Being Hearing Impaired in a Noisy World
77
The Journey Begins
When a kind school teacher sent a note to my Mother requesting that my hearing be tested as she detected that I was having trouble understanding what was being said in her class, I wasn't too happy. See, I was a skinny 13 year old, who was very interested in getting the attention of boys just like the popular girls in my junior high and the idea of going to a hearing specialist didn't sound promising to me.
Flashback to 2 years earlier, when the school would conduct routine hearing and eye exams in the cafeteria, I would watch the timing of the hearing tests, when the beeps would go on, and the students would raise their hands, and when my turn came for the test, I would pretend to hear the beeps and raise my hand, so I fooled the testers and passed my hearing test. My hearing loss was mild so it wasn't very detectable; I was already fluent in two languages, spoke normally, and could hear most of the time, but by the time I was 13, I couldn't fool the teachers or the audiologist in a clinic. So, after many medical exams and hearing tests, it was official, I was hearing impaired and needed to wear a hearing aid. I often remember my thoughts more so than events, (I can remember thinking as far back as when I was 3 years old) and when Mother told me I had to wear a hearing aid, I remember thinking "this is it, I am hearing impaired, my life will never be the same". Within the space of a few days, I changed from being rather sociable to an introvert; didn't want people visiting us, or to meet new people or go anywhere where communication with strangers was required. School was torture for me, as the children in the class would laugh when I couldn't hear or respond with an answer that had nothing to do with the question in class.
Exploring the Spiritual Side of Life
I turned at age 14 to spirituality and continued this throughout my teen years; I devoured books from the library about the paranormal, angels, our purpose on Earth, fortune telling, anything with metaphysical leanings. I remember, the librarian's quizzical expression on her face as I was yet checking out another book with metaphysical topics, she probably thought I was possessed. :) Also read books on positive thinking and healing, and developed a love for psychology, which was my major in college; It was my way of coping with a hearing loss, as a physical challenge affects our overall emotional state. In the 70's physical disabilities, were not as understood as they are nowadays, most would equate being deaf or hearing impaired as being "dumb". Fortunately, I never had problems with my intelligence, as a matter of fact while being tested for my hearing, I was also given a psychological evaluation and an IQ test which I passed with a high score.
From age 13-19, I suffered from depression, wanted to die and often thought of suicide, but never attempted it. After reading my spiritual escapes, I remember praying for about a year for a healing to take place and did visualizations so I would wake up hearing, only to be disappointed that I would wake still hearing impaired. On the day before my 20th birthday, I prayed yet again for healing to take place, for my hearing to be restored, and on the next day, I woke up thinking, "this is it. this is my life. I must accept my hearing disability and live my life fully". A healing had taken place, I surrendered to having a disability and the depression left me. Never again,did I suffer from depression, except on occasions as when a relationship didn't work out, I lost a job, or experienced the loss of a loved one, but that's sadness, no the deep depression I experienced in my teens.
Plunged into a Deeper Deafness
When I had a full time job in my 20's, I moved out to my own apt, and became very career motivated in the bank I worked in, and did well, but never at the level I knew I was capable of achieving. There was the limitation of my inability to use the telephone, as this was the times before the advent of the Internet and emails, reason why I could not accept jobs as a private banker which is where the money and real career advancement was, but worked behind the scenes as a supervisor and writer of boring banking procedures manuals. But, alas, when I turned 33, three days after my birthday, due to extreme pressure at work, I had a vertigo spell, something I had not experienced before, and lost 20 decibels more of hearing in my good ear while at work. A membrane burst in my ear and destroyed hair cells crucial to hearing. This plunged me into a deeper level of deafness. My thought was "now what? is my life going to change?" But after shedding a few tears, I asked the doctors at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota for a note to take 3 weeks off from work, so I could adjust to my new deafness before returning to work. Three months later, I asked management to give me 2 weeks vacation time, and off I went traveling alone to San Francisco and Mexico, much to the dismay of my family, friends and co-workers, as everyone was concerned I wouldn't be able to handle myself alone in a noisy world, but none dared to say anything to me as everyone knew how determined I could be; I found this out when I returned home. I HAD to do this, as I didn't want to lose my independence, as I felt myself retreating to the fears I had as a teenager. The trip was wonderful, didn't have problems communicating or finding my way.
Face to Face with God?
