While in a seminar, I was struck by this comment. There are only two ways to get someone to do something. You can threaten or force them or you can enroll or use your influence with them. While the seminar was on a different topic, I realized that in parenting children it works the same way.

You really cannot make your children do anything. If you depend on control and force to get your children to cooperate, you will quickly realize it is a losing proposition. It may work for a while until you children are too big to carry but what will you do when they are mobile, too big to pick up or can defy your direct order? What will you use then to encourage them to cooperate?

Authoritarian parenting is perhaps the way you were raised or find yourself using with your own children. And, you may have noticed that it isn't working for you. Children today don't resemble the "seen and not heard" children of a couple of generations ago. They know you cannot make them do anything even if you don't realize it yet.

When you parent as the authority you leave your child few choices. They can be intimidated and meekly comply or react passively by doing things that are not a direct confront but are misbehavior all the same. Things like finding your best tools left out in the rain or somehow forgetting to empty the trash. Or they may actively rebel so you find yourself in constant power struggles, that your child wins.

A controlling, authoritarian parenting style can result in children who feel they have very little freedom because the rules are strict and inflexible. They may even grow to fear their parents use of punishment and learn to behave well to avoid being punished or to gain a reward. As they get older, they lack the ability to think for themselves or learn from the consequences of their behavior because they have been taught to "follow the rules".

Times have changed, but parents still need effective ways to guide and influence their children. The methods to accomplish this have changed too. It requires readjusting from an authoritarian parenting style to a respectful democratic one. Not permissive in any sense but a more reliable, easier, practical way to stimulate the good behavior of your children and strategies to rectify it should that be necessary.

The only person you can make do anything is yourself. Armed with this knowledge you can find creative ways to encourage cooperation and good behavior in your children without force or fear of punishment. This approach to parenting is a skill that can be learned. With a little knowledge and practice, you can be effective in promoting good behavior and have a positive relationship with your children without punishing, hitting, grounding or yelling.

Because it is a skill, a parenting class is a useful way of learning how to become the parent of responsible, happy, cooperative children. Any skill that you want to be good at takes a coach and practice. Parenting Matters Online Parenting Classes can be the answer to the parenting problems you may be facing in your family. This may be exactly the right time to make a change for the better.