Bullying Have you ever been a victim of bullying when you were going to school? Were you a bully yourself?

Unfortunately, everyday school kids all around the country are exposed to this problem. Studies show that bullying starts as early as kindergarten.

It Is A Serious Issue

If schools shootings and physical violence aren't enough for people to take bullying seriously, then what is? Thousands of kids who are bullied don't end up doing horrible things to others, but, as you will see at the end of this article, many kids resort to fatally punishing themselves while others have to deal with broken self-esteem and a sense of loss of dignity, sometimes for years.

When Bullying Turns Into Crime

The line is usually crossed when verbal taunts turn into physical assault and humiliation that goes beyond a push or shove and place the kid being bullied in a position of being deprecated from self-respect, many times in the presence of other kids.

When forcible physical abuse and humiliation occurs, it's typically translated as "hazing", which is illegal.

Utah Law

The Justice Department says 1 out of every 4 kids will be abused by another youth. 76-5-107.5. Prohibition of "hazing" -- Definitions -- Penalties "... (iv) involves any activity that would subject the individual to extreme mental stress, such as sleep deprivation, extended isolation from social contact, or conduct that subjects another to extreme embarrassment, shame, or humiliation;..." Source: http://www.stophazing.org/laws/ut_law.htm

Bullying goes beyond school boundaries

Bullying can even take place in churches (happened in my family) or wherever you have a crowd of young children or teens. Churches? Yes. Worst things than bullying have originated from within the walls of or in association with churches. Want proof? Google it. Crazy, isn't it?

Who'd ever expect bullying to take place in a church setting? Well, unfortunately it does. Bullies typically don't care much about living their religion so if you find one attending church it's usually because of a) hypocrisy, b) because parents force him to be there, c) for socializing or d) to have easy access to kids her or she can bully!

Indifference And Apathy

The following can be heart-breaking for kids and their families: 1) The bully's parents, clergy and youth leaders who don't take positive action or worse, see nothing wrong with, live in denial of or even defend a bully's behavior problems. "Boys will be boys" is no longer an excuse! 2) Youth leaders who seem to find all sorts of excuses or refuse to acknowledge that some kids are actually bullying and harming other kids under their supervision. 3) People who pretend nothing happened, ignoring what happened or, in some cases, even denying victims' rights to emotional and spiritual support. 4) Suggesting that nothing can be done so they do exactly that, nothing. 5) Fear of offending neighbors or relatives by going against the bully's behavior.

Lack Of Action Is The Same As Condoning Bullying

Everybody has a strong position against evil doers, right? Well, not quite. That's just not true anymore. There are a few spineless people out there who do nothing when faced with injustices and evil. Unbelievably, there are those who actually side with criminals, bullies, law-breakers and wrong-doers. Examples would be beyond the scope of this article.

As ridiculous as this may sound to you, some people even go to the extent of excusing bad behavior. The "boys will be boys" or "It was just a prank..." or "not that big deal..." or "overblown out of proportion...", "be more compassion, he's just being a kid!..." thus minimizing the seriousness of bullying and its effect on those who have become victims. The victim is oftentimes ignored while people invest time and effort trying to reform the bully.

Some Kids Can Cope Well

Other times, the victim of bullying can effectively cope better with his or her experience and realize the stupidity of the act and behavior of perpetrators and those who see nothing wrong with them. Parental support is critical here. It's important to remind your kid of his or her great qualities and perhaps point out that the reasons why for being picked on is usually because of the good qualities a kid possesses which the bully knows he or she will likely never have. Jealousy causes bullying. Many kids misinterpret things and think that they're being bullied because there is something wrong with them. Assure your kid that this is simply not true!

Bullies are typically trying to assert themselves at the expense of others. By hurting other kids feelings a bully is trying to make them as miserable as himself. Kids who can cope better usually move on and realize that the world they live in is subject to having maladjusted individuals who can and will cause harm to other people.