Now that I am a baby boomer, living with my soulmate, working from home, and engaging in creative projects while living a very peaceful and loving life, I look back at my life, and think if I came face to face with God and He asked me, if you could do it over again, would you have wanted to hear normally, and my answer is "no". I feel that everything in life shapes us, not just the challenges of a body or senses, but the love we have won or lost, the tears, the joys, the moments where our trust may have been betrayed. Through a hearing disability, I became more compassionate, perhaps kinder and very attuned with my sixth sense to the world around me; it gave me ( I think) depth and a very good psychological awareness of others. However, now that I am at a stage in life, where if I set goals, it is for my spiritual awareness and personal empowerment and fun, as I am not at the focus of my younger years which was to "prove" something to myself and to others, and if God asked me, do you want to hear now, I would say "yes", because I would love to hear the songs of a bird, the wind blowing, the tones of music I lost the ability to hear at age 33, and be able to converse freely with every human in the planet, should I wish to. It would add a new dimension to my life experience, a joyful one, and one of discovery.
Still You
Some may wonder what it must be like to be disabled, though I don't consider myself "disabled" in the way society would see me, as I have lived a normal life and have good physical health, but when seeing a person in a wheelchair, or someone with cerebral palsy as an example, just think of yourself in that chair for a brief moment, it would still be you, except you cannot walk and have to deal with a different set of challenges, but its still you, with your dreams and fears, and your life choices.
I remember reading about Christopher Reeve, who after waking up from his horseback accident, and finding himself now a quadriplegic, wanted to die so he would not be a burden to his wife and son; his wife Dana, said, " I still love you no matter what. You are still you."
How right on, she was!
Helen Keller
A childhood fever left Helen Keller deaf and blind; she went on to live a remarkable life and was the first deaf and blind woman to graduate from college.
To read more:
" I seldom think of my limitations, and they never make me sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers."
Helen Keller
Comments
Ashwinspga: Oh, my goodness, that was indeed a traumatic experience. I am sorry you experienced this!
:( I always say parents do the best they can at whatever level of conciousness they are, and you seem from your writings and comments in various hubs, to be a fine, sensitive human being. Thank you for visiting and your comments.
Don't worry Ms Violet. After that incident my parents were declared unfit to take care of a child and i grew up in a welfare home. Turned out fine didn't i?. God is Great. There is always a silver lining if we look hard enough. Thank you so much :=)
So true, ashwinspaga! I love your energy. :)
This is really a good hub, experience/s put here with right perspective and with a proper balanced wording... I think you are able to touch the reader's heart with compassionate, not with pity and this is your characteristic achievement... as a spiritual person!
Thanks Violate to put me in a real state of spiritual understanding by this hub!
Hi, healwell: Good to see you here. :) I am glad you were able to recieve my message with an open and understanding heart.
What an honest and moving hub! Thank you for sharing this. So much of your story reminded me of my own, although the details are different. I was drawn to the paranormal as an adolescent, and also had to overcome misfortune and hardship in my youth, and also ended up working for a bank. (We won't go into that! LOL!) I am so glad that you did find peace in your life and that you are happy and with a great guy. All the best to you!
Thank you for this open and honest hub. I am on a church committee, and the minister is deaf. This gives her 1 advantage - she can lipread. It also means that we have a very strict rule at committee meetings - only 1 person can speak at a time, with no cutting acr5oss. This means they are the best-run meetings that I attend. Hope that your world is peopled with people who can not only toleratoe but see the advantages in your abilities.
Hi, Pam: I thought more or less the same thing a few weeks ago, that you and I have a lot in common; maybe the challenges were different, but there are similiarties such as your working in a bank even if we have a psychology background, and your meeting your mate online which I did also, he even has a beard like my Phil. LOL! Thanks for your support! :)
2patricias: Nice to hear that your ministers' hearing challenge has actually added to the way the meetings are handled. I have been fortunate that my world is peopled with folks who don't even notice I have a hearing problem. I think its also a matter of attitude, one has to meet the other person halfway, meaning I am comfortable with myself, understand its really me with the hearing problem, so I cooperate in making communication easier.
Thanks for your comments!
Thank you for writing such a revealing post. You are truly an inspiration. The only setbacks we face are the ones we put in front of us.
Thank you, Christina for reading! I so agree with your comments on overcoming setbacks.
