For a few thousand bucks you can get a guide to take you to the top of Mt. Everest. Of course....there has to be training and preparation.

If I could afford to do this.....this is what would happen.

I would arrive at base camp and be introduced to the fellow below...."Here is Flawn...your guide!"

Flawn would daintily tell me," Food sthupplies are doughnuths and bannanaths....I have already picked out thisth sthcrumptiuos pasthel pink jumpsthuit for ya!"

He would then give me a list of supplies:

1. Climbing Gear...pink rope...hand cuffs.

2. KY Jelly.

Of course....Flawn would get the pastel blue jump suit....he gets to choose....he's the guide! I only paid 25 thousand dollars to follow him up the stupid mountain and freeze my ass off!

I SAY:

"Flawn, why does the zipper go all the way down the back and under the crotch?"

"Fine, you keep your sucker...but I refuse to carry that damn duck!"

And THEN:

By now....I am starting to get a strange feeling about this guy....he might just be a little on the girly side?

 Flawn and I would then get our gear ready and begin the trek up the mountain side.

Of course...naturally...one would think..... that the guide goes up first?

Flawn, determined to be behind me.... would say ,"A little to the left....now a little to the right....oh yesth.....here....let me justh pushth on that butty to get you up the rock!"

We would finally make it to the peak and Flawn would make his move on me by rubbing my leg!

I would...of course begin to beat the shit out of him while he would be screaming,"Beat me...hurt me...make me write bad checks....harder daddy...harder!"

After kicking his ass all the way back to base camp....I would write the final check...and kiss the little gay bastard goodbye!