In part 1 of this series, "Being There For Each Other", we learned about the human spirit. We said that our spirit is that part of us that is made alive at our salvation. (Eph. 2:1) Our human spirit stands before God in heavenly places communing with Him (Eph. 2:6) and instructs us in spiritual things.  (1 Cor. 2:11) God the Holy Spirit guides this communing and instructing in spiritual things. As a married couple, our kindred spirits when standing together, make a force formidable in our fight against the Enemy. In Part 2, we will discuss our souls and how God wishes us to be in one accord, "soul mates" if you will.

God's idea of what a soul mate is and the World's idea don't exactly match. When the World speaks of soul mates, it portrays two people so exactly matched that there is little or no work to be done to maintain this idealistic relationship. In the cosmic forces of "Fate", they fall into each other's lives and instantly become part of each other. Each can see into the other's mind and read the need even before the other speaks the need. They automatically know the other so completely that they often speak the other's mind or even complete the other's sentences. The image is so perfect that is no wonder the whole notion of a soul mate is dismissed as nonsense.

Contrast this with God's idea of soul mates. In God's definition, it is not a cosmic accident. It is His design. It is not just a good thing to have, it is God's command for the married couple. Unlike popular lore, this type of relationship takes effort and work, and most of all, God. But it is possible to be close enough to make the World stop and take notice.

To understand the term "soul mate" one must first understand what the soul is by Biblical definition, and then learn from Scripture how two souls can stand together in Christ. Popular culture has no idea what the soul of man is. It is that part of man that contains the mind, the will, and the emotions.  It is in communication with the spirit and is connected closely with it.  So closely in fact, that the Word of God is said to be able to discern between the two (the soul and the spirit) but alludes that that discernment is not possible by any other means. (Heb. 4:12) This part of man is not said by Scripture to be "standing in heavenly places in Christ Jesus" as is the spirit of man. It is contained in the body said to be the "temple (or house) of the Holy Spirit."  It (the soul) is how we know a person; their personality, their likes and dislikes, their personal uniqueness.

[a side point - Ecclesiastes 3:21 says that animals too have this part of their make up - a soul, a mind, will, and emotions - but have a different life principle than do humans]

The soul fights a constant battle on this cursed Earth on its three vulnerable fronts; that of the mind, the will, and the emotions. Our enemies stand ready to attack our mind, turn our will, and reek havoc with our emotions. If one is to believe that the soul mate relationship is possible, to believe it could be possible without God's continual empowerment is ridiculous. Those that do not know Jesus as personal Lord and Savior may just as well believe it a myth, because without God it is impossible.

1. Stand Together In One Mind.

This Scriptural premise flies in the face of current popular thought for a healthy mind in a relationship with another person. Experts would say that it is inadvisable to alter one's mind for the benefit of another. As we learned in Part 1, our lives are not our own, so too, our thought lives are not just for our benefit, to do with as we wish.  "But it's just in our minds," you may say.  "We can have fantasies of cheating, or rape, or anything - it's just in our head.  It doesn't hurt anybody.  Right?"  Wrong we are commanded to put pure thoughts in our minds.  That we will give an account for every thought as well as action we take.  (Phil. 4:8; Phil. 2:2-4; 1 Pet. 5:5)  The World says to think of yourself first.  Take care of yourself first. They say that to do otherwise, is not only bad reasoning, but can be unhealthy.

God says to keep a pure mind and to think of our mate first, not ourselves.  We are to do all we can to encourage their personal and spiritual growth in the Lord.  According to the World, striving for oneness in mind is unhealthy.  Popular psychology says that one risks "losing themselves" by giving up personal control.  Yet God's Word says: "Let [volitional choice] this mind [singular] be in you that is also in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 2:5)  The idea is that both partners will become more Christ-like in their minds and as they put on one mind they will be more in tune with each other. (Rom. 8:28-29)  They'll begin to think alike regarding spiritual things.  Each will keep their unique perspective, but there will be spiritual harmony that will dovetail their thinking into one mind.