Excellent hub! I agree, you are an inspiration, hope to read more hubs!
Jerilee: Thank you for your kind comments! Peeked at your hubpages and I see you write about diverse topics, so became your fan and will be catching up.
Wow VioletSun - what an inspiring hub. You've certainly taken on the "glass half full" attitude as compared to the opposite attitude - great choice. I commend you for that.
My Mum has always said to me that no matter how bad something seems, a positive always comes from a negative situation (although it usually isn't apparent at the time! - it's often "hidden" and presents itself in a way that you wouldn't necessarily expect - just as you have found).
You have proven that to both yourself and those around you by your attitude and acceptance of the impairment. Well done :)
I truly believe that everything does happen for a reason, and that none of us would be the people we are right now without every single event, circumstance, challenge and experience etc to date :)
I look forward to your next hub :)
Kylie Doak
Thank you for being so honest and open about your physical and emotional challenges. Unfortunately, life tests all of us in many different ways. I see that you are now a fellow traveler into the Light. Congrats! Also feel free to see my new hub, "Life Change". Sincerely: Gary Eby, author and therapist.
Kylie: You and I have a similar philosophy regarding life; I personally even believe we choose our parents before coming into this planet, but that's for another topic. :) I am also looking forward to your next hub!
qlcoach: Good to see you here. I enjoy reading your hubs and will check your new one today.
great inspiring hub violet sun. i'm taking the time to read hubs to get me going with the final pages of our site and thanks to you i've gotten that needed fire. your sun shines brightly in this hub and i know many will come to benefit from it. keep shining:)
Dayzeebee: I am looking forward to seeing your website and sharing it with friends. So happy to read, you got something out of this hub. Thanks for your presence here and comments!
Very Honest and inspirational hub VioletSun! Helen Keller was-is also a very inspiring woman who really makes me appreciate every sound i hear!, every sight i see and every word i speak for which i am truely thankful for..
Its hard to always find positives in negative situations and you have doen well!;)
Hi, compu-smart: Helen Keller was basically a role model for me when I was younger as her challenges were so much more difficult and she became an inspirational writer. Thanks as always for your comments. :)
Very inspiring story VioletSun. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, Dottie: Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi VioletSun, I'm not sure why it took me so long to find you on here, but I'm glad I did! Your ability to find the good in challenging situations is truly inspiring. I've also taken solace in metaphysical philosophy during difficult times in life, and although I also struggled with bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts growing up, I wouldn't change a thing about my experiences because of where I am now, and how much every hardship enabled me to develop greater empathy, understanding, and spiritual awareness.
It's amazing to realize how many gifts life has in store for you once you stop fighting against the current and begin to trust that everything happens for a reason. :) Thanks for this uplifting reminder!
I also can't believe I didn't find you in Hubpages sooner! I am wondering how many other like minded writers are here that I haven't met yet. :) And yes, going with the flow is what diminishes the suffering.
Thanks for your comments!
GREAT INFO
starcatch: Thank you for reading!
I read one of your posts about EFT and thought I must read your hubs - what an inspiring first one to be sure! For some, a little something is taken away to make place for an abundance of something worth far more - I think your sensitivity and strength shine through it all!
Shalini: Your comments are very much appreciated; gave me little chills, I must admit. :) Thank you for reading and commenting!
I had to wonder how many people, while reading your touching article, thought about their handicap. I believe we all have one. If it's only one we are pretty fortunate. You have done well grasshopper.
Hi, Karen: You have a good point, everyone has a challenge if its not physical, then it shows up in other ways. Thanks for reading and adding your thoughts.
*ANOTHER COMMENT CAPSULE*
Hi, everyone: To read more comments, please scroll down.
Thanks everyone for reading and your thoughtful comments!
Your story was very empowering. Your reading and quest for spiritual healing was very deep for someone at a young age, but this must have given you the strength to continue when many would have given up.
Thanks for stopping by read and comment, Sweetipie. I was able to identify and resonate with your hub on Self Love.
That's quite the story. I don't envy what you must have gone through as a teenager, but I admire what you've done with the hand you were dealt. There's a few of your hubs that I cannot bring myself to read, because they deal with subject matter that is very close to my own life and unfortunately, I'm not ready to deal with that yet. You've got a strong spirit and it's been a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Sniff, your comments made my eyes a little wet. Be gentle on yourself, when you are ready to deal with what you need to deal with, you will see things fall into place emotionally and spiritually.
