The world ..It wanted my reactions ..

Anger , sadness , love , hatred

The decision

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Idiot : - Mom , Finally , I found the one I want to get married to

His mom :- Well son who is it ..

Idiot :- Well mom .. Dont get upset . Its a guy !

What ? !! Guy .. Shock disbelief . Anger , frustration , Madness , Mayhem . All controlled by the love of a mother .

Idiots again :- Well Mom , The good news is ..Its some one you know . Its someone you love ..

Mom :- What . Have you gone crazy ?

.. she does nt speak ……….for a while

Me the Idiot ;- Well mom , You re not going to belive this .. Its going to sound so fantastic and unbelievable . The person I am going to marry .. is ..ME

I was the perfect match for me . I have been living with me since the moment I was born . I knew What I liked , What I loved , what I hated . I knew me like I knew the back of my hand . I was myself when I was with me ! It would be simply fantastic if I could marry myself .. It does nt even have to be ceremonious . No divorce too ..

Mom did nt react . No one would if they are sane . She just hung up . May be it was too much , what I did . But I was a man with a broken heart . Broken heart lets you get away with anything . Even this conversation . Somewhere from watching all those Telugu serials on TV mum must ve understood ..that I must have been sad ..Or drunk ..or ..be in another love failure !

Support and comfort

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“You are a F*****g narcist pig ”

That was my friend Syam . It was his reaction to what I thought about my marriage with … err…myself !

He thought I was thinking of myself too much , That I was this Ego centric resemblance of Narcissus . Narcissus was (Greek: Νάρκισσος) in Greek mythology was a hero from the territory of Thespiae in Boeotia who was renowned for his beauty. In the various stories he is exceptionally cruel, in that he disdains those who love him. As divine punishment he falls in love with a reflection in a pool, not realizing it was his own, and perishes there, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection.

Syam’s anger subdued half an hour later when he exhausted all the vulgar vocabulary he knew to insult me and general gay community(He thought I was the ultimate gay , as I was attracted to myself !!!) as well as Narscissus . He thought I was crazy and I needed treatment . I said I would give him a treat ..after my marriage with myself !

Syam had always been an emotional and angry friend of mine , He was equal to me in reacting .. In writing . In loving .. In wanting to travel with me . In wanting to quarrell with me . He always thought I would become someone successful , Or atleast fall in love with some really attractive or intelligent or girl or who is all this and wrote poetry . He had high hopes because he thought I …Thought ..intelligently . He thought I wrote and He thought I was a poet !

Silly syam , He was like a big brother to me . He stood by me ..by rain or storm . He stood by me when I had a Bajaj M80 and when I bought my first car . But he would compromise his love for his friend .. For a glass of wine and chilly fried chicken . That was exactly what I brought him , A chilled beer and chicken chilly sixty five !! He was silent and drunk .He thought I was too mad to reason with ! The night blessed and forgave me . I forgave him for offending my bride , my husband and the one I was going to get married to..which was myself !

Voice of sanity and sadness

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Machaa .. Athellam unnaale mudiyaathu . (that is impossible )

It was Siva Kumar . He was a friend of mine . A tamil , Staunch Atheist and master of all practical reason ,Initially he was my only Tamil friend , Only friend who was tamil , and capable of laughter and making you laugh for sane reasons . He did nt believe in god . Like me . He was by my side , In my bench , For the best part of three years I went to class in BSc . He was witness to my falling in love with every third and fourth girl I met , and some I had nt met too . He called me by name Gajini , for my unfailing attempts at girls after each of the miniscule love failures . Of all the people he atleast sincerely believed and trusted that I did indeed was in love ..Everytime it happened anew ! .. Infact it did honestly , truly , and madly deeply happened to me , I mean love ! Only when I sensed that I was nothing more than a distraction , worse a disturbance , with much heart aches and couple of sessions of boozing , I would infact forget ..them and love in general . I swore to myself that I would never love ..ever again . Until I met another one .

Macha ,First its impossible , Second you are such a person that you will not be capable of loving you .. It was Siva again . The voice of sanity in my life .

Macha .. and Just imagine , A person like you , Always running behind girls . Just think . Have any girl contacted you volantarily .. Till now ! ?

And yeah the reason ( I had one this time )

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Infact all my life . I have nt had a single girl ..completely crazy about me .. Or even loving me secretly ..or actively pursuing me . Or calling me , Or even look at me ( I was a bright sun ).. Not atleast the way I was madly pursuing ..feminity in general . Even the poetress in my life ..Even the one who wrote so beautifully and understood love ..and life .. Even she Had nt called me more than .. may be once or twice ..That too when I would have give numerous missed calls . Or may be when she could nt attend the calls for the sixteenth time in succession I would have called her . Yet I called .. Every day . Even when she was gone to another state .Even when S T D costed me about 136 rupees per call . It was as if there was absolutely no passion .. or love .I would send her love messages every day . Rather message of helpless state of mind . .. I loved her like a fanatic . It was just me .. My maniacal .. conversations . Did she infact love me …at all . She did accepted my messages ..and called me a poet . She did infact roamed a whole day with me , She saw two really hopeless movies with me … (chandini chawk to china !! Phew ) But it was nt love ..or romance ..or attraction . But I assumed . It might have to do with some strange attraction . Everything began with a small step .. Even the greatest of love affairs must have begun in some small ways . Progressed to a stage when they would be hopelessly entwined in their life .. But did she even found me attractive or acceptable .

The fatal Experiment

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As an experiment , I stopped calling .. her ..for a week . One whole week . stopped even pinging her . To my … relatively shocking surprise ..No sign of life from her too , Was she doing the same experiment that I was doing .. Was she infact testing to see if I loved her . No I said it everyday ..Directly and indirectly , SOmetimes very desperately , I told her in every single message I sent her .. Sometimes even in Blank messages , My forwards were only about love . I called and told her ..things about love . I had even kissed (in my imagination ) …

Then only I realised what an idiot i had been all this while .. Thinking my life’s quest for love had ended with her . Thats It I thought , I rather live with myself than someone else .

But was it possible . Was it something I was capable of doing .

I heard her name , Someone was calling her . There was no one around . May be it was just me . The whole world seemed to be the sound of her laughter . Her love . The flowers bloomed to see her smile . The hours , It grew my love into this overwhelming intoxication of feeling .

I knew at that moment , That I could cheat my mother , My best friend , My next best friend .. Even the newspapers and God too I can cheat …

I could nt cheat myself though .. I could nt cheat myself from the fact that I indeed did loved her . I loved her so much that .. it does nt matter if she did nt call ..Or that I had nt called her . It did nt matter that she was so busy that she would not even attend ..my attempts to have a conversation with her . All that indeed mattered was ..that I loved her . I hoped she would call one day . . . and Also hope that ..when that happens , I would still have ears capable of hearing and understanding that it was her !

Dedication …Lies ..and yeah disclaimers ! :)

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This blog is dedicated to the one very close friend of mine who would nt call me …or attend my calls for full one whole week . Seven days .. seven thousand millenium .. Seven deaths !! Seven cruxifications ..

And to Madhu .. Who came all the way from TCO .to see me in my lonely hours !

To Nitya ..WHo would nt teach me the difference between SLR and NOKIA cameras !

To all the readers who think this is real ! ? and that there is something real other than Madhu and Nitya ! Not even me is real in this story ! so … Chill and enjoy the time I got to confuse you …all ..again !

Oh yeah ..How could I forget ..CONGRATULATIONS CH1 … THE GREATEST HUB FOR BLOGGERS >>AND ROMANTIC SOULS …

Congratulations Destiny s child ! for being the number 1 and first year .. you really are the best !