This process of standing together in one mind begins with who oversees its growth.  It begins with self sacrifice and seeming risk.  You deny yourself for the other's benefit, knowing God is "keeping the books."  You begin by turning one thought at a time from you and what will benefit you, to God and to your mate.    Rest assured that the Enemy (the World, the Flesh, and the Devil) will remind you that it feels like you're coming up short, especially if your mate doesn't seem to be reciprocating.  Don't listen.  You aren't in charge of your mate's growth.  That's God's business, so don't get in His way.  Allow God to continue to oversee your family's growth and progress.  Trust God with your well being.  He won't let you down.

2. Holding To One Will.

We often have heard the term "battle of the sexes."   The constant vying for who will hold the power in marriage has been a struggle since Adam and Eve. (Gen. 3:16)  Each one thinks that they are so much more qualified to lead the other, each exerting force over the other to exercise their own will.  God's plan for marriage is different.  Both are to give up their will to God and to each other.  This often draws a gasp from those who mouth the popular thought.  "I will give up my will to no one!"  "No woman will tell me what to do!"  "No man will run my life!"  God says to both individuals in marriage: "Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ: submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of God." (Eph. 5:20-21)

The key to this is in the word "submission."  O how the World hates that word!  The second and perhaps even more hated is the word "obedience."  Obedience and submission are so distorted by popular thought and history's accounts of man's inhumanity to man, that the true sense of it is lost, even to a majority of Christians.  Submission is not degrading nor does it subjugate yourself to your mate.  It is a gift given freely, rather than a demand exercised over you.  First, you do not submit or obey your mate mindlessly.  Nor do you allow them to control your mind.  Even God does not demand that kind of submission.  "Be ye filled (voluntarily controlled) by the Holy Spirit" (Eph 5:18) and "Come now, let's reason together, saith the Lord." (Isa. 1:18) You will put what you want to do second, yeilding to your mate as God leads you to do so.  You submit to God first, and then to each other.

3. Protecting Each Other's Emotions.

Herein lies our vulnerability.  There is nothing so disconcerting as being or feeling vulnerable.  So many of us will refuse to be trusting in the area of our emotions because it tends to make us feel vulnerable.  Because of this, we tend to put up with them (our emotions) instead of enhancing our lives with them, as God intended.   We become so protective of our vulnerablities that we give no thought to what our precious spouse needs or is going through.  God's Word is difinitive in this area as well.  "Husbands, love [not just by action but also by emotion] your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for it. (Eph. 5:25)...wife see that she reverence (respect) her husband." (Eph 5:33)   Christ tenderly looks after our emotional well being.  He was not afraid to show His emotions nor to have it written down that He wept.  He knows our makeup and was willing to die for each of us. 

Are you willing to die for your wife?  I don't mean only to take a bullet for her, should the need arise.  I mean, are you willing to lay aside your life and what you want to do in favor of what she needs or wants to do?  Husbands, do you show any vulnerability to your wife?  Do you show her a tender side?  Would you ever weep in front of her?  Do you show empathy when your wife weeps in front of you?  or do you say, "Oh stop that! What, are you crying again?"  What of you wives?  Do you encourage your man to be himself, even showing you his emotions?  or do you say, "I can't stand to see a grown man cry."  "Stop that!  Be a man!"  Do you make him feel that he must always be strong, successful, or productive?  or do you say that, "Together we will be strong."  Do you feed him mixed messages that say on the one hand, "I need you", and on the other, "I need no man"?  Both are to protect our spouse's weak side.  We all have a weak side, so have our mate's "back", protect them.

Do you see how the misinformation is fed us?  Do you see how God wants marriage to reflect Christ and the church?  Do you see that we need to stand with our mate, one in mind, one in will, one in emotions?

In Part 3 of this series on marriage, we will be looking into the concept of being one flesh.  The joy of sharing our physical bodies in marriage and the gift that it is.