Thanks for your visit and happy to make your acquaintance too.
How revealing and honest of you dear. I only hope my hearing doesn't worsen as I have lost some due to chemo in the past along with the damage done from fevers as a child in the fifties. I find myself putting a hand to my ear at times to catch the sound better. I know, I should get a hearing aid. I tried that and the sounds that were new to me drove me nuts. LOL
Ralwus: Wow, didn't know chemo could damage hearing, but it makes sense as chemo is tough on the body. It takes used to hearing with a hearing aid, and when sounds annoy me, as when I used to ride the NY subways, I would turn it off, close my eyes and try to relax. :)
Violet, this is beautiful and I love your honesty in telling this story. It will help a lot of people. It seems hard times and experiences often turn us toward deeper insights and can lead us to greater joy and wisdom.
Thanks for reading and adding your comments, Kartika, its appreciated. :)
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Comments
What a wonderfully inspirational person you are. I was inspired to visit your hub after you were kind enough to comment on mine. I have been deaf in my right ear for as long as I can remember. I used to hide this until one day when someone I admired stopped talking to me. I ran into this person years later and brought it up. She said it was because I only listened to half of what she said. I laughed and told her that I could only hear half of what she said. We've now been married for 25 years. I've learned that being up front with people about my limitation helps to lower the risk of misunderstandings and hurt feelings that might otherwise occur. Thanks so much for sharing!
rcbonay: What an interesting story! Glad it had a happy ending. :) Yes, being up front is the best because a hearing disability is not a visible challenge and folks can come up with all sorts of conclusions as to why they are not being heard; I find if one is comfortable with oneself, others will also be.
Thanks so much for readind and commenting!
Hi VioletSun, your words come from a sincere and grateful heart and I am touched. I am struck today when you wrote that healing took place when you have come to accept that you are hearing impaired. I have felt your peace and indeed you have found that is which most important to you. Your story is an inspiration to many. Keep sharing your light... :)
Hi, Ripplemaker: I suffered from a deep depression, but when I suddenly surrendered and accepted my hearing challenge, the depression lifted and it was such a relief to be healed instantly from this emotional pain. Thanks for gracing this space with your light. :)
This is really a good hub
Thank you, Lgali!
I loved Christopher Reeves' book, STILL ME. He was truly an inspiring man. I have been wanting to get to know some folks with hearing impairment again and to become involved in the deaf community again after many years away. I am happy to know you! :)
Hi, Suzanne: Thanks for your fan mail. I had the privilege of sitting in back of Dana at an HBO taping in NY to bring awareness for Americans with disabilities, and where Christopher Reeve was the main speaker. What a guy! I am also happy to meet you! :)
VioletSun: I am so glad that you steered me to your excellent hub. Thank you.
I am not sure why, but all my life I have empathized for the people that struggle with "disabilities". It lead me to my current profession of Direct Support Professional for the developmentally disabled.
Thank you for sharing your struggle and eventual acceptance of your hearing impairment.
Iamadork: I had no idea you were in such a noble profession. Wonderful! I initially studied to work with hearing impaired children as a psychologist but ended up in banking of all places. Weird how life can be at times. Thank you for reading and commenting.
ASHWINSPGA says:
16 months ago
When i was 3yrs old, my grandma noticed that my left year was red and had a slight swelling. She sat me in her lap and proceeded to check the inside of my ear. She then said an ant must have gone in and whispered something to my mum. I didnt notice anything till all of a sudden my mum gripped hold of my head tightly while my grandma poured boiling hot water in my left ear to kill the ant. I rememeber the pain that ripped my head and i still have nightmares till this very day thinking of the incident. My ear was scalded and finally they had no choice but to bring me to the hospital where the doctor after checking said the swell was because i had a small boil in my ear. A boil i would have recovered from if it was treated with anti-biotics for 3 days. I dont want to say what happened next except that im deaf in my left ear because my ear drums were destroyed. Why im relating this story is because if your child have any problems dont try to act like a doctor or "know it all" and bring him to a professional. Dont ruin your child's life just to save a few bucks with home-made-remedies. :=(
Ms Violet, thank you for this well written hub. You are a wonderful writer and i love you so much for constantly touching me with your words. :=)