Since the death of my husband, I've been alone a lot.  I want to say I feel like I've be forced, by life's circumstances, to be left alone sooner and longer than most others but I seriously have no way of knowing.  I have tried to be my own support group by reading books on grief and all the myriad of emotional and physical aspects that go along with it.  I have found some books to be incredibly helpful and some websites that offer some good insights.  I'd like to give you some of these titles and links to use if you so choose.

I'd like to start the list my qualifying it with, these are my own opinions during this particularly tragic time in my life.  It is only my opinion.  I suggest that if you are truly interested, then check the books out of the library before buying, which is what I did, or take the time to peruse through them in the bookstore before spending any money.  What I like may not be what you like or need to read or hear in your time of grief.  As always, and all these books and websites state the obvious, grief is intensely personal.

"Grief Expressed  When a Mate Dies" is by Marta Felber.  She is a widow and a counselor.  It was the title that got me and the cover shot of a woman holding a book.  Or I thought it was a book.  After I left the library and got the book home, the woman wasn't holding a book at all.  It was a spiral.  So get ready.  This is a list book.  It helps with things you may not remember to do, things you don't know you can do, and things you need to attend to but can't seem to get organized due to the pain you are going through.  Lists to make are like, how to make the house seem less empty, things you can do to make yourself feel safe, where you stand financially (especially necessary when the spouse who died is the breadwinner), and on.  Then Ms. Felber moves into less tangible list making for areas like friendship, family relationships, how to cope when even the small things hurt your feelings or make you angry.  On the page across from each list you can make are Ms. Felber's own lists, a sort of cheat sheet to help guide you.  I found this book helpful to a point but I am a very detail oriented person, meticulous to the penny, the filing of papers, and a constant worrier.  It wasn't exactly what I personally needed but it is a good book for when you know you need to take care of something and you can't for the life of you think what it is.  It's most likely in this book.  And oh, wait.  There it is.  Take care of me.

"A Grief Observed" by C. S. Lewis.  This book was perfect for me.  He asks the hard questions and we watch him work through his grief.  He questions God.  He questions himself.  He wonders if he will survive being a survivor.  He is one of my favorite authors, but even if you are not a huge fan, if you are grieving, or are close to someone who is, this book will help define what you, or they, are feeling and can't or won't express.

"The Seven T's  Finding Hoope and Healing in the Wake of Tragedy" by Judy Collins.  Yes, that Judy Collins.  She wrote the book about the grief she walked through after the suicide of her son.  It does direct a lot to people living through the suicide of a loved one but not enough to make it less valuable to others who are dealing with any other kind of death.  The quotes, both from famous and the not-so-famous as well as Biblical, were easy to read.  I admit I only scanned each page of this book, stopping to read here and there as it applied to what i was feeling that day, but I did read all the quotes and the affirmations of eaach of her seven T's.  What are they?  Truth, Trust, Therapy, Treasure, Thrive, Treat, Transcend.  It was not exactly on target for my needs but it was a relaxing span of time where I found in the quotes and affirmations the things I needed to make it through that night.

"A Time to Grieve  Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Loved One" by Carol Staudacher.  I like this book.  It has broken life after a death into only three areas, not really phases that could be considered billable by the DSM.  I sometimes dislike the clearly defined phases that some books put forth.  Though they clarify there is no set timeline and symptoms of phases overlap, it feels too much like a graph I'm suppsed to adhere to.  This book has merely tried to put a quiet classification to emotions or behaviors that mourners may feel.  Retreating, Working through, and Resolving.  It is very thorough stating the obvious for which, though I know it clearly, I cannot elaborate on it.  The thoughts are expressed gently with wonderful quotes and stories from others who grieve.  I love this book and am going to buy a copy for myself.  I will need this book for the months and years to come when I find myself so alone that I need it's company.  Here is a sample of the writing inside.  Here is why I love this book.  "We cannot release or discover or heal by the use of our minds alone.  The brain must follow the heart at a respectful distance.  It is our hearts that ache when a loved one dies.  It is our emotions that are mot rastically affected.  Certainly the mind suffers, the mind recalls, the mind may plot and plan and wish, but it is the heart that will blaze the trail through the thicket of grief."

"Surviving Grief...and Learning to Live Again" by Dr. Catherine M. Sanders.  This book is another good one though it is a little less touchy-feely than the previous one.  Dr Sanders writes from personal experience, but she is also a stronger woman than I am.  I found this to be a compassionate book written mostly from the counselor point of view.  There are wonderful quotes at the beginning of each chapter from someone who is grieving that sets the stage for what the chapter is dedicated to.  It covers all kinds of grief from the death of a child, a parent, and also the death of a spouse.  She does have phases, there are five, that seem a little to clinically minded for me at this time.  I liked the book very much and found great insight, but for me, I need more of the C. S. Lewis exploratory writing and the more empathetic books like one from above by Carol Staudacher.

There are a multitude of websites if you google "grief."  I've included some in my previous hubs on grief and I will continue to look them over and put the ones I like with my articles.

I hope this snapshot of the multitude of books available help someone decide what they want to check out of the library or purchase.  Books are as individual as their authors.  Reading about grief can be an exhausting thing to do but I have found that the connection to the books have helped me.  I want to read what others say.  It's almost like feedback.