Are you listening? Women versus Men in Relationships

Recently while on the phone with my long-term, long-distance relationship boyfriend, I relapsed into the infamous question, "Are you listening to me? I swear you never listen to me." Now, I'm sure that this question has been asked for thousands of years; Martha Washington probably asked George this and he most likely mumbled, "yes, I am." I was quite astonished though when instead of the expected response of "Yes, I'm listening," from my partner, I was greeted with the response of, "Well, I would try, but it wouldn't work."

What!? You can imagine the fiesty argument which ensued directly after this comment, but I'll spare you the details. The bottom line is, unlike women, who gossip and talk and hand out advice like free coupons to their girlfriends, men may in fact need to be trained to listen.

In a recent study, it was shown that women ask 4 questions for every 1 question that men ask. Women might not actually care what their boyfriends, husbands, etc, bought at the grocery store today, but we ask anyways. We like to talk, and we like to listen. Men don't care, so they don't ask. It's just the truth.

It's annoying though, recognizing after several, "mmmnhmm"'s and "okay,I will"'s that your love is flat out ignoring you. Often times, this might trigger the all-too-often repeated phrase, "men are dogs." So, let's pretend men are dogs. This must mean they can be trained, right? I've watched enough Cesar Milan to know even old dogs can learn new tricks. Having said that, here's my advice for all women with men who never listen.

1. Stop talking so much. Oh, I know, this doesn't seem like the greatest idea, since if you're not talking they really won't have to ignore what you're saying at all, On top of that, you'll feel anxious about not telling them you saw your betta fish jump out of his bowl today. Ask yourself this before delving into mundane details which inadvertendly also kill a lot of romance in a relationship: Would you want to hear it? If not, leave it alone. Remind not everything you have to say is actually as important as if seems at the time.

2. Don't demand he listen--this will only put him on the defense. (I've learned this several times...and always seem to relapse.) Instead, show that when he speaks, make sure you actively listen. Just like kids, adults learn by showing...not telling.

3. Read his body language. If you've had a stressful day at work, you may want to vent about it to him. If he's had a stressful day at work, he may want to go on a run and pretend you don't exist. Men are taught that talking isn't the way to resolve things; action is. So, although you may want to tell him about your day, wait it out an hour or two after you guys come home.(Or, if you live apart, do something active instead of just delving into your days. It'll put you both in a better mood to be more responsive.)

You can tell if a guy's in a foul mood, and you'll only be more angry after the conversation when he doesn't listen when in reality you could have prevented it by not mentioning anything yet.

4. Talk to him during his favorite time of day. If he's a morning person, sit down over a cup of coffee before you zoom off to work to chat about the little things, and important things. If he's a night owl, talk to him over dinner. When he recognizes you're going out of your way to discuss things when he's in a chipper mood, he'll be more likely to listen fully.

I'm not saying this should all be your responsiblity, but by doing some simple things, he's may actually recognize what you have to say is worth listening to...unless you're droning on about fashion. Oh yeah, tip number 5, don't talk about clothing, really. Compromise is key...ask him not to talk about your most dreaded subject, and you'll avoid his. Communication is key in any relationship, but giving each other space to think without bombarding one another with unnecessary details may actually improve your relationship.