Being A Woman
82Puberty, what a shame...
Until recently women were taught that anything having to do with their bodies was dirty. Oh, maybe they weren't told so specifically, though some have been. Women have been conditioned to believe that their bodily functions are shameful or embarrassing.
Sadly, it happens still today, though very subtly. First, girls are brought up taught (perhaps subliminally) not to talk to their fathers about their periods, or sex. This tells them, subconsciously, that it's not ok to talk to men about such things... ergo embarrassing or shameful.
Sometimes mothers are even too embarrassed to talk to their daughters about sex or their periods. For example, I was friends with a girl in middle school whose mother had never told her about her period, puberty, or what to expect.
A classic story, she got her first period during Gym class. She had felt the cramps all morning, but wrote them off as normal muscle cramps. When she discovered the flow of blood, she freaked out, screamed, cried, and thought she was going to die. A touch dramatic, maybe, but aren't we all at the onset of puberty?
This girl could have been spared these feelings of humiliation, embarrassment, shame, fear, and so on, by some simple words from her mother. So why did her mother fail her? She was embarrassed to talk about it, and couldn't find the time, or the right approach, etc.
Are feminine bodily functions a thing to be kept in the dark, only to be whispered about by young girls with a half-baked idea of what they talk about? A thing to be avoided by mother until it's too late? A thing to be shunned by fathers?
In my opinion, there is nothing dirty or shameful about being a women, or any of the functions your body performs to make you one. Girls should be better informed from the start. A tiny bit of knowledge can be more damaging than none at all, sometimes. Mothers should not teach their girls by example that becoming a women, being a woman, is something to be embarrassed about. Men should be able to look at their daughters and say "honey, you're a young woman now, I bought you some menstrual pads today, and I want you to carry two with you at all times until you start your period. A real man wouldn't be afraid.
Beware the Ads
The media is one of the worst culprits of this ongoing transgression. Again, usually the message is a subtle one, but in some cases there is a very obvious massage.
An example of how ads for women's hygiene products are geared to make women feel shame are in most tampon or sanitary napkin ads. These ads usually show a beautiful woman jogging, or sunbathing. They then tell us all about their new scented product to hide those 'unwanted smells', or about the moist wipe that comes attached to each individual pad to 'make you feel clean and fresh'.
First of all, it is extremely unlikely anyone will smell your menstrual blood through all of your clothes, plus a pad or tampon. Secondly, if changed at common-sense intervals, menstrual blood on a pad doesn't make you 'unclean'.
Many subtle words are used to make women feel smelly, unclean, and embarrassed about themselves. This is how the companies make their money. First they make you feel bad about being a woman, then they offer you wonderful way to fix all of nature's mistakes.
Let me say again now, there is nothing shameful or dirty about being a woman. You do not smell horrific when menstruating, as long as you shower or bathe periodically.
Another good example are ads for a woman's douche. What? none come to mind? What does that say to you? That the topic of douching is still so taboo, even in this day of knowledge and feminism, that it can't even be advertised for. "Wow, even the unscrupulous scoundrels at the ad companies won't talk about this, it must be bad..."
This, of course, gets back to my point on how a little knowledge can be worse than none at all. Many girls, women of all ages, in fact, make a regular habit of douching. Some do it once a week, some every other day. Let me say now that that is a Bad Idea.
The vaginal passages is full of good bacteria your body needs to cleanse itself. That's right, ladies, you heard me. Your body has a natural cleaning system... sort of like that self cleaning over we all want. Vaginal discharge isn't there just for entertainment. Your doctor will tell you, heck, the boxes tell you, that douching isn't recommended unless your doctor tells you to. Douching too often can be dangerous, but women are too embarrassed to ask even their doctors.
The media is giving us the short end, ladies, so beware. Fight back. the best way to do this is with knowledge... never be too embarassed or ashamed to ask about your body. It's your only one, keep it healthy and safe.
