Each day, millions of individuals wake to internal horrors.  They may feel like they are jumping out of their skin, like they must throw up for no good reason, anxious, fears about things which are not really there, etc.

This is a feeling which many have grown up with and had to learn how to deal with on a daily basis.  At times the feeling goes away but only to return later on.

This has been my life for as long as I can remember.  Since going to nursery school, I can recall being nervous to go as there were so many kids there.  Since my mother or father, who is familar to me, was not around, I had a difficult time adjusting and opening up fully.

I recall as far back as grammar school having terrible stomach pains when I was sitting in class.  I would think it was something I ate and would last until early afternoon.  I never had the pains in the morning before leaving for school but only after I arrived to school.  I was actually one of the more popular kids in school as well.  This was not a case that I was an outcast and could not fit in.  The other kids did not make fun of me or give me a hard time but would invite me over to their houses to play after school.  Regardless, each morning, my stomach would hurt tremendously to the point I would have to go to the nurses office often to calm down.

It was not known until many years later that these stomach pains were due to anxiety.

This same process continued throughout high school up until college.  In college I was now living over a thousand miles from home and my family.  The term, "Home is where you make it" did not exactly apply to me in this instance.  My school was my new home and I was not making it home for whatever reason.  I played baseball there, participated in many activities and had a group of classmates I would hang out with on a daily basis.  However each time I would call home I would have a difficult time hanging up. 

A few weeks into my freshman year, the anxiety got bad.  I would start each morning by throwing up in the toilet and bawling my eyes out in the shower.  I did not know why other than perhaps I was home sick but this was certainly more than being homesick.  Eventually my throwing up got bad as blood would come up with my dry heaves. 

There was one particular week I did not eat or drink for an entire week.  Looking back this was certainly alarming as I was playing baseball each day and I needed the fuel.

One evening another guy on the team took me to a local Italian place around the corner from the school and I began to eat again.

After my freshman year in college, I packed my bags for the summer with plans never to return.  In doing so I lost all scholarship money and perhaps my future as it was designed at that point. 

At home I was given a choice to either go to school or get a job.  I got 5 jobs. I began work framing up houses, working the psychic friends network, acting as Captain Morgan on the weekends to promote their product, pumping gas at Hess and delivering newspapers.  I was miserable yet at the same time could not stop the feelings which were racing through every inch of my body which were absolutely paralyzing.

Eventually I deciced to go back to school.  I reconnected with my school mates from my freshman year and got a place back on the baseball team.  I met a wonderful girl on my first day whom I would eventually marry.  Things were going great yet each morning I would still have a difficult time getting out of bed.  This was not because I was up too late and I was tired but I had pins and needles racing through every inch of my body and it was difficult to get moving.  I would still throw up a few times a week compoudning this symptom.

To this day I have difficulties being in rooms with large amount of people, public speaking, meeting new people and still dry heave most mornings each day.  I have difficulties sleeping many nights and have paranoia of fears which do not exist.   

I have been CEO of a large company, coached professional athletes and now coach high school student/ athletes, became a doctor, am a husband and father and now in the public eye as I become an elected official.

Living with this nightmare is not fun and I do not believe in drugs to alter ones mind in order to cope with difficulties as opposed to conquering them yourself.  What then do I do?  What then can anyone do?

No matter what religion you may find or beliefs you believe in, we are all connected to the prime source which is the underlying and interconnecting source which binds all things in the universe.  Some call this source God, others call it prime creator, universal source, etc.  It is up to each and every one of us to find our relationship with God and to become plugged in and connected.  Living in this time on earth we have many distractions and ways to become unplugged.  When plugged in and allow God to work through us, we can do no wrong.  It is when ego and other distractions unplug us. 

I am not perfect, I am human.  It becomes my problem when I become unplugged as life long anxiety takes over.  When I do become reconnected it does in fact go away 100% and the warmth and joy of being alive takes shape.  This is a far greater place to be and hopefully all can discover this place at some point in their lives on this earth.