COMPLIMENTS: Medicine and Magic for the Soul
66A Personal Kind of Hug
Compliments are like spoken or written hugs; they make us feel good, they make us feel special. Each of us has at least one segment of our life where compliments are especially appreciated. Being a Mom. Or Dad. Our families. Writing. The value of our work. Our bodies. Fashion. Philosophy. Religion. Home. Living by example.
Compliments, or the lack thereof, came up several times this last week in Coaching Sessions. Although each of my clients has received many compliments in their lives, what they seemed to focus on most were the negative comments, attacks, unfair judgments, dishonest opinions . Sadly, and unconsciously, they too became more fluent in derogatory discourse.
We shifted focus to positive compliments, those previously received. The real ones. The valid ones. Not the insincere or flaky or brown-nose ones. The good juicy ones that had a profound impact on both the giver and receiver; the ones that still put a smile on our faces years later. The ones that still reverberate in the soul.
One that still holds magic for me is, "You have the body of a thoroughbred." I am not a vain person but that short sentence struck a cord somewhere deep inside me. My husband and I were in a friend's hot tub with a group of visitors from abroad. The hot tub, the visitors, the friend, and the husband are long gone, but every now and then when I slip into a bikini I remember those words and smile inside.
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My Nature:
"The world would be a better place if more people were like you." (I met someone just like me once and I was bored to tears!)
"You are too gentle to live among wolves." (From Shakespeare)
"You hold this community together."
You have the patience of a saint and the imagination to solve problems like Michelangelo and DiVinci combined.
What you see is what you get; you are the most authentic person I know. (I try)
"You possess a photographic memory." (Nice thought, but no)
"In my next life, I am going to be your dog. You treat all your rescued animals better than most people treat their children." (That is true)
Your home is like a museum where anyone would still be comfortable putting their feet up on the coffee table.
Categories of Compliments
As I was writing this piece I realized many of my compliments fell into the categories that mean the most to me: Spiritual practice. My nature and personal philosophy.
Spiritual practice:
"You are a Bodhisattva Warrior."
"The Angel Brigade would be pleased to have you lead them."
"Among the Light Workers, you are the most radiant."
"You have one foot firmly grounded and one foot dancing in heaven just like an Earth Angel."
"May I call you Reverend Grace?"
"When I think of love, I hear your name, I see your face."
"Meditation and sanity become you."
My Philosophy:
"You have wisdom beyond your years." (I was 18)
"Will you head our conglomerate?" (I was 19)
"Will you run the family empire?" (I was 28)
"Thank you for being an independent thinker that cannot be bought or easily mislead." (I was 30)
"You are everything a woman is meant to be." (I was 35)
"You saved my life, and the life of my entire family, with your Life Skills Coaching." (I was 48)
"I have never met anyone who thinks like you." (All my life)
Nicknames as compliments:
Nicknames can be a form of compliment. When I was a little girl my daddy called me "Chocolate Kisses." Or he did until my mother put on fifty pounds and it wasn‘t so cute anymore. Lovers often give us unique nicknames as a sign of affection. Friends have called me Earth Angel, Golden One and White Bird for years.
Even negative sounding nicknames can be backhanded compliments. My favorites: Ice Maiden (because I never slept with my clients) Dragon Lady (because the words I spoke could both warm and burn) and Fang (because I wouldn't give up once I had my teeth in a project).
The BEST compliments I ever received:
The most magical and medicinal compliments that still have the power to raise my soul no matter how depleted I may feel:
"If I die I want you to marry my beloved soul mate and raise my precious children."
"I would lay down my life to save yours so the world may know your heart a bit longer."
Each was said by unrelated people on several occasions. Both still take my breath away.
Give AND Receive Generously
Be generous and genuine with the compliments you pay to others. Give them often. Appreciation is a miraculous tonic for the person who sips of them AND the person who pours them generously. The compliments you give today may still be magic and medicine in the heart of someone who draws on them years from now.
Even a bit big-headed
By the end of the week my clients had compiled their lists. I had compiled mine. I must say, we ALL felt a lot better about ourselves! (Even a bit big-headed!) Give it a try! It's a lovely thing to review on a gray day!
Received or given, what was your most meaningful compliment??
I would love to hear about the compliments you have given and have received! If you like Hubs with a positive note, please consider a "thumbs up" and a comment below! Blessings Always, Earth Angel!
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Comments
Hi Earthangel.
This is very good information, Compliments don't cost a penny and as you say can be like medicine...
I have to say you always seem to write from your heart:)
Thanks Jormins for the nice comments!! In this Season of giving, heartfelt compliments can be the greatest gift!! Blessings on your day!! Earth Angel!!
Thank you Compu-Smart for the lovely compliment!! I may be slower at turning out the Hubs than most, but they do all come from my heart!! Warmest Blessings, Earth Angel!!
As we all know Earth Angel, quality comes before quantity! and thanks for your always warm blessings..:)
My compliments to you, Earth Angel. Personally, I find compliments hard to deal with. I feel much like my idol, Bing Crosby; as his wife has said, the late singer-actor would say "not bad" when he wanted to give high praise. The compliment I value most was offered a few years ago by a fellow golfer. "That's three times," he said, as I chipped into the 8th hole from off the green while playing nine holes at a golf course in Connecticut. Earlier I had chipped into the 4th hole and I had holed out a putt from off the green on the first hole. (And I'm not what you'd call a "good golfer.")
