The sun is unrelenting as it beats down on you. You reach for the goatskin water bottle and gently let the water caress your lips, sipping carefully at this precious source of life. You pull your headscarf over your head and wrap it around your face to shield you from the heat. You look up and see the crystal blue sky, the expanse only interrupted by white clouds that endlessly transform as if in a choreographed dance. The wind blows and you welcome the sporadic relief it gives you but it also brings with it a cloud of dust that instinctively you shield your eyes from.

You have travelled for quite some time, leading your father-in-law’s flock amongst the valley plains. The route snakes its way through the scarred blood coloured mountains, which rupture out of the ground before you. In some areas the valley path is narrow and although that gives much needed shelter from the sun it also brings a chill that gradually creeps its fingers around your body encompassing you like a cloak.

You had spent the last forty years guiding and looking after your father-in-laws flock. Within that time you had learnt how to adjust to the unforgiving landscape around you. Land that had made you quickly appreciate how you should respect its temperamental changes. Land that demanded to be revered in order to distinguish between life and death. Land that had deepened your understanding of God and heightened your awareness of Him. What does God mean to you?

As the long shadows of the afternoon signal the impending end of the day, you know that you will soon need to find somewhere to settle for the night. Look around you – what do you notice? Do you see the savage grandeur of the rustic mountains reaching high above you? Or the vast expanse of golden silken dunes that roll out before you? Do you notice the thorny desert plants that your flock are feasting on? Strain your eyes in each direction to fully absorb all that is before you.

Knowing that you will need to find bushes and thorns to make a fold for the sheep you begin to venture in the direction of the mountains. Leading your sheep along nondescript footpaths that weave their way around nooks and fissures you slowly begin to ascend. The silence wraps itself around you, only interrupted by the occasional bleating from your sheep. The wind whistles as it rushes pass you and explores every nook and cranny. The air smells warm and dusty and as you wipe your hand across your brow you can feel the thin layer of fine sand that has found its home on the weathered contours of your face. How does the climb feel? Is it hard under foot? Do you need to rest?

Your slow laboured pace gradually brings you higher but as you look up the mountain seems to be racing away from you. The clouds gallop overhead mutating as they go and as you look you can just begin to see the first signs of the sky turning as faint streaks of crimson stain the clouds and bright blue sky. There is an opening, which is as good a place as any to settle. As you busy yourself with preparations for the night you are suddenly aware of a light that flickers against the rock at the far side of the opening. You stop what you are doing and watch the performance as the light dances hypnotically along the rock face. Curiosity causes you to venture nearer so you grab your staff. Glancing back to your flock you cast your eyes over them to check that all is well before moving to the source of this unusual sight.

Your eyes stay focused on the light, which seems to draw an inviting path towards its source. You turn the corner and your eyes fall upon the cause. Slightly alarmed at what you see you stumble backwards against the rock face, clumsily dropping your staff and reaching out your arms for support. How can it be that a bush could be on fire and yet not burning up? The flames jump and dance competing against each other and you can feel the heat radiating out and warming your cheeks. Your eyes water from staring at the intensity of the fire whose yellow, orange and red tongues entwine with each other – you blink your eyes part in disbelieve and part to relieve the offense upon your eyes. How do you feel? What thoughts are going through your mind? Are you afraid?

Looking suspiciously from side to side you slowly lean down, still keeping your focus on the burning bush. You reach out your hand on the ground and move it in a semi-circular movement, feeling the sand and dirt graze your fingertips, until they come upon the wooden texture of your staff. Pulling the staff to you, you slowly rise, your focus still on the bush, until the staff is firmly before you and the weight of your body is supported by it. Cautiously you move closer to the bush feeling the heat dance in waves across your face and your hands. You barely take two steps before you hear a voice – it calls your name – how do you feel? Are you frightened? The voice is clear and strong but at the same time comforting and you wonder who or what is calling to you and how they know your name. Do you want to hide or are you curious to find out who or what is calling to you? Does it fill you with fear or comfort that in this deserted place, someone knows you?

The voice speaks again and tells you to not come any closer but to remove your sandals as you are stood on Holy ground. In awe you cautiously look around. You lean on your staff as you systematically slip one sandal off placing your foot shakily onto the ground before you. You feel the sand and dirt between your toes as your foot becomes accustomed to its habitat, before slipping the other one off. The ground conducts the heat from the bush and you feel the warmth as your toes spread and your feet relax – can you feel it? Does your body feel relaxed?

Again the voice speaks and by now your fear is lessening as your senses adapt to the phenomenal circumstances. The voice says, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob”.

This is the God that Jethro had spoken about – the one that you had prayed to – the one that you convinced yourself you knew and yet He was now speaking to you. Are you dreaming? Why does He call to you? Your heart races so much that you feel that it will explode, you can hear each beat resounding in your head. You shake your head from side to side, shutting your eyes, thinking that when you open them there will be nothing there. But as you open your eyes and focus again on what is before you, you know this is no dream. You hide your face in fear and out of respect for the Almighty God that Jethro had told you about. How do you feel stood in His presence? Does your mind flit through passages of your life looking for wrong doings or periods of regret and shame? Do you feel naked in front of God? Or are your questioning why is He calling you? What does He want? Are you prepared to wait and listen or will you turn away?

The voice continues, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey…”

You remember back to your time in Egypt. How you had witnessed the people who had worked tirelessly for the Egyptians and in return received abuse both physically and mentally. How the very souls of each person had been destroyed bit by bit. You had acknowledged their mistreatment and it was because of this injustice that you had fled. Did God then hear and see all that? How does that make you feel?

The voice then says, “So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people…out of Egypt”.

What! Sending you? You are no leader – the only creatures you have led are the flock that accompany you on this mountain. You are not equipped to do such things. Who are you and who is going to listen to you anyway? How do you feel about this?

You voice your concerns, your fears, and your worries. “I will be with you,” the voice calmly says and somehow a new strength rises up from within you. A conviction that maybe you can do it.

But thinking about what you will say to those who God wants to rescue, you ask, what name you should tell them and the voice says, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you’”.

Guided Meditation on I AM WHO I AM by Johanna Smart is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.