Character Education: A Hugely Important Part of Parenting

by Irene Helen Zundel

We all know kids who make us remark, “You sure are a character!” But how many times do we comment that a child has character? Not too often, I am afraid.

Schools incorporate character education into their curriculums. Churches, youth sports organizations and summer camps try to instill certain virtues in kids as well. But the truth is, waiting for those institutions to teach the values that lead to the formation of good character, is starting way too late!

According to experts, a child’s personality is evident by age three, and his character has been formed, for the most part, by the age of seven. The biggest influence in the life of an impressionable child is his nuclear and extended family. It is Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, siblings and cousins that teach a child about how to play fair, tell the truth, be responsible, and how to follow “the rules.” What is learned at home carries over into school and community, and later on into the workplace and beyond.

What every parent needs to ask is not, “What do I want my child to be when he/she grows up?” but “What do I want my child to BE LIKE when he or she is grown?” Do you think self-reliance is a good attribute? Honesty? Compassion? Tolerance? Trustworthiness?

Make a list of things to teach and model. Ask others that are influential in your child’s life to be sure to teach and model the same things. Consistency is important! Children observe what you do with a keen eye and imitate what they SEE, far more often than what they hear you say.

Don’t expect a child not to steal, when you regularly stockpile your home office with supplies you lifted from your employer. Don’t cheat on your taxes and then rail at your kids for cheating on an exam. Don’t make excuses for Grandpa and laugh at the raunchy jokes he tells in front of the kids. Ask Grandpa politely and firmly to clean up his act when he comes to visit. Set the example for them to learn from.

Here are six areas that you might want to include in your own character education program. They came from the website http://www.charactercounts.org.

Trustworthiness

Be honest • Don’t deceive, cheat or steal • Be reliable — do what you say you’ll do • Have the courage to do the right thing • Build a good reputation • Be loyal — stand by your family, friends and country

Respect

Treat others with respect; follow the Golden Rule • Be tolerant of differences • Use good manners, not bad language • Be considerate of the feelings of others • Don’t threaten, hit or hurt anyone • Deal peacefully with anger, insults and disagreements

Responsibility

Do what you are supposed to do • Persevere: keep on trying! • Always do your best • Use self-control • Be self-disciplined • Think before you act — consider the consequences • Be accountable for your choices

Fairness

Play by the rules • Take turns and share • Be open-minded; listen to others • Don’t take advantage of others • Don’t blame others carelessly

Caring

Be kind • Be compassionate and show you care • Express gratitude • Forgive others • Help people in need

Citizenship

Do your share to make your school and community better • Cooperate • Stay informed; vote • Be a good neighbor • Obey laws and rules • Respect authority • Protect the environment

Use lots of praise and encouragement with your kids. Catch them doing something right and point it out to them. Try saying:

I noticed at your birthday party all the girls were calling Ashley names and teasing her, but you didn’t join in. In fact, you told everyone to leave her alone. Being compassionate and loyal to a friend are very good things to be. I was very proud to see you acting like that.

With small children, don’t use big words or concepts, just reinforce positive behaviors. You can introduce the vocabulary and ideas later on, when it is developmentally appropriate. For example:

When your toddler puts away his toys in the right place in his room, clap and cheer and say, “You did a great job! Thanks for picking up your blocks.” When he is older say, “I like when you pick up your toys. It is always good to take good care of your things.” At an even older age, you can introduce the concept of being responsible, or that things cost money and should be treated with respect. Then you can extend the concept to include how you treat things that belong to other people etc.

Use real life to teach lessons. Engage your children in discussions of what is right and wrong, or how consequences follow actions. Ask, “What would you do if....” Give them lots of practice evaluating situations. Let them try to figure out their own solutions. For example, your son says:

“I lost Danny’s baseball, and now he won’t come over any more. He’s being stupid.”

Try to get him to empathize with his friend’s feelings and come up with a way to set things right. Could he apologize? Buy him a new ball? What should he do and why should he do it? What might happen if he does nothing?

When your child makes a choice and acts on it, reinforce his behavior with praise and recognition, such as,

“I’m glad you bought Danny a baseball with your allowance. You saved a friendship, and you took responsibility for losing something he was nice enough to lend you. I am proud of what you did.”

Let's face it. Doing good and being recognized for it builds self-esteem and increases motivation. Being praised for hard work or honesty will bring more of that behavior down the road. Deeds often repeated, become lifelong habits. Concepts reinforced often, become lifelong attitudes.

Children love and admire their parents. They have a built in desire to want to please them. Take advantage of those qualities, parents, and instill in them the attitudes and habits that build strong character.

If you need some ideas to get you started, try these websites:

CharacterEd.net

Find interactive lessons, scrapbooks, networking tools, activities and resources designed to integrate character education in schools.

http://www.charactered.net

Character Education for K-6 Children

Award-winning life skills, character education, health & drug prevention resources for K-6 teachers and parents. Lesson plans, free email, free newsletter, school assembly programs and more.

http://www.lifeskills4kids.com

Meet Snickerdoodle ® - Tall Tale Hero

Snickerdoodle ®, a little character with a little "character" - a nonviolent superhero who solves problems with humor. Free lesson plans.

http://www.snickerdoodleforkids.com

Character Education - Make Your School Safer

Creative Spirit's character education programs train educators and students to manage aggressive behaviors, build self-esteem, resolve conflicts, encourage diversity tolerance, practice core values and promote character education.

http://www.joyinlearning.com/

Teaching Values and Character Education

Extensive sources on the web for parents and teachers involved with character education for children. We use universal principles and storytelling for accelerated learning.

http://www.teachingvalues.com

WiseSkills

Find out about the character-building skills program. Provides sample materials, a list of resources and a collection of related links.

http://www.wiseskills.com/

or get these books:

The Soul of Education: Helping Students Find Connection, Compassion, and Character at School

by Rachael Kessler (Paperback - April 2000)

Core Virtues : A Literature-Based Program in Character Education

by Mary Beth Klee (Paperback)

The Moral of the Story: Folktales for Character Development

by Bobby Norfolk, Sherry Norfolk (Hardcover - May 1999)

Piercing Proverbs (Wise Words for Today's Teens)

by Melody Carlson (Paperback)

Character Building Activities for Kids : Ready-to-Use Character Education Lessons & Activities for the Elementary Grades

by Darlene Mannix (Author) (Spiral-bound - November 2001)