It started out very well. We wanted to visit the London Eye,

Far better to go by train to Waterloo - after all the Eye is right there by the station. Long wait, but views made it all worth while. Afterwards we walked along the South Bank - all in all a wonderful day out in London.

Happy, excited, (tired) children - we just needed to get home.

It was as we were passing through Clapham Junction that I heard the first distant rumble of horse`s hooves when my youngest daughter said "Mum, I need the toilet ....." ( ...... mother's everywhere will recognise my feelings at this point .... ) after enquiring if she could possible wait for an hour or so till we arrived home and seeing her look of panic when I asked this, I gritted my teeth and duly set off along the length of the train - with my two youngest daughters in tow - ....... slipping and lurching from side to side as the crowded train gathered a bit of speed as it left central London behind.

We had nearly made it to the "smallest room" on the train, when the last interconnecting carriage door was proving very hard to shift. To my dismay there was also a 'huge' gap (of approximately an inch or so ....... ) beneath my feet through which I could see the tracks hurtling past beneath the train. Now I haven`t seen that many films where carriages become uncoupled from trains but at times like this I find myself remembering everyone of them. ( And I swear I could hear the sound of galloping horses ..... )

But no time to think about that now, as I managed to shove open the door and immediately found that the first horseman had indeed arrived - and his name was "Drunk".

Right there by the WC was a tall, well dressed man clutching an almost empty bottle of vodka, staggering from side to side and welcoming us to his part of the train. Standing close by was a young man who looked like a student, he appeared quite worried, and as our eyes met he seemed to be saying to me "Look out this guy could be trouble" - I didn`t need a second warning, and I was about to go back the way I had come when I remember my little daughters urgent problem.

Just at that moment to my dismay the next horseman arrived his name was "Grumpy Old Man". From the carriage behind me I began to hear the sound of a very irate elderly man shouting out to close the door - as it was so cold and noisy now that it was left open. Having been brought up to respect my elders and betters even if they are being unreasonable - I immediately apologised and tried to shut the sliding door once more, only to realised that "Drunken Man " leaning against it was the reason that I couldn`t do it.

The words "Devil and Deep Blue Sea" sprung immediately to mind as if there is one thing I don`t like doing more than upsetting elderly people it is upsetting a drunk ! This was turning into a nightmare.

No there was worse to come, as my little daughter seized her opportunity slipped past me into the miniscule cubicle and promptly locked the door behind her. And as I heard the click I saw the Horseman arrive bearing the name "Child locked in on South Western Train - family from Farnborough end up in Cornwall "

Oh, my baby ...........

Drunkman sees I am distressed. He comes closer.

Grumpy Old Man is shouting louder.

Drunkman leans towards me and slurs "you know what you do about people like him"

I am thinking "no I don`t know ....... and more to the point I don`t know what to do about you right now ......"

I am thinking the worst, and I am so frightened about what it is Drunkman thinks should happen to Oldman ......... when Drunkman leans ever closer, shaking his head, rolling his eyes and waving his hand (all at the same time) and then with with complete certainty pronounces

"you don`t take any notice of them .......... "

In a split second Drunkman has turned into my Grandmother ! He has said exactly the kind of thing she would say to me when I was a little girl. The dark windowless space on the train seems flooded with light ( the sun must have broken through the clouds and hit the skylight ) and I notice that this wise and tipsy stranger has the most beautiful blue eyes. What is that loud thud I hear .... it must be the sound of my fears slipping off my shoulders and on to the floor. The train sways again. Drunkman staggers back and sideways onto the student and they both struggle to stay upright. I wonder how will he get safely home.

Now the sliding door is free to move and I can put Oldman out of his misery.

To my absolute joy the cubicle door opens and my daughter emerges quite happily and unaware of all the fuss around her.

I had to walk the walk of shame back through the carriage as the old man and all of his fellow passengers glared at me for causing the trouble at the exit.

I didn`t care I was a new woman, I had conquered some of my fears. I was going to return to my family and relate how I had remain cool, calm and collected in very difficult circumstances.

As we got back to our seats my husband asked "you were a long time what were you doing ?"

and my daughter seriously replied "oh, Mummy was talking to this man and he kept calling her darling ............. "

my husband didn`t seem to think that was funny - but I know I heard the sound of distant horse hooves and laughter.

In the last couple of years SW Trains have completely upgraded their trains to come into line with the 21st century !