If you are single, you are not alone. 

Incredibly, as of the turn of the 21st century, the most common household in the US was single people living alone. While some of this was by choice, some of this significant number represents people who would like a long term partnership - and have not been successful. 

At the same time that we are living alone in larger and larger numbers, the divorce rate has finally settled from its steady climb. The rate at which we uncoupled in 2005 was a mere 3.6 per 1000, down from a high of 5.3 in 1981. At the same time, marriage rates are also down with more and more of us choosing to live with our beloved rather than marry him or her. In fact, as of 2005, the National Marriage Project reported that as many as 8.1 per cent of unmarried households were heterosexual couples, who have the right to marry regardless of the state they live in - but chose not to. 

In 2003, almost 50 per cent of mothers and over 50 per cent of fathers with custody of children were separated or divorced. Unfortunately, even as we continue to look for love, we too often fail miserably - and children are often involved. 

In 1996, I was one of those increasing number of single households. I owned my own place. I had a good career as a project manager and well-respected consultant. I was intelligent and - according to my friends - reasonably good company. I'd had enough male suitors to know that I was also attractive to the opposite sex.

However, in almost 20 years of dating, I still hadn't met and married Mr Right.

It wasn't because I didn't want to. It seemed like I had radar for exactly the wrong kind of man. For instance, I was sure I wanted kids. However, I kept meeting men who either weren't sure, already had a few, or had decided they never wanted to procreate and had been "snipped". I thought I was ready to settle down - I'd done a lot, traveled and had enjoyed my single life. However, I'd end up meeting a perfectly captivating someone who would say, "Some days I just want to sweep you off your feet and carry you away. Other days..." Needless to say, I was never handy when one of those "sweep you off your feet" days happened.

I kept telling myself it didn't matter. I had a good life; I had good friends. If I never married, I'd be okay. But, it turns out, my psyche didn't believe me.

It was May. I woke up one morning from a dream in which I was elderly and out with friends. In the dream, I knew I was loved and appreciated. I was healthy and vibrant. I felt as if I knew myself. Then, I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach as a friend in the dream embraced a grandchild and kissed a daughter on the cheek.

I woke up to the realization that if I didn't do everything I could to actually meet and marry and have those 2 kids I'd always hankered for, I would be ripping myself off. And, it would be no one's fault but my own.

So, I started to think about what I needed to do in order to actually meet someone appropriate for me.

Now - I'm a project manager: it's normal for me to look at where I want to go and then break it into steps. That's goal setting at its most practical. That meant that if my goal was marriage, I needed to be able to create a reasonable game plan.

Right from the beginning, I knew I needed to:

1. Find a positive way to think about dating. After all, by this point, the thought of dating someone was about as desirable as having my toenails removed without anesthesia. I just wanted to jump straight to being married - but that was highly unlikely unless I was willing to consider an arranged marriage. (I was not).
2. Find a positive way to think about men with whom I decided I couldn't continue. The thing is that not every date will result in a relationship. So, if someone wasn't for me, how was I going to think about it and talk about it?
3. I needed to be willing to invest my valuable time. If I was really serious, I'd have to be willing to do the work. While I was a busy consultant and didn't need any more clubs, groups or other obligations, I did need to put time into the search for a mate.
4. I needed to find out what was holding me back. Obviously, if I'd really been serious about marrying, why hadn't I already done so? I'd dated men who did want to marry me and yet I had run from them like Julia Roberts in the Runaway Bride (although I'd never been as far as even buying a wedding dress). So, my suspicion was that if I'd really wanted to have a husband, I could have - so there was work on me that needed to be done.

With those ideas in my head, I started to work on a process that would end in a wedding day.

Dating Success Analogies - Or How To Tell Yourself (And Others) A Good Story

Alternatives to Marriage Project

US Census on Single Persons 2008

Divorce Magazine - statistics