Go Raiders! Silver and Black for life! Just Win Baby!

Welcome to the Black Hole, throughout the season, I will be Hubbing from my seat at the famed Black Hole. Expect some smack talk after every home Raiders game. Win or lose there will be smack talk.

This is my fourth year sitting in these season ticket seats. Section 105 row 17. Every year we each spend $610 on ten thrilling games. Not bad when it breaks down to $61 a game. It's a fraction of the old costs when you had to buy seat licenses. We sit or actually stand in the upper Black Hole, where the costumed fans slowly fade away. But it’s still close enough, that you gotta stay on your feet. Me and my buddy bought these seats after I befriended the Raiderettes during my newscast adventures. One of the cheerleaders announced on Myspace that tickets were about to go on sale cheap. Yay! Childhood ambition comes true. Steve and Marc are going to the Black Hole!

>In four seasons, we’ve only seen like 6 wins, maybe two dozen arrests, and dozens of annoying neighbors. I’m lucky enough to sit in the endzone where the players run out of during pregame intros.

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Our neighbors in row 18 is a group of lawyers. They are all lifelong Raider fans, and are entertaining as hell. We like them, nice fellows. But dammit, one day we will strangle the guy who scalps row 16. The whole damn row. We get the dumbest testosterone driven fans who say the dumbest things. They get drunk and throw up all over the seats, and sometimes they bring girlfriends. Dummies, it’s like bringing a backpack of sausages into Michel Vick’s pitbull kennel. We see a lot of little Napoleon Complexed geeks, and just some of the dorkiest kids you’d most likely punch if you were drunk in the club.

Oakland weather is usually pleasant around football time. We get Indian summer, a few rainy games here and there. Never snows.

To kick off this awesome season of Raiders football, I will go over proper Black Hole etiquette. There are things you cannot do in Oakland, and if you do it, people will look at you funny, and some may even kick your butt.

Dress Code-DO NOT WEAR THE OTHER TEAM’S JERSEY. If you’re a Chargers or Broncos or some fan of another team, you shouldn’t even be in the stadium. There’s a cheering section behind the visiting team’s bench. That should be the safest bet. But to enter the famed Black Hole in something not the Raiders is asking for it. You’ll get ridiculed and yelled at. You might even get punched in the face. At the end of the day, when security comes, it will be YOUR FAULT!!!

If you’re in the stadium wearing another random jersey, (not a raiders, not the visiting team) You’re just as bad as if you were wearing the visiting team’s jersey. Especially if it’s a 49ers jersey. Just wear a wife beater.

Drinking-Drinking is welcomed, but for the love of God no throwing up. It’s not cool. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone at a football game gets drunk. Fans can have a beer or two, sit back and cheer for the Raiders. Real Raider fans can hold their liquor. Economically, it spells disaster at 7 bucks a beer. If you want to get drunk do it in the parking lot or on the BART train. It’s cheaper, and by the time you get to your seat, you won’t be too hammered.

Noise-Go ahead and cuss, it’s the Black Hole, we can get away with it, people no better not to bring their kids there. Kids that are there that are exposed to the drinking and cussing will grow up to be great members of the Raider Nation. Joining chants, cussing out opposing players, and even our own players are acceptable. What is not acceptable are overly aggressive amped up kids, yelling out “This is War”

When the other team is marching towards your side of the Black Hole, yell out obscenities. Crowd noise does distract and throw off other players. I honestly think Jay Cutler may have been offended by my “Gay Clit-ler” chants. When the Raiders are marching, you must be quiet, applaude the good plays, cheer for big plays. But once Jamarcus Russel breaks the huddle, you gotta pipe down so we can get the play off.

Seating Arrangements-Don’t sit in a seat that’s not yours. Believe me, it’s someone’s seat. The ushers are more than happy to assist you. Once you get to your seat, you’re probably not going to sit down. In the Black Hole, you stand upright for 95 percent of the game. There will be a few dead moments, such as TV timeouts and between quarters. If you sit down anytime during the game, don’t bother asking the person in front of you to sit down. It’s like trying to tame a stampede. Be prepared to stand, and wear comfortable shoes. Do not stand on your chair and obstruct someone’s view, unless you’re some kind of midget. You may stand up if the two rows behind you have no one there.

Halftime-I’ll be honest, we’ve been on recession halftime mode for the past couple years even before the recession. It seems like every game we get some massive high school middle school cheerleader halftime show. Honestly the show sucks. You don’t want to watch no ten year olds cheering. This is the best time to get up, go pee pee, grab food, and grab a beer.

Kids- The little ones are welcome, but as I said, be careful of the cussing, drinking, and fighting. But the thing I've noticed is some folks kinda get drunk or too into the game, they neglect their kids. It looks bad, the kids are bored or crying, but mom and dad are drunk. If you got kids at the game, for the love of god be responsible and keep an eye on them.

Be Friendly- Especially in the Black Hole, we're all fellow Raider fans, except for the moron who wears the opposing team's jersey. We all cheer for the same team, we're all citizens of the Raider Nation. No need to beat eachother up, it's not going to help our team. In fact if Raider fans fight eachother, it's just like the team and players, and Tom Cable.

 Hopefully with these tips, you can survive the Black Hole. Me and my buddy Marc have been there for 4 seasons now. We’ve earned our stripes. My articulate trash talking has earned street cred from our neighbors. Marc gets his props for being a good neighbor and abiding by the rules, he also has lady friends that visit him.

After being at the Saint Preseason game, I look forward to another long year, Committed to the Exellence of trash talking my own team. Hopefully the Raiders take the league by storm, and surprise everyone, including the Raider Nation fans who've been yearning for success.