If 'climate' were a god in Calgary, it would be a confused, benevolent, weepy, happy, as well as violent god - all in the same day. The Greeks already have total dibs on the god, 'Chaos/Kaos,' so I won't go that far, but seriously - CALGARY WEATHER is simply confused.

Keep that in mind when you're planning on an outing over at The Calgary Stampede grounds. No, you won't be able to do anything at all about whatever weather you encounter, however, KNOWING that Calgary and Calgarians cannot be held responsible for freaky weather will help you laugh about the fact that you're standing in shorts in a foot of snow on, say, July 9th!

Pack LIGHTLY - but DO take a small carry-case or a hip-pouch that has very good straps - to hold any medications, wallets, etc that you might need. Make a really good inspection of your zippers, straps, pocket, buttons to make sure that when you fasten these things, they really close for sure. You do NOT want to be on the 'Roundabout' watching all your change go flying or on the infamous "Zipper" spinning upside down and wondering which way your ID cards are floating away from you.

If possible, take along a water bottle that has a carry case and strap. Yes, you can purchase water on-site, but if it does happen to be very hot while you're on the grounds or midway, you're going to have to drink A LOT of water. It is more affordable to have a good water bottle with carry case/strap that you can refill often.

Seriously, there will be NOTHING you can do about weather and crowds at The Stampede and large crowds will make you cranky, make the weather seem hotter if it's hot outside, more miserable if it rains, more traumatic if you get hailed on - so decide to pack lightly and be a survivor so that you don't get bogged down or stressed out.

The most important things to keep in mind will be the safety of your pocket items (wallet, meds, ID), making sure to drink water even if you don't 'become unreasonably thirsty,' and that's really all.

A lot of 'experts' will tell you to pack everything you need for the day blahblahblah. If you do that, you'll end up having to carry around a mountain pack, and you'll have a crappy day. You'll wear yourself out just from lugging along your luggage!

"THINK" about it...are you going there to make sure you are in comfort all day - or are you going to go and HAVE FUN!??

Naturally, you'll be taking about a bazillion dollars with you if you go, so you'll be able to purchase items that become absolute necessities for you to have.

* Note - there is a bigger HINT HERE in my saying DO NOT TAKE A LOT OF STUFF WITH YOU...

* More of a hint...what you don't have room to comfortably carry in a ridiculously large pack - will not be purchased or go in your pack. *Pssssst*

The best 'think ahead' hint: make an ABSOLUTELY VALID AND SOLID agreement with yourself or with your friends/family on amount of dollars IS THE LIMIT for spending...then stick to it!

Stampede in Calgary is much akin to Christmas worldwide - where people spend to much money and totally regret doing so later in the month of July (when the bills start rolling in for the next or present month).

DO NOT

I REPEAT

DO NOT

Eat the donuts on the midway.

They are very addictive and 2 little mini-donuts contain as many calories as 2 sumo wrestlers can eat in a week! Don't do it!

You know those emergency staff stations that are parked all over around the midway? Well - those are specially trained emergency staff to look after people who eat those darned donuts! When they take a person inside the 'van' or 'trailer' for treatment - it's not for medical treatment - it's to fit individuals for new clothing after they've been eating midway donuts! People who enter there finish blowing up in pounds - and they leave those trailers 4 sizes bigger, usually with a pant-leg cut off to provide more room for expanding bodies!

I've seen a gal go in there before and come out with cut off trousers - beware!

Chain stores like Safeway have flyers with coupons for various Calgary Stampede events, rides, etc. Stop in and check these out before you get to the grounds or midway.

Some stores sell ticket-packets, too, that are the actual ride tickets - so that you don't have to stand in crazy line-ups on-site at the midway.

Check the newspapers for coupons, check the newspapers for a special Stampede section that is always included for 10 days during July. There are often pull-out coupons and tickets - and there is always a schedule, including 'what day it is' at The Calgary Stampede.

Some days cater to families, some to teens, some to children. There is a FREE DAY as well for those who enter the midway gates during certain limited hours. Admission is free...the rides won't be free...but then, you'll have your Safeway (or other store) coupons and deals, right?

Eat something substantial before you get to the gounds or midway. You'll be less tempted to eat those donuts!

Really - midway and grounds food is quite expensive - tho' much of it is very tasty, if not addicting.

If you wish to stay in the Stampede spirit of things - check the newspapers before you go to the site and partake of a big Stampede breakfast! That way, you'll be ready for observing and interacting on the midway instead of chowing down and blowing 50 before you even see anything on-site.

Here's a tip *smirk*

Go have a HUGE Pancake breakfast - have 2nd, 3rd helpings...

Then head on down to the Stampede and make your first experience a ride on the ZIPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Just kidding - don't really do that - unless you take a bucket along!)

If you are completely family-oriented and in an abstinence-free environment most of the time, there are certain areas to avoid on the midway and grounds.

If you're a recovering addict of any kind, there are certain areas to avoid on the midway and grounds.

Regardless of keeping yourself out of the pub-like areas, you're still likely to run into a lot of 'party animals' so just keep this in mind. Drunk cowboys often get "breakfast" mixed up with "liquid-go-go-juice" and, frankly, 'cowboy events' at the Stampede are heavily sponsored by alcohol companies.

If booze annoys you or is actually a type of threat to you - go earlier in the day so that you can have a good time before pub-like areas open and people start celebrating. Also - try not to exit the site onto 'The Red Mile' once you're ready to leave. The Red Mile seems to be a huge extension of party-go-ers celebrating Stampede Week! Unless you have to exit onto or near to 17th AVE and The Red Mile, don't select this area for a leisurely stroll after experiencing the grounds and midway. This is not a great sight-seeing strolling area with a whole ton of family-oriented viewpoints!