One day while going to lunch with a girlfriend of mine she randomly asked me if there was a difference between being with a white guy and being with a black guy, and if so, who's better? She felt she could ask me, a black female, this question because I have been in relationships with both races.

I must admit, her question floored me. I never really thought about it. But she had a good reason for asking, she is a white female and she has never been with a black man, so she wanted to either prove or disprove the rumor she'd heard up to that point. The rumor being that black men were better in bed.

When she first asked me my answer was very general because she put me on the spot. I did not have time to formulate a good answer. But since then I've had time to think about it. You can agree or disagree, but this is what I feel.

The difference between being with a white man versus being with a black man on a sexual level is non existent. The reason I say this is because every man, regardless of race is different sexually just like every woman is different. The color of a man's skin does not determine the type of lover he is. Nor does it guarantee any certain size in various areas. Who he is as a person determines what kind of lover he is. And the quality of sex between a couple depends on the couple.

On a relationship level, yes there is a difference. As a black female I can relate to a black man on a whole level that I cannot with a white man just because we share certain experiences based on who we are. On the other hand, being in a relationship with a white man automatically creates a wall of differences because we come from two different backgrounds. This by no means is a dealbreaker or even a bad thing, its just a difference.

If she asked me that question today, even though I've had time to think about it I still would be floored just a little. But this time I would answer this way: neither is better than the other and each can equally break your heart.