THE FOUR BASIC PARENTING STYLES

There are 4 basic parenting styles:

Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive & Indifferent

We are going to understand the differences in these 4 basic types of parenting styles and try to find which one of them leads to the most effective parenting skills.

Essentially, as parents, we need to do two things:

* control the behavior of the children, and at the same time,

* be supportive of their endeavours.

i.e.

* be demanding and

* be supportive

Being Demanding entails disciplining the child by supervision and includes confronting him if he disobeys. And being Supportive or Responsive entails fostering self-assertion, individuality and self-regulation in the child by being receptive to and supportive of the needs and demands of the child.

Starting from the least effective of the four basic parenting styles,

The Indifferent Parent does neither of the above.

He is neither Demanding nor Receptive. He neither tries to control the behavior of the child nor does he respond sympathetically to the efforts being made by the child in growing up. He is simply not bothered. This apathy is the least effective of the 4 basic parenting styles.

Then there are two contrasting parenting styles both of which are not that effective: the permissive parent on the one hand and the authoritarian parent on the other.

The Permissive Parenting Style

Here, the parent does not try to control the behavior of the child overmuch. But he is by and large responsive to the child's ventures, be it emotional or physical. You can easily reckon that the negative element in this permissive parenting style is the lack of effort from the parent in controlling the behavior of the child.

However, there are two ways in which this basic parenting style could be further subdivided. One kind would avoid any confrontation and allow the child to regulate themselves without any intervention. The parent would respond to the child but mostly to permit him to choose his own way. In short, a completely laissez faire attitude would put the ball squarely in the child's court.

Alternatively there is another category of parent who would not restrict the child too but would have more stake in the child's future and thus try to institute a democratic institution at home whereby although the child would be free to take his own decisions, there would necessarily be a dialogue with the family members thereby thrashing out the pros and cons of the decisions being taken. Here the parent takes a much more active interest in the child's life. The child is independent but hemmed in by a democratic value system which does him a world of good. But the lack of control inherent in this democratic parenting style could also be detrimental to the child's interest which is sought to be ameliorated in the next basic style of parenting albeit with a draconian tinge to it.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style

The very opposite of the Democratic Parenting Style, here the parent insists on taking all the decision on the child's behalf and brooks no opposition. This is a basic parenting style which demands a lot from the child and thrives on a directive principle: that the parent directs the child on most occasions and demands absolute compliance. Obedience is of paramount importance and orders are to be carried out without demur. It is akin to a military style of functioning. You are but to do and die. You are not to question why. From the earlier parameters, this style controls the behavior to the fullest but is not supportive of or responsive to the child. This style could stunt the mental growth of the child and lead to a dourness and lack of creativity in him and to that extent make him ineffectual in his life.

There is a milder version of this basic parenting style when the degree of authoritarianism is not so high. The child is assailed with a very structured environment with a well-sequenced series of rules that he needs to follow. But the parent is not so intrusive or draconian in approach. This is a regime of discipline without being menacing or hurting.

The Authoritative Parenting Style

This may be considered the best parenting style. Because this style is both responsive to the child as well as controls their behavior fully. This style stems from the fact that the child is yet not ready to take all his decisions himself and requires parental control. However, in order to see him grow into a responsible citizen, be socially cooperative, develop assertiveness in himself and become a self-monitored and well adjusted citizen of the world, it is important for the parent to be responsive to the child to foster independance and individuality in him and at the same time institute mechanisms to control his behavior as much as the parent deems fit under the circumstances.

It is important to note the difference between the authoritarian and the authoritative styles of parenting. Both lays much emphasis on controlling the behavior of the children. But whilethe authoritarian style does not admit of any warmth or supportiveness towards the child and insists on thrusting its own judgment, values and rules on the hapless children, the authoritative style of parenting admits the children's opinion, values them and lays much store on dialogue and dialectics: a free flow of information, opinions and analysis leading to the ability in the child to make correct decisions independantly.