You can be happy right now. It's not as hard as you think and the answer is closer then you imagined.You are the key to your own happiness. If you're single right now, and reading this, you may be lonely, or feeling left behind by the world. There are probably those moments in your day especially at night when it's quiet and the only company you have is your thoughts, where you find yourself asking when. When will I find someone, when will it be my turn? It's a common enough feeling, and perfectly natural. We are social creatures, and solitude is not something we enjoy for extended periods, no matter how hard or tough we think we are. We hunger for that instant confidence and self-esteem that comes from another's acceptance and most of all, love. When we are loved we feel validated and worth something. Love can give our lives meaning and purpose when there was none. However many of us waste our lives looking for something outside that comes from within.

Your Happiness Starts With You

How many of you have ever heard someone remark that their spouse or partner just doesn't make them happy anymore? How many of you have honestly felt that everything would be alright if you could just find that one person to make you happy? Let me tell you something that you may not like to hear. This kind of attitude will always leave you empty and miserable in the end. No one can make you happy. This is a fallacy that movies and novels have pushed on us from the invention of writing. The one, and only one person, that can guarantee your happiness is you. The only person that really knows what you want is you. The only person that truly knows what's best for you, is yourself. So why then do all of us spend so much of our time and energy giving this responsibility to others?

It's incredibly unfair to lay this burden on another and also tragically irresponsible. We do it though so that if, and when it all falls apart we can turn to our friends and counselors and tell them it wasn't our fault, we did our part. We do it because its easier to be the victim then the perpetrator. We do it because we are scared. If we were to take total responsibility for our lives and by default our happiness, if things went bad we could only blame ourselves. Then we would be forced to acknowledge our mistakes and shortcomings and if we were truly committed to happiness, to change. The only way we can change is to leave that comfort zone, to step outside of what we know and believe in more.

What your friends will rarely tell you though was that it was your fault all along. You sabotaged the relationships of your life one after the other. Because you were afraid of being hurt. You ruined the best things to come your way because you would rather be miserable and alone then have to step outside your self. You all know what I'm talking about, We all have those friends that wander from one lover to the next always complaining, never happy, never grateful. You may even be one of those people. Those people constantly searching for someone to make them happy.

It Starts Right Now With a Choice

If you really want to be happy then start right now by accepting that its up to you. It doesn't matter who you date or meet, you will determine your own level in happiness in life right here and now. Tell yourself in a clear and loud voice that has no doubt or fear that "I am in control of my life!" Go ahead, do it, I'll wait....Now do it again, don't worry about what they think, you're liberating yourself right here and now. Be free, break loose, let your soul become what it wants to be.

How did that feel, a little silly maybe? Did it feel like you were lying to yourself? Probably so, let me tell you why then, because up until this point in life you have been. You've been going around with blinders on and chains around your hands being told that you are powerless and weak. That you are inherently flawed and broken. You have been lied to, and have been lying to yourself. You my friend are the dominant force for change in your life. You were given that awesome responsibility from God the day you were breathed into existence. Why do you fight it, why do you doubt your potential and creative possibility? You are unhappy today because you don't understand that it's your job to make that happen. Time to wake up.

Let Go, and Relax

Now here's something funny, I'm going to tell you to take control of your life by telling you to let go. You have to let go my friend and stop trying to control everything. Ironic isn't it. Since the previous articles in this confidence series have been about dating I'm going to continue this along that format by sharing something a Pick up artist once told me. Now you may be uncomfortable with that label or intonation, and that's okay, but remember we're here to try something different. What we have been doing has not been working so we will step outside ourselves for a moment and simply observe another method. This is equally applicable to men or women so both should listen.

If you want to be happy, then the first thing you need to do is stop looking for it. That kind of neediness and desperation is broadcast easily in your posture, actions and attitude. It is a common thing seen in those who have a strong fear of being alone or single. You know who I'm talking about. They have to rush from one relationship to another. I was one of them, and if you are too, then the first thing you need to do, is stop. Relax for a moment and take a few weeks for yourself.

I know its hard and it hurts. I hate being alone in my bed at night, but you need to do this. How else will you really find out what you want and who you are until you can get sometime to yourself, free of distractions and outside influences. You will never be happy until you have some certainty about what you want in life and who you want to be.Accept being single and eventually you will no longer fear it but recognize that it is an opportunity for clearing out the bad experiences and moments and allowing yourself to approach the next relationship without baggage or predisposition.

People who look to others for happiness are like vampires thriving on attention. They need it and crave it, looking for the approval and acceptance of others. In their drive to be liked they will readily become someone else just to fit in, all the while appearing fake and shallow. Do you know why people are drawn to confidence? Because its comforting. The confident person who has taken responsibility for his own happiness can find joy wherever they go, and so bring happiness to others. There's no need to stroke their ego or play to their insecurities thus leaving those around them free to be themselves and coincidentally pursue their own happiness.

On the flip-side the confident person has become comfortable with them self and has no fear in being alone for a time, because they have learned to accept who they are and see all the good they possess and so like themselves. People that can't stand to be alone dislike themselves on a basic level and so seek to distract their minds from what they dislike. The only problem is, if you can't even stand your own company how will you expect others to?

Let go, and stop worrying about finding that next date or hook-up. This place you are, right now, where you're single is just temporary. You can accept it, and use it to better yourself and get to know who you are and learn to be happy with that or you can try to end this time as soon as possible and make sure you return to this state of being soon. Use this time friends to get your act together. Get in shape, travel, have fun, don't worry about finding someone to make you happy, find the happiness inside you and you will attract that person to you without trying. People will be drawn to your inner comfort and confidence. They will like being around you. Projecting happiness will draw more to you. After all no one wants to be around a depressed self absorbed whiner.

An example from my Life

I was once with a truly extraordinary woman just two years back. She was gorgeous and everything a man could want. Sweet, caring, and always a joy to be around. Never in a bad mood, always supportive, always delighted to be with me. She was both passionate and devoted and brought my heart to place I have never imagined and blew my mind on more then one occasion. I had repeatedly asked God for this exact woman, and here she had been given to me, but it wasn't enough. You see there was one thing standing in the way of my happiness, and that was me. She tried hard to make me happy, that's how she's been raised to do all she could to please her man. No matter what she did though I was miserable, because In the very center of who I was I hated myself and it was like a fire burning in a coal mine. On the surface you could see nothing, but over time the ground beneath was burned away until there was nothing left to hold the surface up. Needless to say we collapsed and to this day she could not understand why she wasn't enough and it caused intense emotional scarring.

Don't be that person that takes away so much from another. Make an effort to be happy today right now in yourself so that when you finally do attract that wonderful person to you, you won't have to worry about happiness, because you will already have it. Then both of you can focus on enjoying and appreciating each other. Do yourself a favor, decide to be happy right now, take a course on positive thinking, read up-lifting things. The peace of mind you will find from taking control of your life and working to build a positive environment within yourself will save you in the end, and allow you to face life's little bumps with confidence and composure.