do it! He's going to get you!" They probably shout at the TV at home, too. The only solution is to become a hermit, but I suspect that they'll find me no matter where I go.
My wife is a notorious channel flipper. Every time there is a commercial break, she starts flipping around to see what else is on. Problem is, it takes her 20 minutes to get back to the show we were watching!
@Tom, it's their job to find you. I believe there are armies of movie shouters who are paid by the Hollywood production companies. It's a dark conspiracy to drive up dvd sales.
Er...can I ask you a question Iphigenia? :P
Just kidding...great hub! :)
Absolutely hilarious - except when it happens to you and you want to strangle someone!
So true and very funny! "New and Improved" is one that always gets to me for the reason you said, plus it makes me think that it must have been pretty stinky to begin with if they felt the need to improve it. It's like saying, "Yea, we know this really sucked when we made it the first time, but try it now...it's not half as stinky as before!" No thanks. ;)
Can I add one? It's something that drives me insane. Why is it that the first thing out of a doctor's mouth is, "How are you today?" Um, would I be sitting in a stupid, flu infested doctor's office if I was doing well?
"For your convenience" has always annoyed me. As in: "For your convenience, We are completely rearranging our store, and putting merchandise in absolutely nonsensical areas, in which you would never think to look."
Here's my rant. It seems I can't go more than a day or two without a stranger asking me for the time.
"I don't know." I politely reply.
"Well don't you wear a watch?" the stranger persists.
"I gave up wearing a watch when I retired," I counter.
"Well how do you tell the time without a watch?," jabs the annoying busybody.
"I don't care what time it is. I don't have to be anyplace. You are the one who needs a watch and perhaps you should consider buying one instead of using people as clocks. You want to know the time. Okay. I'll tell you. It's Spring Time!"
As grating as the 'Time Seekers' are, they are not the worst. The title of 'most obnoxious' goes to a nearly extinct band of people called the 'Light Lookers'. Thirty years ago these people were everywhere. They liked to pounce upon you as you emerged from a store with your arms full of bundles.
"Got a Light?," they'd query as you tried to get to your car.
"No I don't smoke," you would reply.
"Yes you do," they'd banter. "C'mon, I just need a match to light my smoke."
Thankfully since most everybody has quit smoking (or gone underground) we don't encounter these pests anymore. When I was younger I was too polite to tell them what in my dotage comes very easily.
"I'll give you a match! Your face and my A--.
Thanks for all the commments and additions guys. Here's another one : "so, he turned round and said "xxxx", then she turned round and said "yyyy" well, that got me really mad so I turned round to him and said "zzzz" and you'll never believe what she turned round and shouted at me?" - or somthing like that. t makes me dizzy and nauseous.
may I be so bold to say blah blah blah
Ahh! Tapping crotches is a great one! Saucy and I love that you curse, to be honest it's great! About the "last place you look", I usually have a jumble in my head of a few places it could be. Going systematically, though I should jump to the last idea first (usually) I'll find the item in the last place that was in my head. I get what you're saying though, you won't look anymore when you find it =)
In the school I work at we do a song in which the kids are taught to tap on their wrist as the action for the lyric: "look at your watch." So maybe that is why people do this - they have been exposed to learning the same song!
Well how in the hell did I miss this funny shit? yer something else now. loved it dear and btw, love your new and improved avatar too. haha woo-hoo
Hi C.C. - got to reply to you if only to put my butt about a bit more. :x)
yer funny hunny. love it too. haha bring it on baby
That was hilarious, could you imagine someone tapping there crotches? lololo oh that was definitely funny love the article. :)
HI AE - Glad I made you laugh - I'm a grumpy old witch at heart aren't I ?
Hi Iphigenia, I was laughing at the silliness of it all? I could just imagine tapping my vagina to ask where the toilet is ROFL. And here is another question, "Are you asleep?" Ooops, don't you get annoyed with me. hehehe
Iphi - I guess you don't like it when people state the obvious then ;) Jolly good of you to point out how often those around us emit completely useless statements ...
I particularly dislike "have you got the time?" - for what? Or even "have you got the time on you?" - Nope. Bag. Check. Clothes. Check. Hair. Check. Time. Sorry, not got any on me today ...
I had a cop acuse me of following him once, I pointed out that he may be right, as I was behind him!
Hi RM, FD and EH - thanksfor reading and adding your favourite useless statements ... I'm sure there are more out there ..........
Bahaha, I'm really glad you brought the whole 'bus stop' situation to light, i get asked that about every other day :p
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Teresa McGurk says:
9 months ago
Oh Iphigenia -- this is hilarious; but I gotta say you stopped me short when you said it was 12euros to go see a movie -- that's a lot of money! "new and improved" has always bugged the bejesus out of me, thank you for bringing it to light!