Brutally honest awkward moments
84The things you think, but never say...
Oh the moments that make up the most mind messing, morally challenging days of our lives. The awkward moments. The moments you love to hate...enjoy!
1) Sitting next to a guy you find attractive while watching a flick with sex in it.
2) The wretched gas bubble in closed spaces or serene settings.
3) Toilet overflows in a home not yours.
4) For the women; when at a public restroom facility, hoovering over the squat blow, you manage to pee on the back of your pants.
5) The booger...mostly the ones that tickle but can't seem to find, so you find your self picking at your nose while other stare idol waiting for the results.
6) Credit card declines.
7) He who farts but does not claim the glory to the all mighty stank.
8) Calling your mother-in-law the wrong name.
9) The coveted fart and sneeze.
10) When you have to sneeze but don't want to blow germs everywhere so you try to keep your mouth closed and the sneeze gets stuck in your throat.
11) The stoner drool.
12) Coughing or sneezing a big think chuck of phlegm on the back of someones pants, or in your hand and no tissue readily available to discretely take care of the unsightly phlegm wad. Never really knew what to do about the mucus wad on the back of someones pants though. -though I have not done this myself (the pants thing) I have seen it done, and well....?
13) The 80's super short man shorts shot...once upon a time in a video game arcade, a man with super short shorts was playing Poll Position while elegantly displaying his prize trophies if you know what I mean.
14) When friends with hot hubbies (boyfriends) like to give hugs.
15) Talking with friends and being unable to look at another girls guy while speaking because you get the feeling she is a jealous being.
16) Parking on the wrong side of the gas station, then turning the car around to realize you are still on the wrong side.
17) Losing your bikini bottoms or top while surfing.
18) When you can play a guitar better than the showy man trying to impress you.
19) Tripping over air.
20) When your partner is talking to you but you can't keep your focus off the hottie that just walked by.
21) Anyone ever knock yourself out by closing a car door??? I have!
22) Getting a little too much drinky at the bar and finding out the next day that you were the "pro exhibitionist".
23) Skinning dipping...clothes missing.
24) Puking on a female cops shoes.
25) The phone call at 4am from a boyfriends imaginary girlfriend.
26) When you wave to someone and that other person doesn't see you, so you look like a total ass.
27) For the women; when your bra unclasped in public for no apparent reason.
28) For the women; you know when you got an itch. ???
29) Ever put on a pair of pants from the previous day, later on you realize that yesterdays underwear is hanging out the bottom of a pant leg.
30) Now this is one of the funniest if not most awkward moments a person can have. I have a friend who was at a bar with this girl. The girl was too drunk to drive, so my friend being the nice guy that he is tell this girl, "hey, I live down the street, you can take the bed, I will take the floor."
So the girl agrees and when he shows her to the bed, she starts to make out with him. Next thing you know, the girl is passed out in mid kiss. So my friend calls it a night, next thing you know, his dad is kicking him, "get the f*&k up!"
Not realizing what is going on, he gets up, goes out into the living room where is mom and dad are telling him to get this girl out of their house. Completely confused about the events that transpired, he sees the girl sitting on the couch. He looks at her, makes a question in his head, says, "what the hell did you do?"
He takes the girl outside so that she could freely speak, tells him her version of what happened, he goes back inside. His folks continue..., " That girl climbed into bed between me and your mother, but I didn't know it at the time,he dad says, so I got out of bed and took your mother with me, but when I realized it wasn't your mother..."
So my friend completely floored and wondering why this girl decided to get cozy with his folks, goes back outside to set this girl straight, and she is gone.
Now that is an awkward moment.
moments continued...
31) The Porto potty cling on.
32) When your child calls someone other than their Dad, dad, or a younger lady Grandma.
33) When you are kickin' it at someones house enjoying their things and they ask you to leave because they have to go to bed.
34) Peeing with the door open thinking no one is home.
35) how do you spell queef?
36) Getting excited about a something like a candy bar thinking somone read your mind, then to realize that candy bar wasn't for you.
37) So, I am hanging out with a friend and his folks. I only met his mommy a couple of time so I wasn't feeling too comfortable, then as if I were her bestest friend eva...she sits down next to me and say, "You know what I got for mothers day?" I say, "no, what?" She replies, " I got my period. I haven't had a period in a year and a half." Then all I could say was..."God, I hope nature doesn't pull any surpirses on me when I am your age."