"Not bad," William, "not bad!!" Bing Crosby's high praise to you!! GREAT golfing story!! I come from a family of really good golfers and am the only one who does not hit the links on a regular basis!! Or at all!! I am, however, a wonderful caddy!! My father played golf five-six days a week the last 30 years of his life!! He was able to shoot his age right up until the day he died!! Do you still play?? Thanks again for the wonderful comments!! Blessings on your greens!! Earth Angel!!
Thank you, Earth Angel. Yes, I still play golf (I caddied throughout the '50s, or I should say I was a "bag carrier." In the last year or so I've almost exclusively played only nine holes. After nine holes the old body tires (maybe even before the 9th.) Years ago, when my daughter was dating a young fellow who (believe it or not) "majored" in golf at a midwestern university I offered her a bit of my personal philosophy: Anybody who plays golf can't be all bad!
I love this hub, very unique! And I'd love for someone to compliment my body whilst sitting in a hottub, lol! :))
Thanks Isabella!! I am sure there is a line of gentlemen just waiting to catch a glimpse of Ms. Naughty!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!
Earth Angel! What a Warm and Fuzzy HUB. I love it. You really said it really well that a great compliment can make someone day...or even change their life altogether... I knew this great Couple when we lived in British Columbia, both have been gone for some years now, but I will never forget them...(long time ago, my children and I had taken refuge from my X, at their home ) to understand why his was the best compliment ever you would have to have known these two...They were amazing they raised two children of their own had adopted five and fostered another seven... and helped numerous lame ducks like me along the way...They took us in and protected us. Wade told me on numerous occassions that if they ever needed someone to look after their Rugrats (that's what he called their children) I was the only one they could entrust them all to. I have tried to be the parent that Martha and Wade were. They were so down to earth, Martha and Wade had this night time ritual where they encouraged the children to say a good thing about each other before going to bed. I miss my extra set of parents...
Thanks EarthAngel for a Great HUB and the opportunity to praise that great couple again
regards Zsuzsy
Hey Angel, Great hub Really Informative
Blessings to you Zsuzsy, your family and your dear Martha and Wade!! Thank you for sharing your story!! Tears are running down my cheeks!! What a HUGE and profoundly life changing compliment they paid you!! Especially during such a difficult time!! (I have been stalked by an ex- so I relate!!) I am sure your parenting puts a smile on Martha and Wade's spirit faces every day!! I will keep you all in my daily prayers!! Thank you again for sharing!! Blessings always, Earth Angel!!
Hi Sukritha!! Thank you for the nice compliment!! It warms my day!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!
Wow, another great hub. How true are these words and you have certainly been blessed with many kind words.
Thank you Gwensgifts!! I appreciate the support and encouragement!! And I send many kind words your way!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!
Your comment about how we remember the insults more than the compliments reminds me of this passage from a favorite Jules Verne novel:
"We have seen what legions of admirers and friends Barbicane’s project had rallied round its author. There was, however, one single individual alone in all the States of the Union who protested against the attempt of the Gun Club. He attacked it furiously on every opportunity, and human nature is such that Barbicane felt more keenly the opposition of that one man than he did the applause of all the others. He was well aware of the motive of this antipathy, the origin of this solitary enmity, the cause of its personality and old standing, and in what rivalry of self-love it had its rise."
Jules Verne, "From the Earth to the Moon", ch. 10
I've read - and firmly believe - that many employees would be much happier in their jobs if they got a few more attaboys from their management. People like to know that they are appreciated. Unfortunately, our society is geared toward the negative: we are a people who are taught from infancy to solve problems. The corollary is that we also LOOK for them. It comes easier to us to find what's WRONG with somebody that what's RIGHT with them.
Your suggestion to make a list of compliments received is a very good one, that I will have to remember for myself and pass along to others when they are feeling down. Good medicine for the soul.
Thank you DocJim for the wonderful and indepth comments!! I LOVE the passage you selected from the Jules Verne novel!! Thank you!! I am sure that when you compile your own list of compliments, they will stretch from the Earth to the Moon!! Blessings, Earth Angel!! P.S. I also look forward to reading your Hubs!!
Thank you manoharv2001!! Glad you enjoyed it!! Blessings and Namaste'!! Earth Angel!!
Great hub, we need this more and more in our society, all the violence could be avoided if everyone complements and understands other genuinenly. Everyone are loud when they criticize but are silent when they have to praise, if they correct that then there will be peace around. Glad to know you here Earth Angel, keep up the good work. Cheers. :)
Thanks cgull8m!! Your compliments made my day!! Thanks so much for taking the time and interest!! You are soooooooo right about "loud to criticize and silent to praise!!" Thanks for including me!! Blessings and Namate' Earth Angel!!
How true it is that compliments are like medicine! It's an important point. This a great hub. :-)
Thank you so much WordPlay!! I appreciate the compliment!! Especially coming from you!! Thank you!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!
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jormins says:
11 months ago
I think you're right, people do underestimate the power of a compliment. One well timed compliment can easily change one's aspect of the day.