I am going to throw an answer in here even though it is, more or less, a backup of "Mother of Threes" observations, and even may go toward explaining how her three children have adapted to their world. I am well aware that there are religious"experts" that would tell you that children are born with the nature of "fallen" man. I disagree with that view, and have found in my observation, (foster mother once, many years pediatric nursing, sometimes in the home), that children are born basically "raw", everry once in a while you get one who is already leaning into a direction, but I do believe, as obviously does MOT that these are children born with disabilities, even when it is borderline personality disorder. These are the children born into balanced homes where all the other children are sound citizens, and this child turns to a life of crime.

Now, where I want to expound on that bit about "rawness" is that I believe that the final outcome of a child's upbringing is a combination of nature and nurture. You cannot turn a vegetable into a beef roast, you cannot turn a piece of lamb into a piece of filet of sole. However, you can prepare a vegetable dish in such a way that no one will miss meat as a part of the meal. And you can prepare most meats so as to bring out the most healthy aspects of that type of meat. It is thus with children.

The child has certain proclivities at birth. These are personality traits inherited from both sides of the family tree. If there is a family member who has a severe issue with temper, it is possible that the child will inherit the short fuse. Sometimes I do truly believe that is simply nature making itself known. However. Witness MOT's three children. She can look at the circumstances in her home at the birth of each child and tell you why they are as they are. There seems no question in her mind. I would have to agree with her, even without the benefit of watching the children.

The Family Tree graphic comes from Australia's Human Rights website.

So, with all that has been said about the nature of the child from birth, and the fact that each of these little people has a personality right from the beginning, it seems that scientists have been unable to isolate what makes one person a criminal and another a compassionate life-giving soul. This is where nurture comes in. I am a kind of "social aunt", in that I have so many people who have come to me for many years and poured out their hearts and souls in anguish and a simple need to "unload". I have come to a conclusion that I cannot back up with empirical data, but which I believe is the essence of why one person flourishes and another flounders.

The answer is simple. If the parents of any given child, anywhere on the planet succeed in one thing, and one thing only, the child will flourish, and grow beyond any of the mistakes any human parent will make with any human child. If that parent succeeds in showing the child they are loved, and that the meaning of that love is that the parent will care what happens to that child no matter what comes of that child's life, the child will manage and grow and heal from that parent's mistakes. I know this is going to strike many as a "Duh", but it seems that it is altogether too easy to loose sight of this when we humans are caught up in the grind of day to day living. I believe this was what Y'shua was trying to show us. I believe that Emmet Fox said it rightly,

Love Will Conquer

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem . . .

It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world . . .

Emmet Fox

Fox was not speaking of romantic love, but of compassion, as the Dalai Lama, and even as Thomas Merton taught. My leaning is more toward His Holiness the Dalai Lama, since one does not need to believe in God, only in becoming a better version of oneself, but Merton had great wisdom to teach as well. I do truly believe that if your children know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love them with this deep love, they will be able to recover from any mistakes you may make.