Breasts aren't just Sexy or Shameful
Seeing a baby breastfeeding
Does seeing someone breastfeed a baby embarass you? Why or why not?
See results without votingBreasts: Business or Pleasure?
Why do you suppose it is that almost the only times a person sees a naked breast is as a sex object? Once again, childhood conditioning isn't going so well.
Children are taught at an early age that a person's "private parts" are to be respected, and never looked at. Wow, wonder where all that shame and embarrassment comes from. They are then systematically exposed to breasts through movies with 'mild sexual content', dad's 'dirty magazines' hidden under the mattress, and even through women's magazines that show alluring women on the covers. Attractive women in beautiful clothing, with unblemished skin and full, curving breasts only partly covered by whatever dress they happen to be wearing. Think I'm wrong? check out your Sears catalogue.
Because generations of real women, mothers, sisters, aunts etc have been hiding themselves, very rarely does a child see a breast as anything but a sexual object. Today, in some towns, allowing your child to see you dressing or coming from the shower naked can be considered sexual abuse. At the least it's oh-so frowned upon.
Very rarely will a little boy or girl see mommy, or auntie, or anyone, breastfeeding a baby. It's a thing to be 'kept private'.
Women wonder why men continually treat them as sex objects only. Well, I have to say, ladies, we've done it to ourselves. I have children, do you? Has your son or daughter watched you breast feeding the baby? When your little one reaches down your shirt and asks you about your breasts, do you push them away and laugh, embarrassed? Or do you take the time to explain that breasts are there to feed a baby?
Breasts and menstruation are taboo because we have made them so. Women sweep the natural functions of life under the proverbial rug, and glam up whatever we have left.
Knowledge is Power
Knowledge is power. Such is true for any topic, why not this one? These recent years have seen a slow improvement on women talking freely, but there is still so much wrong.
Women, I can only say that I hope you take some of this to heart, and pay close attention to what you teach your children. Don't be afraid to talk to your kids about the changes their bodies go through, because it is what sustains life. Don't teach them that they should be ashamed, and for goodness sake, stop being afraid to admit that you're women.
Men, I can only think to say that you should grow up, and stop being afraid. No giggling, groaning, or running when a women says the word 'tampon'. Single dads, you especially. If you're nervous or embarrassed about talking to your children, arm yourself with knowledge... look things up... let your kids ask questions, and look up the answers together. Never, Ever avoid the topic. Your 12 yr old girl probably won't be brave enough to approach the topic if you aren't. Pay attention to what you teach them.
I hope my random rant reaches someone, and that some girl somewhere is less afraid, or some mom is less embarassed. Perhaps, even, some dad will finally become a whole man in not feeling uncomfortable about the very functions of a woman that makes her his mate.
Sincerely,
-Calliope Jones
Some Answers?
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The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library)
Price: $5.35
List Price: $9.95 |
|
American Medical Association Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen
Price: $6.15
List Price: $14.95 |
|
Puberty Survival Guide for Girls
Price: $6.70
List Price: $9.94 |
|
Sex Education: Pesky Puberty DVD
Price: $14.90
List Price: $14.95 |
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Comments
I love your hub! It really is hard being a woman specially in a country like India where laws are made only for women.. awarness is definately the way to go...
Cheers
~Nikita~
Hi, I do agree with what you say. It seems to be a common case the world over with no exceptions. I've written a hub myself a while ago, on a topic along simlar lines, on dealing with menstruation and menopause
http://hubpages.com/hub/What-does-it-mean-to-be-a-
seems it is up to each one of us women to make the change come about!
I don't like it . you are not a woman.you have a child.Please remember it. In later stages,your child become a hubber. so, please remember it.Atlast, your not a good woman to your husband.
You are right, I agree that the outlook must change, atleast in the present generation.
It will be much more helpful if mothers or some woman close to a young girl talk with the girl about her period, etc. I was told absolutely nothing about a period and thought I was going to die when I had my first one too. Odd how women don't think to tell the girls in their families these things.
