Revenge according to the Little Oxford Dictionary "satisfy oneself by retaliation: avenge: : take vengeance: desire for vengeance: act that satisfies this: revengeful - eager for revenge: vindictive "

Now my husband definitely does not agree with me but I think that taking some small revenge is good. Not evil, maiming type revenge - just a little something to show that you are not going to take the other person's crap lying down. A sweet petite little something to give one satisfaction and a bit of a laugh later..... To be honest I enjoy making the odd little retributional plan, thinking up the strategy, cogitating on possible outcomes; this part is absolutely much more fun than actually putting a plan into action. So whilst I have never taken it quite the distance others have - I guess it is the darker aspect of our human nature that lurks inside us which invites, beckons and positively enjoys when another participates in the receipt of their just desserts. But for me maybe it is the quid pro quo thing going on that retards my action. Or the karmic revenge - put it out there and surely it will come back to personally bite you. Or even the experiential knowledge that we eventually gain in our maturity; where it eventually dawns on us that we don't actually have to take matters into our hands as invariably, what goes around will come around to finally land with a vengeance at the doorstop of that "special" person. The one who we feel needs to be made accountable for their actions. It's that "You'll Get Yours Alice" factor that comes into play. When, what and where can become irrelevant. Knowledge can be power!

It is said that revenge is a meal best eaten cold....I guess this means that it is probably better to wait to take action, so that the evil bone of discontent cannot be pointed back to you as the perpetrator or brains trust behind the plot. But to take that thought further, I think that some of these revenge stories I am about to share were hatched by more than one person over a convivial drink or two at someone's local!

Revenge of a personal nature can really cut to the quick and this is a story that occurred some years ago in Sydney to a youngish, executive couple who lived in a gorgeous apartment with a bedroom that overlooked Sydney Harbour . Seems that the husband got wind that his beautiful wife,- she with the expensive shoe fetish, had been a trifle generous with her affections to another. Upshot he threw the left shoe of every pair she owned out the window into the water below.

Same setting - same scenario but this time it was the husband who was unfaithful and his wife retaliated by going into his dressing room and cutting off the inside leg of every pair of trousers he owned. She carefully folded the trousers back onto the coat hangars and left home. Imagine his face as he was dressing for work and literally couldn't find a thing to wear!

Patient revenge happens when the perpetrator waits to mete out his peculiar form of justice long after the event has passed. When my husband was working in Melbourne he heard these two stories about some chaps who just wouldn't/couldn't pay their bills to a disgruntled local builder; accounts that were apparently quite large. Now the first fellow had been approached many times for payment and it had reached the stage of going through the local courts so costing our builder friend even more money. And the funny thing was that, despite his inability to pay, the debtor managed to live in a beautiful house in the best suburb, educate his children at private school, and support a trophy wife who naturally wore the best clothes - the usual. So in effect after two years of waiting to be paid all the builder had was more promises of yet more grief. Enough.

Now it became known where he (as in the non-compliant bill payer) imbibed, where his favourite watering hole was, so one dark and shady night our builder friend went there and securely tied - indeed anchored - the whole undershaft of the chap's Mercedes to the fire hydrant outside the pub. After making an urgent phone call to the pub saying that the chap's house was on fire and that he needed to get home NOW! our friend waited outside as the man rushed out , jumped into his car and drove away leaving the car's underbody at the kerb.

Same builder, same problem, different chap who also owned a brand new Mercedes. Again our builder patiently waited a couple of years until the fellow who owed the money, felt as if his indebtness had faded into the past, most carelessly left his car parked outside the front of his house. Chap came out in the morning to find he could not get into his car as all the locks had been jammed up with broken nail files that had been glued in for added security. Additionally all windows were sporting large bricks hot glued on. Break your heart really.

What about the old chestnut - new wife/old wife. Divorce settlement awards beautifully designed house to old husband and new wife. Old wife has put her all into the building of this house, designed it right down to the last screw. Terribly upset she is eating her last meal of prawns and rice in HER house as she does her final pack to move out to a lesser house when it hits her. Prawn shells in the curtain hems. She moves out and they move in. Summer hits and not long after, the most appalling smell wafts through the house. "You must have built on a bad drain" new wife suggests snippily to the husband. They try everything to remove the smell and nothing works. Eventually they sell and move to another house. The old wife was so happy to hear from mutual friends that they had taken everything not nailed down with them - including the curtains. Now that is evil!

I have heard a story about a woman who it seems was thoroughly disliked by the people who were unfortunate to have to work to her. As I heard it she was unpleasant in the extreme and used everybody and everyone to further her cause whilst really not having the underlying knowledge to underpin her position. Overpaid and here! Sad really . However it seems - and so the story goes - that a couple of people, unsure as to whether they were her neighbours or work colleagues, decided they had had enough of her bullying practices and they visited her house in the dead of night to write with weedkiller and in very large letters across her front lawn "F..K YOU" and then the next Spring after the newly sown replacement grass had re-grown, did it again. No hiding that from the neighbours.

Same woman - but this time it was a costly new, steep, uphill drive strip going in - seems while the new concrete (or whatever was used) was setting overnight - a large amount of sump oil was poured in. The effect of which would be that the oil would rise to the top whenever it rained thereby giving this drive way the qualities of a skating rink..... could be a trifle dangerous backing down and out onto the road. Overkill do you think? I wonder if she has moved?

So finally in the interests of reaching a satisfactiory conclusion I can only say that good things come to those who wait but that in the meantime please don't let the turkeys get you down!

copyright: a.a.gallagher. 2009