My first lesson as a relationship coach was taught to me by a 20-something couple I coached during my first appointment. My young mentor told me that love is just a small part of the relationship.....it's the fun that makes it last.

I often wonder how they're doing because they started out on the right path. Now years and years later I have a batch of other tips that help save relationships that have taken a turn toward the edge of the pool. Here is what's important to know.....

1. You don't have to know everything about love and relationships to get it right. And, you can know everything there is to know about about communication and get it all screwed up. So what makes it work?

2. You can't just listen....You have to listen and question what you've heard! Once you've tested your understanding you can be confident you have the information....now for the test.

3. Don't suggest a solution for at least 24 hours, no matter how serious the issue is that you just listened to....don't suggest a solution....until later. Solution time, even if you're asked for a solution, is 24 hours later. Providing a solution now will be a mistake and it will take you 24 days to recover. Don't do it.....Instead....

4. Ask, "How does that make you feel?" This process is statistically proven to be a major challenge for men. One they tend to fail on a regular basis, even after years of living inside a relationship. Women find that unbelievably sloow. So what's next?

5. Listen....Silently! Once the response has ended ask a question to confirm what you've heard....Sound familiar? This is not only called "Active Listening." It's also commoningly recognized as LISTENING.

6. What two things do you see happening in other relationships or in your dreams about your own relationship, that would bring you more joy than anything that is currently happening in your relationship....if only you had the courage to make them happen or at least enough courage to talk about these ideas with your partner?

7. Do Those Two Things NOW! What are you waiting for? If you keep on doing what you've always done your relationship will keep on sucking like its always sucked. It's time for a change so Just Do It & Do It Now!

This is not a trick strategy or a manipulaton technique. This is how communication works. It is especially essential for partners in a relationship.

It is all too easy to relax into a routine habitual type of conversation where one partner tunes out the other. Most often both partners return home from work needing a period of rest from "information overload." You must energize your responses and you can't turn off your listening skills just because you're tired.

Part of the magic that makes relationships work, while also presenting the challenge that tests the metal of a relationship, is being able to BE THERE for your partner, at the very same time your partner is being there for you. So you're asking, "I'm there but it doesn't seem to make a difference!" Try this scenario and see if it fits your experience...and challenge.

The next time you're talking with your relationship partner, make eye contact and don't daydream. In other words, be right there where you are and do not allow your thoughts to drift to another zip code. Here's how it usually works...

Most of us have a ton of work related responsibilities and drama. And even though we try very hard, we bring it home with us and thereby initiates the challenge round.

So now your relationship partner has arrived home and needs to unload, even though the "house rule" is No-Work-Related-Stuff-Gets-Discussed-Here. But you, being the sensitive partner that you are realize it makes sense to use this opportunity to appear to be interested. So you make yourself available, although with an ulterior motive of stashing away some listening points you can cash in later...

And while you are "listening" your eyes glaze over because you have left the building and are on the <i>back nine at the TPC</i> trying to take Tiger's title away with a couple of savvy bunker shots!

My point is relationships have to set workable rules for how things go when the timing doesn't work when both partners are needy at the same time.

Who's going to be the listener first and who has to be the champion when both of you are running on empty, emotionally speaking? This is the conversation that builds a foundation for long term relationships...my next hub:)

If you have questions, I have answers and I will keep our chats in total and complete confidence. Talk to me....

Ciao,

Doc Rich