Great hub!
Dee Hubbing It Up!
I love Long Walk Up
Really informative..thanks for sharing
What a great write!
You summed it all up for all of us. Though I could not breastfeed due to birth related complications, I had totally planned on it for the health of my baby and our relationship. She is now 15 and though I wish that I was able to have that experience, I know how hard it would have been to gain acceptance from the world at large! Thank you for this terrific Hub! It was most enjoyable.
I once believed that western countries, like you are liberated in terms of sexuality and gender, but I am dead wrong! Indeed, most men and women all over the world are conditioned to be ashamed of their bodies.Why? because we see our bodies as sex objects not a body created by God which must be respected and love.
I breastfed my daughter until she was 3 years old. She is now 9. Wherever I went, she was with me, because she needed me as a source of her sustenance. I was never ashamed because it was a natural thing for a mother to do.
Although many western cultures are adept at dealing with mentstruation and other pubescent issues involving young girls the US is not one of them.
This country is still very repressed in many ways and perhaps even moving backwards in many ways. The religious fundemantalism that is gripping our society is productive to the progress of a young woman's health.
I agree that we need to be more open on certain situations, such as dicussing changes in our bodies with our daughters. I think on one hand we need to be more open to discuss these issues right along with other issues, but I think we also need to teach respect along with not be shameful. It's one thing to except something as natural as breastfeed, but it's another to let everything hang out there too.
You're right! Knowledge is power and men and women should both avail themselve of the most current information concerning the function and physiology of the female anatomy.
Women's bodies shouldn't be such a taboo subject. God made us beautiful and made our bodies to function the way they do for a purpose.
Thank you for writing such an informed hub :)
And to answer your question:
No breastfeeding doesn't make my uncomfortable because it's the most natural thing in the world.
I completely agree. I am breastfeeding my son and most of my fellow moms are just in shock that I am. They say they are uncomfortable with the idea of a "baby sucking on their nipple" (just like that....). The media has just broken our bodies down into a product to be had. Breasts are for men to look at, fondle, etc. This is only part of it! It astonishes me that, aside from carrying and birthing a nine lb. child, my body has the ability to produce and provide my son with all the nutrients he needs to be healthy and happy (he is 6 months old and the size of a 1 year old! healthy!).
Thanks so much for saying what so many of us are too afraid to say
Hub publishing best information litrature
I agree that breastfeeding is not only important to the health of the child, but I think there is a special connection between mother and child as well. I have no qualms about my wife breastfeeding in public - Although I do suggest covering up; not due to embarrassment, but to harsh weather and pervs. There have been a couple of ocassions where I have had to have a "chat" with an ogler.
Does that mean all bodily functions are fair topics of everyday conversation - like defecation, testicles, or perhaps masturbation? They are all normal bodily parts and functions.
Perhaps we should still advocate a little discretion in picking the context in which to discuss these normal bodily functions, lest we open the door to public farting and belching. How about nose picking?
I agree that there is a problem that must be addressed with eleminating the taboos at the root of this article's point, but there should still remain a certain degree of polite discretion.
I've cleaned public restrooms, and had to remove bloody pads that were stuck to the wall by the adhesive backing. I am glad that those ladies were proud of their menstrual by-products, but really - isn't there a point where it gets a little too "in your face"?
The best article on woman ....especially in India where woman till date are talking behind the screens about their periods...wrapping up napikns from the grocerry store in newspapper..the worst part is we DON'T ask them to wrap it and I can't figure out where they get the logic from....
I was lucky to get a mom who shares almost everything with me..I do agree with Rick on 'Polite discretion' but the ultimate point is being 'THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF BEING A WOMEN!!!!'
Hats off to your hub....
i think you bring up some great points, especially about the media. there are many aspects that bring about the circumstances women face in womanhood situations that arent viewed correctly-as you pointed out. i happen to be a guy but now i see how hard it can be for women. i appreciate the time spent to send out this message and i support you whole-heartedly!
