Any man of mine will...............

I am soon to be ending a relationship that has lasted too long, without love. I haven't felt love in over a decade. I have not enjoyed sex in over a decade. I have not felt sexy in over a decade. I have not loved myself in over a decade.

I have learned some things in my 12 1/2 year marriage. I have emotionally, been out of love, as i said, for over a decade. Now that my marriage is in a legal separation and I'm closer to finally ditching my "dead weight", I've come to realize that I do have loving feelings inside of me. I do have a sexual side. I like sex, just not with someone who abuses me. I had lost that part of me in my marriage. He took sex from me and from that day forward, I have not loved or respected him in the least.

Here is what I expect from my man......

1. He will see me as his equal, in ever aspect of the relationship

2. He will respect me and my ideas

3. He will honor me and be faithful to me. My motto is, "If you wanna stray, stray. I won't hate you but you ain't coming back here."

4. He will show me his love for me, in a positive way. Think of me first once in awhile. I don't ask for much. A few times a year would be appreciated.

5. He will be romantic, I want to be treated like a princess. You treat me like a princess and I will WANT to treat you like a king!

6. He will deal with my family and friends, whether he truly likes them or not.

7. He will not get out of hand with jealousy. A little jealousy is healthy, and can be sexy. But if a man is too clingy or spazzes over male friends, forget it.

8. He will be honest! I do believe for white lies, "what they don't know, won't hurt them", can sometimes be the best policy for either party in the situation. As long as the truth would not hurt the other person in the end, this would be okay. Otherwise, honesty is the best policy. The best of couples can work through "bad choices", if they were well-intentioned.

9. He will respect my children and my authority to parent my children. No man will come into my life and expect to parent my children. That is my job, and the job of their father. And I will not parent their children either.

10. He will want to protect me from all evils. Whether he's smaller than I, or larger, I expect a man to protect his woman. I want to feel safe everywhere I go.

11. He will truly love me, or set me free. Only a real man will come forth with his deep, heart-felt feelings and emotions. If a man can fit into my expectations, then I am willing to give it a try. Until then, I'm happy with myself (most days..lol).

I want a man who isn't embarrassed to put his arm around me in public. I want a man to make me feel beautiful, even when I'm not. I want my man to shield me with his jacket, while it rains. I want a man who loves the outdoors. I want a man who spends ample time with me, yet has a life of his own, his own hobbies. I want a man who will kiss me on the forehead (this, to most women, shows a sign of real love) once in awhile, or touch my face as he gently kisses me. I want a man who at least tries to understand me when I'm hurting or emotional. Give me five minutes of your day, please. I want a man who allows me to be me. I want to be me. I am a wonderful person and would be a wonderful mate to anyone who is good to me. I am nobody's property. You cannot tell me what my job in life is. Take me or leave me. I am on a seemingly neverending search for true love and happiness. I will not let another human being stand in my way.

As I sit here in fantasy-land, sideways grin and a small speck of happiness, I feel my true self starting to shine through the grayness. I can see the light.

I will not go after love, but will openly embrace it when it has shone itself to me.