38) Taking a crap and not having any toilet paper nor anyone one around to help you.
39) For the pregnant ones, just one word...enema.
40) When the doctor asks you about the last time you had sex and for whatever reason, you find yourself trying to justify your reason for having sex.
41) Ok, this one is really bad, so skip it if you want. Ok girls...When um...you are un-kempt in a bikini and someone notices your sportin' a mohauk. LOL. I can't laughing at this one.
To be continued...
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CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER____A REAL CLIFF HANGER. OF COURSE THE BEST OUT OF THE BUNCH WAS---WHO WAS THAT GIRL?
AND WHAT DID MOM THINK WHEN SHE GOT LEFT BEHIND---BET THEIR STILL WORKING THAT ONE OUT.
Thanks jeromeo, that's funny. I don't know what moms thought other than "get that bi**h out of my house. Too much good stuff.
I remember once standing in the bus line, and this guy walks up to this other guy standing in the line and taps him on his head. When he turns around the first guy realizes that it's not the person he thought it was. Talk about apologies! He stood up there apologizing for about ten minutes, telling him that from behind he looked like someone he knew. Now that's embarassing.
:-) Waiting for The porto potty cling on.! and calls someone other than thier Dad, dad
Thanks
I got caught in loo and after no 2 found no paper. Had to call out to a stranger.
Very funny items in here. Will bookmark this for sure. Thanks
Once i did the same mistake what Lisa mentioned above but not apologized for 10mins.
With an upset stomach and no change in my pockets, I used for the first time a restroom at a mall in the Philippines. After making a big mess (SEE "upset stomach"), I discovered that the toilet-paper dispenser was coin-operated (SEE "no change in my pockets"). I won't get into the details of how I dealt with that situation.
Oh, has anyone ever been in public, approached someone from the rear, wrapped your arms around him or her from behind, thinking she/he was your significant other, and discovered a horrified stranger?
For men: getting especially intense "piss shivers" while standing among a bunch of guys at the urinals. NOT the best occasion for elbowing a strange man.
Thanks for all these comments, what a great way to start the day! Some funny stuff here. I think I found a couple of comments that can be deemed awkard. Thanks so much.
to be continued...
I love it! I'm nervous to start writing! Any advice? Anyone?
u are really funny and gud, infact i luv ur messages.
seunlove.
I can't wait for the next Hub....very funny..
What a hilarious list! I enjoyed reading it!
alright. you get a thumbs up. there are some things in here that made me laugh..
that is hilarious!
awesome list, can relate to the overflowed loo lol!
Lol! I'm glad I've never had an awkward moment like that before. Except the overflown toilet. That one SUCKED.
great hub sunshine ! love your photo ; I made a pass at myself just by looking at you ; that's brutally honest do !
funny
Thanks all for reading. I put up some more moments at da bottom of the hub, check it out, though you may not want to read the last one thus far.
baban78, huh? I like your ego.
Thats a great list. but I have to say... what the hell to #30
Thanks, a needed a belly laugh!
I would never have guessed there could be soooo many! Thought I'd had a lot of "activity" in my 20s, 30s, but "puking on a female cop's shoes" won't ever be a moment I'll have to remember! But, yes, as with some others (#30) would Never have been able to come up with these truly awkward moments! FUN HUB!
They say the best stories come from experience! *smiles*, as for the women cop. I think she felt sorry for me. She had my friend drive me home instead of arresting me. Thank God ehh?
I think I am the awkward walker. Life can be too much fun at times.
How about pooping somewhere when people can hear you and you accidentally let loose with some wicked gas thay you know the whole house heard.
I have to plead guilty to a couple. Still I have had planty of time to do them. Will I have enough time to do any more?
Did blow cigar smoke in policeman's face as he wrote me a speeding ticket. He was not impressed, nor was Val. Everybody believed I was endeavouring to commence WW3
Now that is some funny sh** right there Marmalade. If only I had enough balls to do that. :)
Elevator rides with colleagues who you have seen a million times but never spoken to. Do you speak or not? Always awkward for me.