This is good... I personally have recently began wondering why it is that men seem so free about their own body image, as for we as women we believe that we should be covered up at all times, and if we are not then we are then deemed as sluts or whores. I mean, if you think about it... Most women are probably uncomfortable having sexual relations with a man, but men never seem uncomfortable in the least bit unless they are inexperienced, but they are not ashamed of their bodies or the functions of the male gender. But women were not informed enough growing up to know that this is a natural thing. I know that when I lost my verginity, my first thought was "Oh my God, if my mom finds out she's going to kill me!" Just thinking of the fact that the boy I had sexual relations with saw and touched my naked body embarrassed me, because like you said, we as women are braught up to feel ashamed of our bodies and the different functions of a woman. This story definitely is motivational to me to be more open to my future children when I become a mother, great job!
i agree, breastfeed is a natural thing, nothing to be ashame of. Woman should be proud of it.
OK, I will be honest the picture caught my attention and I was intrigued by the question. Why? Because like many in America i didn't know how to answer. And everything you said was dead on and better than I ever could have put it. Comming from a family who loved me tremendously this would be the area that I feel I was very much left behind in. I read everything I can to help me make good choices on how I approach the situation with my daughter wanting it to be better than mine.
You are absoluetly correct that it continues throughout life and I can tell you from personal experience that it has lasting effects not just when you are young but as women get older as well. Possibly even more profoundly since the birth of my daughter. While I did breast feed, my husband has seen a dramatic decrease because of the "dirty" connotation I was giving reguarding sex or intamacy growing up.
I do agree that there is a time and place and while I am proud to be a woman no there is no reason to place a used pad on the wall. That is just rude and has nothing to do with the question at hand. The reality is that the world is changing and while some of those changes are not for the best (in my opinion) the fact is they are changing. If I can't address my own issues my daughter will never have a chance and that is unfair for her.
Wonderful hub and thankyou for sheding a little more light on the subject for me!
This is a wonderful hub. Thanks for sharing.
Jen
Agreed, very much agreed.
But bear in mind that in some countries (ie. most of Europe) a much more healthy approach to sex and the body are adopted, and thus passed down to younger generations.
Puritanical thinking is the problem.
Great hub. Love your passion!
I agree... Our bodies are out temples and we should not be ashame of them. Further more when we are in a meaningful relationship with a guy; you should feel comfortable having girl conversations with him. I wish my fiance was more open to them.
The world is a big place and a few women who feel the way you do will not change the way that men think. I think that it is natural to breast feed, but to suppose you will change the way everyone looks at it is folly. The fact that hollywood and magazines make something else of it, I'm affraid you won't be able to compete.
Thanks for sharing. I am not sure that I agree with the disrobing and presenting when pictures in a medical book could suffice, but there is a taboo on women's maturation; if you would like another look consider the women that are senior citizens wearing Depends diaper pants. The world is non-accepting of its self. Please visit my hubs on anger anger101 for my point of view on anger.
Ladies ladies,
It is not about being ashamed of the body. It is not about public breast feeding. It is about dignity. My Mama would be over a hundred years old if she were alive today. I'm number twelve of the four boys and eight girls. Mama and other ladies breast fed all their babies. In church or wherever they were. They were just discrete about it. People tend to take up the Hollywood image of hanging it all out and if you don't there is something wrong. Contrary to the thought of this is that women had pride in their bodies. The mystery was the sexy thing. Women did not hide their bodies because they were ashamed of it but because they felt the mystery of "leaving it to the imagination" was more powerful than what men actually seen. Women knew the mystery was more sexual than the actual seeing. Today women wear low cut necklines, tight pants, and body parts hanging out all over the place. But they also wear tight spandex panties, under wire push-up bras, and hose. Why? To make you look sexier than you are. Back in the day it was tight girdles, corsets, and hair piled high on the head, (held stiff with sugar water), and white faces. What did this say to a man back then? I small, I don't have to work in the sun, and my hair has the riches of sugar water in it. There was once a time in the 1800's that a woman with a big belly was consider very sexy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes being a woman is sexier with the mystery.
