Warning: The following statements are based on my experiences and observations. This is not written to put anyone down, but if you see yourself in the following, specifically the top two examples, please seek medical assistance immediately. Also, while this is not a serious piece, it isn't all in jest either. Enjoy!

...and, those who seem so overly nice, that they seem like a dream come true.

I was in elementary school when I first became aware that 'nice' people are not always nice. I'd seen some things on the playground that made me wonder, but it was the news coverage of Ted Bundy that showed me how dangerous 'nice' people could be.

He had recently murdered yet another young woman. The news showed pictures from surveillance cams of him limping along with crutches, talking to a dark haired girl. Her friends said, "He seemed so nice."

Lots of people thought he was nice -- but he wasn't.

Just because someone seems nice, doesn't mean they are trustworthy. Get to know them a while. Meet their friends and family. Make sure they are sane.

In one of Brooklyn's most charming neighborhoods live two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest old ladies that ever walked the earth. They give to charity and take good care of their insane nephew, who thinks he is Teddy Roosevelt. They have extra rooms in their old house, so take in boarders.

If you happen to be a lonely old man, with no friends or family, they have another service they offer. This service begins with a glass of Elderberry wine, and ends in the basement...

Now before some of you lonely, elderly gents go getting all excited, I'd have you know that it would be more favorable to be a spamming fan of Frogdropping's, and be stuffed in the bathroom, than take a trip to the basement with these dear, sweet old ladies.

Don't believe me?

Take a peak at the videos, of the goings-on in their old home...

• To watch the whole movie, begin here.

Last spring my husband hired a handy man to stain our house. This guy arrived with his girlfriend in tow. She welcomed herself into my house, and began making small talk.

No, she didn't kill anyone, at least not that I know of...

After a few minutes, it became obvious that she was not too happy with her life. It seemed everyone was picking on her.

I sat down, because, evidently, she really needed someone to talk to. She told me about work and how her man had been unemployed all winter. How no one would hire him, and those who had helped them out over the winter were now being mean. Knowing about half the people she was talking about, I had a hard time thinking she was telling the whole story.

I probed for information, and was met with tales of what a nice, helpful person she was, who wouldn't take advantage of anyone. How they hadn't paid their rent or electricity all winter, and couldn't understand why their power was being cut off. How those who had loaned them money wanted to be repaid, and when they had hired her man, so he could work off his debt, they wouldn't pay him cash.

When I asked her, "How have you been so nice, and what does it have to do with any of this?" She told me, "When people want us to pay them back, it makes me sad and hurts my heart. I am really one of the nicest person you will ever meet. I don't say anything mean to anyone."

Being greatly confused, I asked, "So what in the world does that have to do with paying your debts? If you owe money, you owe money! If he can work it off, why are you complaining?"

I know, jab, twist, but I wasn't intending to be spiteful, I just wanted to know...

She looked at me with a dazed expression on her face, "It hurts my feelings when they ask, and he feels better about his work when he gets paid."

I was going to have to mull that one over.

"So why didn't he work all winter? There have been plenty of jobs in the paper for his skills." I pried.

"He doesn't like the cold." She stated, matter-a-factly.

"Painters work inside in the winter." I prodded.

"Can't you see, these people are being so mean to us? They want us to pay them back, and they have more money than we do, and I have been so nice to them. I haven't told them how much it hurts my feelings when they us to pay them back!" She insisted.

And so the saga continued...

Chant: "Same song, next verse,

A little bit louder and a little bit worse."

... until the house was done.

It ended later that summer, when he passed on and she, in her grief, had thrown multiple temper tantrums in public -- always telling people how nice she was and how they should bend over backwards to get her what she wanted.

Now obviously, some people in this world are genuinely nice, #5 and #6, but I have never heard them say so. No, nice people don't need to tell anyone they're nice. They just are.

By the way, I'm not nice. Just ask my brother!

If you would like to see someone, who I find to be genuinely nice, click here.

• Bruce Willis
• Angus MacGyver
• Chris Ledoux
• Mel Gibson
• Will Smith
• Jarn

Warning: This list is prone to growth.