Today I have a list of topics about which I would like to write, however, before I go any further, I think I should clear up why I called my site "Are you sure?".

The question comes from my fiance... every time we argue. It's one of my biggest pet peeves with him. I would tell him I feel fine, even though deep down I know I'm not and he would proceed to ask "Are you sure?". So annoying! He knows it's annoying, maybe that's why he asks it. Sometimes I think he likes having the upper hand in arguments.

We've been together for 4 years, 5 in November and we'll be getting married next June. Lately I haven't been happy with our communication, and who is in a long term relationship? It's hard work but with us I feel like it's worth it. So I figured it's time to stop being a baby. It's time to grow up and be an adult with my man. He hates it anyway when I talk to him like I'm a child. I used to cry, give up, walk away, slam doors, etc. I never called names, though, so at least that's one thing I didn't have to work on.

There are several books out there to help relationships like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. That book actually came recommended to me but I haven't read it yet (oops!). Dealing with my own issues (moodiness and control) has drastically helped, though. I have encouraged him to help himself with his emotional issues, too. Sometimes all you need is your space. It's funny, I never ever wanted my own space until he taught me that it's healthy to be by yourself and has proved to be quite beneficial, now he hates it when I spend too much time alone! I still consider him a security blanket when I'm feeling insecure in social settings but I'm at least able to go out with my girls from time to time without him.

What helped most in fighting, and sometimes it bothers him, is talking calmly or at least plainly as if you're in a conversation without getting enraged. I focus my bodily energy on something else (like cleaning or sewing) while talking to him. I'm still completely engaged in our conversation, discussion or argument but it never turns into a fight (just to clear things up, a fight to me is shouting and being mean, never physically fighting otherwise I wouldn't be with him). It only bothers him when he wants to fight and not talk about issues as adults. He's becoming better and better with discussing rather than arguing so it helps me to want to become better as well.

If you're a woman, remember that crying in front of your mate (especially if your mate is a man) can make them feel like you're playing unfairly. When a man sees a woman cry, it signals to him "What can I do to make her stop!!!" and he might feel forced to give up his side of the story and say "I'm sorry, everything will be better" when he's still stewing inside. I'm not sure how I restrain my tears but I do think keeping my emotions level helps, I don't get caught up in the moment and my emotions don't run wild. I used to cry every time we argued just because my emotions were at their threshold and they had to get out but now, I don't! Something that you can do is integrate water into your diet and cut out some caffeine. Also, try working out to release endorphins. The last thing I would try (which I've just started) is go to your local pharmacy or vitamin shop and get vitamins that promote good mood (I recommend talking to your doctor first).

The one thing that I see most men doing in arguments (men from the relationships around me like friends and family, I am not a psychologist) is not listening and jumping straight to the solution. Women understand that there should be a solution but mostly we just want to be heard. Yes, that's partly what the girlfriends are for, but you should be your mate's best friend. No, you don't have to hear every little tidbit but at least hear us out when we're talking about something that concerns you. For instance, when we're talking about our children, our goals, budgets, something that really hurt us (whether it was you or someone else), please just listen. After you've listened to your mate, the woman will feel validated and as if you care, it also re-solidifies her trust in you. Later you can communicate to her whether or not you felt the timing was appropriate (length and when she approached you) and hopefully you two will be able to work out a signal to let each other know when you're available to listen and be heard. Then, after you listen, you can come up with a solution and be a man!

Remember not to swear at each other and definitely don't name call. Trying not to shout will certainly increase the feeling of being respected as well. Continue to express how you feel, and try to do it in a timely manner. Although, if you feel you're too upset maybe leave a note saying "I'm really upset, this is why. I can't talk right now because I want to respect both of our feelings. I don't want to yell at you but I do want to talk about this as it is important to me." Then try setting a time frame at the end like, "Here are three times I have time to talk, come to me at any of those times and I'll talk to you" or "I think I will be calmed down in an hour, I'll come talk to you then.". Also, you can remind your partner when it's time for you two to talk that they need to be calm as well such as, "Maybe before we talk you could take a walk" or "How about you play video games and when you're ready, come talk to me". Writing letters or notes is the easiest way to communicate your feelings without making the other person stressed out by your emotions.

When discussing an issue, try to remain as open as possible, remember to lay your pride and stubbornness aside and listen. Keep in mind how you'd like to be treated in your next discussion and implement it toward your mate.

That's my two cents on relationship communication and it all started with an annoying little question, "are you sure?". Hopefully I'll never hear that again!