Here in the US - shame is called profit. As long as women believe they are defective they will buy - breastfeeding which not only serves to create a strong immune system, is also a means of birth control. But American women were taught to bottle feed - and certain plastic bottles have been recalled (again) because they are made with toxins. So risk the health of our babies - for profit.
Let's add menopause to this equation - here it is treated as a disease and women were on all sorts of hormone drugs - which were later recalled - of course. The pharmaceuticals made billions$ - and now the product can be recalled and women are left with the consequences.
There should be nothing mysterious about breastfeeding - it is normal and natural and healthy.
I'm just amazed that here in the US we do not see the direct link to weak immune systems - and all the diseases we are subject to. They can be easily avoided with breast milk - but that is not profitable. Sad.
Thanks for putting this out there. This is what we have to do - just do it! Not ask for permission.
In an effort to not be bogglingly redundant: I agree and excellent hub!
Thanks!
Really you only have part of the issue correct. Women in Europe do not have these issues as the human body is totally viewed differently there. This is mainly a US thing.
It is a touch balance between decency and respect for the others around you and the fact there is nothing to be ashamed of in yourself.
I believe that as women in our puberty stage is a routine and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
What a shame is personal perceptions men and women have their own shamefulness, we only think that way because we have some expection to ourself. The way we look at others is the result of what we look at ourselves.
Hope we learn from ourselves that the next generation will not like us.
Great hubs.
Thank you
What's up brothers ?
I love your hub! yeah,it really is a hard being a woman specially in a country where laws are made only for men...CHeer up!my friend.
it is very hard being a woman in this world
I've been a woman in this world long enough to have a grown daughter of my own; and I have to say that I've never felt the world is particularly sending messages about women being dirty. (Yes, in some cultures that goes; and yes, there is a whole lot misogyny in the world - but this Hub is actually one of the most "dramatic" messages about "dirty" that I've seen in my life).
I'm not "a religious freak", but I don't think there's anything terrible about people (men and women) being a little discreet about a few things related to body functions or "private parts". Discretion doesn't mean someone feels dirty about what s/he's keeping discrete about. It just means believing that people don't necessarily think that "private" things should be turned into being as public as, say, what car we drive or what color our houses are.
Many people believe that there are some reasonable boundaries between, say, fathers and daughters. Again, it isn't about being dirty - just about having a healthy boundary about how much "intimate-related talk" will go on between them.
I don't necessarily see ads for feminine products as "sending the message" we're all dirty. Instead, I think these companies respond to what women tend to like - which is often a product in a pretty package with a pretty scent, which is kind of nice way to package an otherwise pretty dreary product.
Breastfeeding is a perfectly natural funtion of the female body and women shouldn't have anything to be ashamed about, but i would sugest to women that they should cover up because of the perverts out there.
Well, I am certainly glad to see that this topic has evoked a plethora of responses. Brava.
I would like to assure everyone that I myself agree that a womans body and the functions within shouldn't be force-fed to anyone, especially not a bathroom stall /shudder. That just smacks of tastelessness.
The use of the word 'discretion', while a good word, is an interpretation of the relativity of ones thought, in my humble opinion. What may have been discreet to my grandmother may be smothering to my mother, tasteful to me, and laughable to my niece.
On that note I would say that it comes down to a combination of self-respect, which should not be dictated by anyone but yourself, and courtesy. I will not walk into someone's house naked and bleeding freely, but neither will I be afraid to breastfeed in my own home, or in a public area.
Respect yourselves, love yourselves, and be damn proud that you're women.
-CJ
Scott Mandrake says:
12 months ago
Though the theme of my hubs are yet to become obvious, I do focus quite a bit on the various stigmatic approaches to society we humans take everyday. I guess you beat me to this one :)
Scott