Some Kids Have A Hard Time

Some kids have difficulties dealing with the gradual deterioration of their self-esteem caused by bullies. Those who are already facing emotional and psychological challenges, when bullied, can take desperate measures to alleviate the pain they feel inside.

Workplace Bullies

Not even adults aren't immune to bullies. They grow up and get jobs and continue to annoy people. For example, instead of causing physical harm, a workplace bully can make a co-worker's life miserable. Who has experienced this at one time or another during their careers?

The bully will often criticize your performance even though you've done a good job. He can intimidate you when he's placed in a position of power. He can attempt to get you fired or give a well-deserved promotion to someone else just to upset you.

He can even sabotage your work to get you in trouble and use mean words during performance reviews. He's always keeping an eye on you to see if you make any mistakes so that he can quickly point it out to you or your boss. Chances are this type of person was a school bully. His tactics have changed and he now uses them in the workplace.

Dealing "Assertively" With A Bully

1. If your child is facing a bully, teach him or her to be assertive, confident and most important, to avoid getting into a fight.

2. Teach him or her how to ignore and avoid the bully altogether. Sometimes this is difficult to do because bullies tend to follow their victims around. If that's the case, you will need competent intervention.

3. Don't let your kid be a loner or walk to and from school alone. Help him or her make as many 'good' friends as possible. It's worth the effort.

4. If everything fails, ask for legal assistance. Authorities take bullying very seriously now, especially when you have a solid case and good evidence. For further reading and expert advice, we recommend a publication by Kathy Noll & Dr. Jay Carter, entitled "Taking the Bully by the Horns" http://kathynoll.wordpress.com/

A Religious Point Of View

The Bible clearly states that there are good and bad people in this world. Watching and reading the daily news provides us with enough of evidence of this concept. So does history and current events around the world. Chances are you've told your kids "Don't' talk to strangers", right?

Basically, you were confirming what I just stated. You're saying:" There are wicked people out there and I don't you anywhere near one!" So it's important that we ourselves don't become evil. We should teach our children to be good and do good to others. Not to be mean. Not to tease. Not to hurt others or any living things. Not to cause pain or hurt people's feelings.

Everyone loses when society is filled with angry people who become evil, people who are indifferent to victims of evil and people who just plainly don't care. Christ wasn't protective of those who harm children.

The Bible is very clear about Jesus's position. Matthew 18:5-7:5.

5.And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

6. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

7. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

So, those who don't side with the victims and their families and support them, might as well embrace the Devil and his followers because the Devil loves his own. Bullies need help, but please, always prioritize the victims!

There Is Hope For The Bully

I realize I've just painted the bully as an evil and wicked being. But a bully can change. His self-esteem can be enhanced or restored. Parents need to pay attention to the things that cause or may have caused a child to become a bully in the first place.

Ironically, a bully could have become that way as a result of being bullied. Sometimes, love and counseling can help a bully change his ways. After all, nobody is perfect. Everyone can change if they put forth the effort and find support from others who truly care about them. It's wise to change before hitting a point of no return.

Bullies should be separated from friends and others who might actually encourage the behavior "just for fun". If a bully enjoys the attention he gets from his peers, he may continue the bad behavior. Eliminate the source of the problem at the root. Ever seen a street fight where the crowd actually encourages the fighting instead of breaking it up?

Show him that his future may be at risk he or she continues to exhibit bad behavior. When they're over 18, they can be held legally accountable for actions that affect the well-being of others around them. If the bully still doesn't care or doesn't want to change, it's a serious challenge that requires professional help! In a perfect world, everyone would be nice and treat everyone else with respect, even among kids, teens and adults. If you have been a victim of bullying and you're young, remember, you can overcome what's been done to you.

I have.

P.S. - This article is not meant to provide any professional advice. Just my personal opinion and my experience with the issue. If your child is facing serious bullying at school, please seek appropriate help or seek the advice of professionals who are especially trained to provide guidance to you and your child..