How could I have forgotten that one liamp? Now that is an awkward moment. Next time, turn to one of them, grin just a smidge and say "sup", do a little hand wave, curtsy if possible. I bet you'll talk. Might be a little awkward for you to do however.
Thanks for the reply.
Getting caught by someone in another car as you pick your nose while stuck in traffic. The finger was there, it's clear what you were doing, but the car with the person who caught you isn't going away. You creep along next to them at 5 MPH for the next ten miles.
Calling your second wife by your ex-wife's name. Calling either of your wives by your sister's name, or vice-versa.
For men: Sitting in a chair at a certain angle, wearing shorts and boxers, accidentally exposing frank &/or beans.
Foamysquirl, your hillarious!
Usually I get along well with little kids and babies. But sometimes...Having someone else's children start to cry, howl, etc. just a little bit after their parents asked me to look after them for a few minutes. I feel like the mom and dad think I was abusing them or letting them play in traffic.
A fellow college student asked if he could sit next to me at a play. I teased him and said, "No, your parents don't pay me enough to be your friend." He teared up and told me it was the first anniversary of his parents' death in a car crash. He spent the rest of the night loudly bawling his head off in grief a few rooms down from my dorm room. Seeing him after that = awkward.
OMG! LMAO. I did something similar to a teacher I had in high school. She had a wicked zit on her chin. I didn't think much of it but I called it out pretty loud in class. Oh, I felt bad. I made one of my favorite teachers cry.
Yeah, I hate when little kids cry when you are watching them and it sounds like your beating the bloody hell out of them. That is an awkward feeling.
Anyone know that person to whom you've been introduced multiple times but whose name you keep forgetting? It's awkward to say for the fifth time, "Hello...Margaret?" It's even more awkward after the person replies, "I've told you before, my name's Richard."
Being told, "Hey dude, my eyes are up here." Thankfully, this hasn't happened to me, but I feel awkward by association.
Yip, been on both ends of the name game. LOL. Been on both ends of the boob thing too. LOL.
I mean I have been caught staring at gigantic boobies too.
OK, OK, this is the last one...this happens all the fricking time! I wash my hands after using the public restroom, turn the water on too hard, and get back-splash on my pants. Then I go back out into the restaurant or store looking like Peemeister McSprinkles.
Ok, this is gross but hey... I have this friend who was working in a surf shop one summer. He must have eaten something bad. So this one morning I am at home getting ready to go down to the beach when I get this phone call.
It's my friend asking me if I could pick up some shorts for him. Of course as cruel as I can be, I say, "no". He gets a little irritated with my shinanigans, and tells me I have to.
So of course I take the opportunity to ask why? So, after a few awkward moments on his part, he tells me I can't tell anyone about it. I say, Oh, you know I wont tell.
Being the dork he is, he told me. He had eaten something not so good from a burrito shop across the street and when he bent over, he squirted and didn't have any spare shorts and he was wearing his wet suit.
I said, "hell no!" As I laughed my happy ass over the phone to tell my friends about it. Of course I brought him some shorts, but when I got there he was pretty angry at me. I said, what's up?
He was pretty mad that I told everyone about what happened. And I said, " you the idiot who called me, as if I wouldn't tell."
very very funny!
Very funny, great hub.
I used to work with a woman who to be brutally honest had a beard. It wasn't a few whiffs of hair, it was a stubley goatee. I was working one weekend in the office and she was there with a few others and they all invited me to join them for lunch at a pizza resturant. I end up sat opposite to said women who also was quite overweight. Her pizza arrived first and she hacked into it immediately like it was hand-to-hand combat. After the first attack on her meal to raised her head to talk with the rest of us who were still waiting for out food and a strand of cheese about four inches long was hanging from her chin whiskers. She didn't notice and no one else was saying anything. Just how do you tell a woman there is a strand of cheese having off their beard? I should of said something but I just couldn't bring myself to say the words and it took about five minutes of toe cringingly 'don't look/must look' time for gravity to take effect.
Lol nice hub.
OMG all of this is too funny but so true!
One of the greatest funniests lists evre. About a third of them have already happened to me. With my luck, all i need to do is wait for a couple more years to pass and life events to occur before i catch up to you!
well, keep a roll of toilet paper with you at all time! This is the key to lifes most awkward moments. hahahahahahah.
