Dear Basil, I was ordered to send you a reply so here it is...:
I see you're a sneaky person like I am. Example: You won't or haven't revealed you location. Sneaky I can work with, that's how I was raised. You a married guy? If so, you're already passed sneaky 101 and moved on. No photo of you, Basil, How come? Sneaky? I rest my case.

This is my first ever message board, Basil, I don't know dick about threads and all that. All I've got to go on is animal cunning. OK? The MAN is looking on, this is my one shot at getting in Creepster and hauling in the filthy lucre. You with me here?

Since you are trying to bust into "C" and waiting for the word from "The Man", perhaps then, I'm the man! Make sense, does it not? How long you been waiting, B? Isn't it just possible that if you're good to me (ME!) from whom all blessings might possibly flow, I might grease your path toward fame, stardom and Chief Editorship of Creepster? Yes, B, I may have that power. Kiss my ring, Peon! No no no no no, I joke. I treat my crew (agents) well, like gold. I love you, Basil, I really, really do.

Submit, my little friend, submit. Isn't submission the whole point, have you come this far only to turn away from a little smack in the butt from a hickory paddle with a few well spaced holes? I think not. Do not quiver my juicy one, my mushroom. Think far ahead (not Star-Date 3302, mind you) but ahead... love, respect, and manly esprit d' corp is your future. I am your future. Serve me well, Basil, serve me well.

Tenderness aside, my sweet, there are certain practicalities here. Notice, no spell check? Want to know why, B.? I'll tell you (because I trust You, Basil (OBEY!) We run a computer algorithm, your cumulative spelling errors reveal the inner Basil (basil with a small "b") Cleaver, huh, I can mis spel wit aban done, cuase i b a made man. (oh, there is a spell check, ha ha, I joke again.) That's the world of black op comedy, my diminutive chipmunk. (keep this information to yourself)

Tell me, Basil, you would throw a pie for me, wouldn't you? A key lime pie, a hot potato pie, a banana creme pie, your last pie? You would throw that pie? (OBEY) Yes, a thousand times yes. I love you, I love you more, I love you most (OBEY)
I will protect my son, my loyal son, my favored son, my first twitch of an erected you know what. Love now and forever. (obey)like a gentle kiss that invites another, and another.

Basil, I know you will succeed, hidden hands are at work guiding your fate, a fate of creamy, succulent love, and untold riches. Must go, my love, there is trouble in SECTOR R and I must quell it. The writers are at it again, staging their pathetic revolt (I think I accidentally hit the sent button)

Before I go, and because I trust you (OBEY)I will trust you with you first assignment. Your duty is to make contact with the covert side of Creepster.com. I Know you can handle this (says right here in your file) Your contact methodology
will proceed as follows:

When you are approached by a person in a red, green, pink, yellow, orange, black, or white t-shirt (that color, over-all) you must say these words softly then stick out your tongue:

"THE BUNNY SUGAR IS ON THE EARS! Be understood, don't crap out, remember, this is your one and only chance, don't muff it.

If that person or persons looks at you with contempt or stunned disbelief, THAT IS THE SIGNAL YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, AFFIRMATION! All you say then is: BASIL!, REPORTING FOR DUTY.

Gotta run, the writers are storming the elevators.

Remember, I love you! (OBEY) Farrell Hamann (Hang higher that a Hamann... family motto) F.