How to tell if you are wearing a mask:

We are all conditioned and trained to live in a socially acceptable manner. We are taught to behave in a way that is proper. Right from the time we were babies we are told- don’t do this and don’t do that. We are rarely told what we are allowed to do. People, it seems, like to ignore us when we are on our best behavior. They only notice us when we do something bad, like maybe throw a temper tantrum. We are told it is not nice to cry in public, or that we must not laugh too loud, or speak with our mouth full of food etc. We are taught that it is rude to tell someone you do not like them, so we pretend to like them.

More often than not, we wear a mask. We hide our true feelings, we learn to deny what we are feeling. We tell lies in order to be polite, for example if we are invited for lunch or dinner, and you just hate the main dish, you will still put on your best smiling face and pretend to be enjoying it and even praise it, just to be polite. It would be very rude after all to the host/ hostess and the cook to say that you hated the food. On the other hand people preach to us that honesty is the best policy, that we must tell the truth, that is is bad to tell lies.

It then goes without saying that we are in conflict. We do not really know the right way to behave. We then get into the habit of wearing the mask to such an extent that we often do not know who we are or what we really want.

This then stops us from really being ourselves. We learn to behave in ways that will please people often stifling our inner most desires. We soon become victims of our own circumstances. We start to rebel, fight, turn to alcohol or smoking because we do not like the person we are forced to be. We are exhibiting codependent behavior.

It is then very important for our own mental health that we learn to drop the mask we wear and just be our own selves. How do we learn to recognize ourselves and know what is it that we really want?

Well, we can start out by asking ourselves a few questions and taking stock of how we really feel about people and things. For example you can ask yourself-

1) Am I struggling to meet somebody else’s expectations of me? E.g. are you studying medicine because your parents wanted you to become a doctor when all you wanted to do was become an actor or just paint pictures?

2) Are you too concerned about what other people think of you? Do you do things to keep them happy?

3) Are you too scared to speak your mind?

4) Do you give in to pressure from your peers just in order to fit in?

5) Do you hate yourself for being overweight because everyone else thinks you should be thin?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any one of those questions, you probably are wearing a mask.