Funny hub!
Here is one for you. You have a friend who is living with you. He has his own room. Good thing! Anyway, you are with your son, around mindnight, sitting in the living room. There are french doors that lead to a huge giant step to the ground (no proch ever built there). Now you have the scene.
You are sittng there. Out flies a gilr. No pants on. She heads for the french doors. We scream "Don't go out there, no steps!" CLUNK" Friend runs out. She has disappeared! Run off!!! Don't know where! (We lived in the woods)
Awkward moment with your teenage son there!!
This is hilarious. Did you actually go through all these experiences? Must say you are a funny woman, first the bit abt sex with god and then this amazing list. If there ever was a noble prize for funny blogs,you would win hands down for this hub. Waiting for the next part..
haha, thanks. I actually have experienced 99% of these. I have no shame! LOL. The other 1% was in observation or from friends.
My next act is to go to the grocery store, I am going to cut in front of a person with a couple of items and start unloading my buggy full of groceries. Then after I get smacked, punched or bitched out, I am gonna say: "you've been faked."
LOL, no camera. hahahaha
You are getting dangerous ;)
I pounded a girl in Sears dressing room at the mall once. We had just met moments before at the pretzel shop not 50 yards away from the scene of the crime. We decided to go into the girls dressing room. I went to town on her, and I was very close to finishing my disastrous deed, when all of the sudden, a mom and a young daughter come in. Before I had time to react, I pulled out to unleashed a wrathful load all over the mirror behind the girl. My eyes locked with the mothers eyes for a moment, then I looked down to see that the mother was covering her daughters eyes. She stood there staring at me for what seemed like forever with her jaw dropped. The silence was suddenly broken by the female I was with screaming at the top of her lungs. The mother closed the door and I looked at the girl to notice she pissed herself out of fear. Once all was said and done, I was the one that had to scrub the piss off the carpet, clean the man chowder off the mirror, and right a bunch of appology letters...
well now that is definitely brutal, not sure if it is honest, and it is definitely a moment. Sick, nasty, yet erotic. Joking. Really??? I don't believe you but ok. :)
sandra you amazed me once again babe!! don't know how you always do it but... well anyways an awkward moment for me would have to be (sorry about this sandra) i was having fun with this girl named jessica and she whispered in my ear "baby whats my name?" and of course we met at a party so i didn't remember thanks to my friend jack and i sat there still doing my business and... u know
talk about awkward!!
Haha, that story is great! I hate when you wave to someone and they don't see you. That's the worst. Thanks for the laughs :)
Great Hub! I just wrote one yesterday that deals with some pretty embarrasing moments. http://hubpages.com/hub/Toilet-Talk-by-Adam-B
Also, I have not knocked myself out from a car door but I did slam my head in the door as I got in my car a while back. I split my ear open and it hurt like F**K!!! I was so pissed off and upset I wanted to run around screming and yell at someone. But it was me who was at fault.
Thanks Adam, funny how those things happen. :)
I think,one of these stories is a little more than R-Rated more like X -Rated ! Oil Well that ends well.
Hope your daughter can't read yet!
some great ones there, makes for a funny read.
Bumping into a friend you haven't seen in a long while in the supermarket and asking when the baby is due and she replies"I'm not pregnant" (just fat!!)
ahaha this was entertaining
Just this weekend, on father's day, my wife and I stopped at costco to make a phone call on our way home from an overnight trip that we had taken, to see if we were still meeting the family for lunch. She dialed her grandpa's number, but forgot to press 9 before dialing, and got electronics. All happy, she sings out "HI Grandpa!" and the guy on the other end goes "This is George from elctronics, you need to dial 9 to call out. Tell your grandpa happy father's day for me!" and hangs up. You should have seen the look on my wife's face! I didn't know Asian girls could turn quite that shade of red.
hahaha, yeah just the other day i decided that I would send a dirty message to my bf using voice texting... well I accidentally sent it to my mom. Don't know how that happened. Anyways, the next day she called me asking if there was an emergency because she couldn't understand it very well. So I played it off as if I had no idea what she was talking about.
tjmum says:
14 months ago
You could have included the toilet that wont flush in someone else's house, especially when you have had a number 2!