Are soulmates real?
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Soulmate, a definition
According to Wikipedia, a Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility.
There are a few aspects in this definition that I find very appealing.
No exclusiveness
The definition does not say that you can only have one single soulmate. As long as there is a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, etc. anybody can be your soulmate. One could have a true friend as a soulmate and at the same time be involved in a loving relationship with another soulmate. In my opinion one does not pose a threat to the other either. I am blessed with a number (not numerous) of people with whom I feel deeply connected. I refer to them as friends. But you may call them soulmates if you like.
No duration
You don't have to have this feeling of deep and natural affinity for a lifetime. And that's good. I've had friends with whom I could discuss anything, shared my doubts and concerns with, friends that I could turn to in times of need or insecurity. Those friends were (according to this definition) my soulmates at the time. In due time the contact has changed. It is still good, but different as out separate lives developed.
In fact you could meet a (not your, but a) soulmate, spend a couple of hours together and never see each other again. And why not? If you experience a deep feeling of connection, get to share and gain insights there's nothing wrong with a one time encounter with one of your soulmates.
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So, do soulmates exist?
As with everything, it's all about perception and your own definition. Personally I don't care too much about labels to put on things. I value the various relationships I had and have for what they are without trying to capture them in one single word that should convey everything. Relationships are far too valuable and complex to capture in one word.
I prefer to stay away from these one word qualifications. If I were to look out for my soulmate, I would be looking for all aspects in the definition. Chances are that the people I come across do not fully meet that definition. And then I could be disappointed for not having found my soulmate. On the other hand, I could also appreciate the traits that they do have. I could just enjoy the feeling of deep and natural affinity for what it is and cherish that.
Looking for your soulmate introduces high expectations. Expectations almost always will result in disappointment somewhere along the road. Get rid of the expectations and you'll find that you have opened up for wonderful experiences and people. Each with their own beauty and value. And the best is that they don't have to live up to this ideal of soulmates. Which means they can just be themselves. There's nothing to prove.
Finally
Having said all this, I should also be honest. I am convinced that I have found someone with whom I have this deep feeling of affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and compatibility. If I were forced to describe my relationship with her in one word, then soulmate would come to mind. It wouldn't do her justice though.
So, if you are wondering whether or not there could be someone out there for you, with whom you can share I can reassure you. It may take a while before you find them and along the way you may encounter a number of other soulmates as well. And you should be grateful for that.
Your soulmate is the person you can't stand
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Comments
I believe so too, A. Jill. I think we come across several of those soulmates during our lifetime. People you understand without saying a word. Where a look can say it all.
You give me hope. Even if one feels like they have lost the love of a lifetime.
That's a terrible loss, Cranston. Yet I truly believe that there are more soulmates out there, with whom you can share life's experiences and grow.
I agree with you about not labeling relationships Ananta65. I find I have an indefinable connection with some people that I would rather enjoy in the here and now than try to analyse or understand.
I'm with you, Feline. Defining and analysing things takes the magic out of them, doesn't it?
Absolutely! :)
Another lovely piece Ananta. I definitely agree with you that many of us expect too much and end up being disappointed. In fact, one of the arguments for having arranged marriages is that both parties do not have over-expectations, and often end up being happier in the end. Also some soul-mates work out better as just friends. :)
This also made me think about whether we can have online soul-mates that we have never met in person. Certainly the more impersonal nature of online communication makes this more difficult. I find that most of my online "relationships" are not as long lasting as my real-world relationships.
Great hub - maybe if we stopped 'expecting' from our ideal people or moments and started 'accepting'. we could have many more soulmate experiences without the usual disappointment that follows! I agree with you - sometimes two strangers can spend an hour together, go their separate ways and yet feel so enriched by the experience.
Thank you, Aya Hajime. In fact, I have met one of my soulmates online. This relationships developed and grew online. So the impersonal side of the internet does not have to stand in the way of building lasting, loving relationships.
Thank you too, Shalini Kagal. I’ve got nothing to add to your comment, which is a compliment :)
I have various views on soul mates. I was absolutely sure I found mine, but he passed away 9 months into our relationship. So what I don't understand through that experience is if fate/destiny are somehow involved in me meeting my soul mate, why would he be taken so soon? It made me doubt my certainty in judging who is a soul mate for me or not. I married my husband now out of practicality- we share life goals, etc., but I do miss the soul mate feeling- the depth that I had with that someone who I thought was my soul mate. I don't really believe in more than one soul mate so I kind of figured my chance is over.
I feel sad that you look at it this way, izetl. Apparently you have had a wonderful experience and really connected with your late soul mate, so cherish what you have had. Personally I am convinced that you'll meet others with whom you will experience that same feeling of bonding if you allow yourself to be open to it.
I love your take on this one, Ananta65! You present a very open ended definition, a very positive approach! Thanks!
I may have a more restricted view of soul mates than other people. The person I viewed as my soul mate was like a twin I had never met before. It wasn't the cliche 'you complete me' sort of thing, but more like you understand me without saying a word (like you've mentioned in one of your other hubs) and so much more. I absolutely knew the moment he died even before I got the news 4 hours later and it was an accidental death. I get along with several people, but never a deep connection, not even with friends or random people I've met. But your hub makes me think twice and hope I meet other soul mates someday.
Why thank you Elena. I try indeed to keep an open mind and not be judgmental.
I can relate to what you say izetl. Thing is, that I have experienced that same feeling of understanding, connecting without words with more than one person. I felt that when I met my ex wife and I still feel it with my ex wife. I have no intention whatsoever to get back ‘together’ with her, but I still consider her to be (one of) my soul mates.
hey i was reading this and some of the comments on here and i believe in soulmates, right now im in a relationship but the way we had got together was weird and unexpected, and at first i didnt think anything of it, but some things had happened that i feel like are "signs', and i feel like ive gotten more then just 1..im not going to get into details becuase it would be a very long story, but i think ive gotten signs/messages leading me to my true soulmate, but it wasnt untill the most recent one(3 months ago) that really made me think hard about it, which also made me think back to other previous potential signs, at the time of the prevoius signs i wouldnt have thought about it, like i said im not gonna get into detail but i believe that i looked past the previous signs not paying any attention, but around those times when i recieved the other signs, an incident would always seem to happen, which kind of kept pushing her away over and over (yes they were all my fault) , but i feel like something keeps pulling us back together, like i was destined to be with this girl..like we were created to find eachother, just the way the last sign had happened, if u were there with me or i told u my whole story u would, and if this had happened to you...you would feel the same way....................and speaking of the devil she had just sent me a text message as i was typing this HAH can u help me out and let me kno if this is normal lol
I'm not going to disagree with you, guest. If we want to we can consider ANYTHING to be some sort of sign. And in due time we will interpret the same events differently, attaching different meanings to the same events. Everything is perception. And it's your own perception that guides you on your path.
A. Jill says:
17 months ago
I do believe in soulmate, for lack of a better word. I believe very deeply in the spirituality of relationships, no matter what kind they are. Since I also believe we create our own reality, I have to believe that much that happens to us, is, on some level, by our own design. I believe that soulmates are generally people or souls that we already "know".