How does this true-to-the-bone Roman Catholic end up in the middle of a second very bad and dangerous divorce process. It's because he tried too hard to save both of his marriages. Who am I talking about? myself!

Does it really pay to make amends or save a bad marriage or relationship? NO!

My first marriage lasted all but 18 years. We did everything together. I allowed her to stay at home and enjoy the life as a home executive. I later allowed her signing rights of my cheque book. All but three years were extremely happy. Then came the third man. As I continued to work harder by day she played while I was away.

The more I wored, the more I ignored her wants and complaints. The more I niglected her, the more she sought greener pastures. And then the inevitable happened. She found another man in her life to satisfy her. And no matter how much marriage counselling we attended, I could not win her back. The affair continued a whole three years and resulted in our divorce.

The first year she disappeared for one week. The second three and the last year she disappeared for ten months. The first time she ran away I found her and convinced her to return. The second time she approached a counsellor who was not willing to counsel without both parties being present. I allowed her to return. The third time I found her after ten months. I then travelled close on one thousand kilometers to fetch her. She was not willing to return. I had to accept that my marriage was over. I went home and played the waiting game. I received my decree two months later. Eighteen years is a life time.

I then concentrated on my business and made a success of it.

So how did I, after almost six years as a "batchelor", get remarried. Even though I was enjoying life being single it was a lonely way of life. An weekends were nightmares.

 I met a beautiful woman and started courting again. It shows how immature men can be when their soon-to-be spouse is a few months younger that he is.

It was a whirlwind affair and I found myself remmaried after just two months of courting. I never took the time to learn more about my spouse and was to soon wake up to the worst nightmare of my entire life. "My wings had been clipped"! I was remmarried. Now what?

The second marriage lasted four days short of my first wedding anniversary. To date I don't know where she is. I have tried in vain to find her but to no avail.

The first marriage I reconciled during the waiting period of the divorce. I shared with her and she with me and we decided that it would be better for us to part. I saw her point of view and am happy I settled for the divorce. We are both better off for it today. We are friends and talk to each other civally.

As for the second marriage? Only time will tell. I have another month to go to be free once again. I decided in the second marriage to call it quits from the start of the fighting and screaming. She thought that by moving out on me she would have the same results as my first wife did. She failed dismally in her surmise.

I learnt a lesson in my first marriage that should have lasted me a lifetime. However, the lessons I learnt was that it doesn't pay to try and save a marriage when the damage is already done.Accept it, deal with it and live with it. Try at least to save the friendship.