Autism, which can be defined as a brain disorder that disrupts someone's ability to communicate fully with his or her fellow human beings, appears in varying degrees in its victims, so there is a spectrum between very severe and very mild. At the top end of the spectrum, a child can present enormous difficulties in terms of relating to his/her surroundings, and will need constant attention. At the mild end, the condition will only present itself at odd moments, and many cases go undiagnosed as a result. Every child will have temper tantrums at times, but that does not necessarily make them autistic.

Looking back at my own life, I can see that I was probably on the spectrum myself, although the difficulties I faced during my school years were never given a label. However, it is quite likely that my son has inherited his condition from me, as there is a strong likelihood that genetics plays a part here. As I did not know my own parents, I have no idea if this goes back several generations or not.

A particular form of Autism is known as Asperger's Syndrome, and it is typified in extreme cases by intense interest in the details of something without the ability to see the broader structure. I once knew a child who had memorised the complete map of the London Underground and, at the age of seven, could give you a route from any station to any other (and there are about 250 of them) without a moment's hesitation. But he had no idea where London was in relation to the rest of the country, or where any of the overground railway lines led to. There are other symptoms in milder cases of Aspergers, such as taking words and phrases literally and not seeing their broader meanings.

Early years

D (I'm not giving his real name) was never an easy child to bring up. To be honest, as neither of us had had children before, we were not sure what to expect, but I do not remember other parents having quite the same difficulties.

At a very early age he would get fixed ideas into his head as to what he was going to do and nothing would shift him. If we had to wait for someone to arrive, he would sit and wait for hours, rather than do something else in the meantime. Other children did not want to play with him because he set the rules of the game and would get very upset if any child had a different idea. His best friend was a boy who was five years older than himself (the son of a family friend).

He would get very upset if something did not turn out as expected, even with very minor things. For example, if you said that a meal would be ready in ten minutes and it took fifteen, you were a liar, and he used that word quite a lot.

Primary school

He went to the village primary school at the age of four and was soon a challenge, hiding under the table if there was something he did not want to do. He would do well with some teachers but not at all with others, walking out of their lessons and even out of the school. On more than one occasion I was summoned to the school to join a search of the village for him. The school did their best to accommodate him, even ensuring that a particularly good teacher moved classes at the same time that D did.

However, there were instances of violence against pupils and teachers, leading to suspensions from school and difficulties with the school governors, some of whom wanted him removed from the school. Fortunately, the head teacher was a sensible man and a dedicated teacher who was willing to stand up for D.

We had no trouble getting D classified as having Special Educational Needs, which meant that he was entitled to classroom assistance, paid for by the local authority. His needs have always been behavioural and emotional, as, in educational terms, he is very bright. His problem there is that he often refuses to do the tests and exercises that prove the point.

Secondary school

The local secondary school (we have a three-tier system in which pupils change school at 10 and again at 14) proved to be a disaster. They simply couldn't cope with D, having failed to read the signs and being more interested in making everyone conform to their pattern rather than being flexible. When D trashed the library, pulling bookstacks over and throwing tables around, he was not exactly expelled, but they refused to let him back. We therefore had to find another school, and he missed almost two complete terms of education before this could be done.

The new school was a huge improvement, mainly because, although is it a mainstream school, it has made a real effort to understand "special needs" and has established a reputation for careful co-education of pupils of all kinds and abilities. This helped D a lot, and he was able to make some firm friends there. The local education authority were also very helpful, including paying for D's daily taxi ride to school, 15 miles each way.

He still had plenty of problems, however, mostly caused by personality clashes with certain teachers that in turn led to him not going to their lessons, and thus not being educated in certain subjects. He was also still liable to give way to bursts of temper, and was suspended several times. I made any number of trips to the school to bring him home, sometimes only an hour or so into the school day. I also had to go with him on any school trips and visits, including a whole week in North Wales, tagging along behind just in case he looked likely to "lose it" with anyone. Fortunately, I had long been out of full-time work by this time, but I would have had to resign my job if it had not already resigned me!

He has now moved to the senior school that is next door to his previous one, but things are not a lot easier. He picks and chooses what lessons he will go to, and at the moment these are very limited, with cookery and drama being all he will do willingly. He refuses point blank to do English, or Maths, or Science, for example. He is surrounded by very helpful staff, who give him a huge amount of 1-on-1 attention, but it is always a struggle. Things are not helped by the fact that, although only in his first year, he is the tallest boy in the school (6 feet 4 inches, and only recently turned 15) and is therefore seen and recognised by everyone.

We all wonder what the future holds for D, as he is exceptionally bright, and he handles some situations extremely well. For example, he has been a devotee of Warhammer (fantasy wargaming with models) since he was seven, and there have hardly been any problems with his weekly visits into town, on his own, to play his games.

Living with an ASD child is far from easy, but he is also very likeable and we love him dearly, as do all the members of the extended family. Despite everything, he's a great kid. If you have an ASD child yourself, I hope that reading about someone else's situation is helpful, because you are not alone.