At the age of 12 months, I entered my daughter in her first beauty pageant. Like any mother, I thought my little girl was the most beautiful baby in the world and I wanted to "show her off". Over the next two years, she competed in many pageants, where she either placed and/or won a special award (i.e. Personality Plus, Prettiest Eyes, etc). She was adorable and had the outgoing personality to match. My daughter and I had a wonderful time together because I always kept in the forefront of my mind that pageants were an activity for fun. I never intended for it to be a career path.

Other little girls weren't so fortunate. The more pageants we attended, the more frustrated parents I saw. The older my daughter got, the more competitive things got. I was amazed to see mothers putting make up on their toddlers' faces, lip gloss on their lips, and mascara on their eyes. I was appalled to hear how much money they spent on dresses, photo shoots, and modeling coaches. I was a single mom looking for a way to spend time with my daughter, but I learned that everyone else's motives weren't quite the same.

I, unlike many of the mothers, held my expectations at a level reasonable for toddlers. There were times she didn't want to walk on stage alone or she didn't want to take her pacifier out of her mouth. In those cases, I walked on stage with her and yes, there were times she walked on stage with her pacifier. She talked to the judges, pointed to her aunts in the audience, and danced to the music. Were those expected behaviors while on stage? Of course not, but those are expected behaviors for toddlers. I enjoyed the personality that God gave my daughter and celebrated it.

My daughter competed in her last pageant at the ripe old age of 3. That's when it really hit home that my philosophy was much different from other parents. As we all sat in the dressing room putting on dresses, socks, shoes and ensuring every strand of hair was in place, you could feel the intensity. When she was dressed, I felt eyes peering at me with disgust. One mother even asked, "You're done? You're not going to put any make up on her?" I informed her that I didn't believe in putting make up on babies. She gave a look of disdain and turned her head. The sweetest revenge came when my daughter was chosen as the winner of the Baby Face special award, which was based only on facial beauty. However sweet, I knew my time in pageants had come to an end.

Now that my daughter is 14, I look back over those two years of competition and smile. I learned so much about my daughter, her personality, and what she was capable of. She was, and still is, outgoing and friendly. She can handle herself appropriately in any arena she finds herself, whether it's with her peers, a room full of adults, or as a presenter at a school function. I firmly believe that the opportunities she had to appear before crowds at an early age, set the stage for her future. Most things in moderation, including pageants, can be positive experiences that prepare children for future endeavors. If the focus is to have fun while assisting your child develop confidence and a sense of self, pageants are a wonderful place to do that.

If you're looking to get your child involved, here are a few tips.

• When looking for pageants, do some research before entering your child. Browse their website and speak to a representative. Don't be afraid to ask as many questions as you need to feel comfortable. If there's a pageant in your area, attend and see how things are run. That will give you a good idea of whether you want your child to be a part of that pageant system.
• Initially, don't spend too much money on a dress, pictures, etc. I borrowed my daughter's first pageant dress from a friend. A few of her subsequent dresses were purchased at a regular store and I added sequence to it myself. Her first pageant pictures were taken in a local store's photography department and she won Most Photogenic a few times.
• I recommend entering the main category first. There will be many "optional" categories offered at an additional cost. Avoid the temptation to enter everything the first few times. After a few pageants, you'll have a better idea if this is something your child enjoys and you can proceed from there.
• Most importantly, always remember to keep the expectations for your child relevant to their age. You will frustrate yourself and your child if you expect too much and you won't have any fun.