Since I can remember (more like 12), I have always had my mom and brother tell me that I need to suck in my stomach. I wasn't a chubby, but I was a stick figure until I hit puberty, so compared to the way I looked before I hit puberty, and afterwards, there was a differance, but not much in my opinon. When I moved to back to my home state of North Carolina, I did gain weight, and at the moment, I am the heaviest I have been at about 183 Ibs. give or take a couple of pounds. Am I happy that I have gained the weight? No, of course not, but I have not done a whole lot, either, to get rid of the weight. The point though, is that they have told me to suck it in for a number of years. Does it make me happy? No. To them, appearance is everything; if you don't look the part, you are not the part. And with my brother especially, he always has to LOOK the part. A large part of it is the fact that he is a gay man, and in the gay community for men, looks are everything; I will never understand that, but to each their own.

I have never been concerned, really, with how I look. Over the past couple of months, I have realized that, at the end of the day, looks are not everything. People WILL judge you on how you look and a first impression can be everything. But I have to remind myself that most people are not going to get to know me, but when they do, they'll realize that it is your personality that makes a difference, more so than your clothes. But I have to remember that most people will base their opinion on me based on what I wear. I am a shirt and jeans girl. I don't like shopping, I hate it the second I walk into a clothing store, I am instantly tired. I just can't stand having to go into a store and pick out clothes. That doesn't mean I don't have any nice clothes, because I do, but the majority of what I have don't belong in the "Nice Clothes" category.

When I was at work today, McAlister's Deli to be exact, I had a co-worker tell me that I wear clothes that remind her of what boys would wear. Which I suppose is true. I'm not a girly girl and never will be. I don't wear make-up. Although, even if I wanted to wear make-up, I couldn't really, because I work in the back, mostly, either making the food, prepping, or washing dishes. To me, I'm not going to wear make-up when I'm not up in the front helping customers. Although, I have worked up front, but still didn't wear make-up. Anyway, she further went on to say that she thought that I was a lesbian BECAUSE of the fact that I wear clothes that are more boy than girl. The only other time I have been told that, is from my mom. It's one thing to hear it from the mouth of your own mother; but when you hear it from someone who is NOT related to you, it takes you by surprise. Again, I am a t-shirt and jeans kind of gal. The majority of the t-shirts that I have are from my high school, or the couple other t-shirts that I have are college t-shirts. I don't wear them often when I am at work, since I have to wear a McAlister's Deli shirt. What got to me more though, was that she thought I was a lesbian. I am straight, I do like men, and I most likely will never have a gay experience. But I came to this conclusion when she thought that I was a lesbian:

1. I wear a baseball hat to work. Because I take a scooter to work, I generally turn the hat backwards so that the wind doesn't knock it off. If/when I'm not up front, and I am in the back, I generally keep it backwards, since it's already like that. No need to change it.
2. I have two pairs of board shorts. I role the cuff up, though, since I am petite and they look really long on me. One pair, I admit, does make me look a little butch, but when able, I can go to the local tailers and they can shorten the cuff, no big deal.
3. Other than the two board shorts, the only other pairs of pants that I wear are capri pants, that I again roll up. But I roll them up so that I don't look like a soccer mom or someone who has pants that look to short on them. Because I am petite, if I keep the capri's at normal length, it does look more like a pair of ill-fitting pants, than actual capris. So I generally do not feel butch or masculine when I wear them.

Other than those three points, I don't really see how I am a lesbian. Well, actually, I do get it, but I perhaps do not want to really acknowledge it really. I just don't see myself as being boy-ish or masculine or anything like that. I'll freely admit that I am not a girly girl, but still.

It's just amazing to see and hear what other people's perception is of you when you start to talk to them. I never thought I'd be pegged as a lesbian, although, I always had it in the back of my mind if people actually saw me as that.