Your Boyfriend's Ex is Pregnant Can He Love You
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Can your boyfriend be in love with you with a pregnant ex-girlfriend? The key word or prefix here is ex. The pregnant girlfriend is now his ex meaning that the relationship is over between your boyfriend and his past girlfriend.
You must realize that the relationship he had with that girlfriend is over and that he is now free to be in love with whoever he chooses. He chose to be in love with you. There is one circumstance that can not be altered or changed and that is the pregnant state of your boyfriend's ex girlfriend. It is noble of your boyfriend to let you know of his girlfriend's pregnancy.You will know of how responsible he is once the baby is born.
Your boyfriend has an obligation for the next eighteen years to take care of the baby unless his ex girlfriend marries. That means that your boyfriend has the freedom to love you but he is not free from being a father to the baby who is yet to be born. He is going to have to be in contact with the ex girlfriend for many years to come and the bond between them will always be the baby even if love for her if not involved.
The girlfriend is pregnant with his child, that means that the relationship has just been broken between him and his ex girlfriend. As a fact of nature, girls are hard pressed to let go of their feelings of love and emotion especially for the father of their child. The question should not be whether or not your boyfriend can love you with a pregnant ex girlfriend. The question should be are you able to love a boyfriend who is forever connected to his ex girlfriend who he must stay in touch with for many years to come to support the baby.
You are the only one who can answer this question. Are you strong enough in this new relationship with your boyfriend to trust him to visit his ex girl friend on visitation days and be content that there is nothing else going on between them. The two of them have a child together and even if they are part of a broken relationship, babies have a way of softening the father towards the mother. This advice is not to get you fearful of losing your new boyfriend but to let you know that you are now part of a complicated relationship.
Your boyfriend can love you just as he once loved his ex girlfriend in the past. The question is how strong are you? How strong are your conviction of love for him? How much do you trust him if you want a long term relationship knowing that he is connected to his ex girl friend with a baby? You are the one caught up in the middle of a father, a mother and a new baby. Only you can answer the aforementioned questions and only you can decide whether or not it is worth the drama to remain in the relationship.
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Comments
mroricle1973, thank you for your comment. Also you are much appreciated for sharing such a personal experience related to Can Your Boyfriend Love You with a Pregnant Ex Girlfriend. Nineteen is a young age to have a family but I see that you were up for the challenge if needed. Sorry to hear about the loss. From your story, it seemed that you eventually left both of your relationship partners.
I always appreciate a response from you on the relationship hubs. Also thanks for the compliment.
I like your skills.
Something I read in your profile meant alot -- you didn't get a "payout" from Google Adsense until May, and by calculations if I'm correct that meant you were doing all this for FOUR MONTHS before getting more then 3 cents?
I didn't want to work in the winter (I'm in Chicago and it's painful) and it's coming up and I was sweating not getting a payout. If someone like you didn't get one for four months, that tells me the wait wasn't due to content and it's possible I don't need to find tech support.
The best article you have is "How To Trap A Man Into Marriage". It's a real hub with meat in it, and completely specific to hubs. You wouldn't find that tidbit in most books, movies or TV shows (except "Coupling" on BBC) but ALL my friends' girlfriends did that to them. It took alot of guts to write, and made me feel better about some of my own blogs which discuss race in almost the same graphic we're-all-adults-here mode as you do sex. Since I'm admittingly a young white male with big blue eyes and blond hair and have written so many times, I lost alot of readers. Simply discussing race and racial inequalities when you're a white male spells racist even if you're the exact opposite like me. Meanwhile you figured out how to get the upside, the positive reaction, out of a very pro-female blog about sex. You found not only a niche but clearly know your audience. The yahoo people could learn a lesson from you. She posted a blog about the 5 types of men to avoid, they had to take it down because it got over 2,000 hate mail responses within 20 minutes due to #3 which was "Guys Who Live With Their Parents". That's pretty much 80% of the people who use the internet. Had they had your sense, they could have avoided alot of ugliness.
Hi Lindagoffigan, thankyou kindly for answering my question about this subject so thoroughly, and also in such an informed and easy to understand manner. I appreciate it very much. I agree with everything you've said, and your advice is priceless! Best wishes.
pgorner, thank you for your comment. Your remarks are well received.
I am fortunate to have found my niche on Hubpages which is providing advice to readers who may be having a problem in their relationships. Your take on the hubpage article, "How to Trap a Man into Marriage is detailed and well written.
I am not so concerned with the payout as I have been able to help many who needs help with their relationships which are intricate part of everyone's life. I posted the payoff date as an accolade and also to let writer's, like you, know that if you concentrate on providing quality and relevant content, the earnings will eventually come.
I am glad that you and others have learned that the major factor in writing is not so much about the revenue but more about your purpose for writing. Your comments and remarks are much appreciated.
Very well written hub, It would take a strong women with no problems with self esteem etc. to deal with this situation. True, it is a good test run to see how he is going to be as father. Women have to understand that the child is most important. JUst hope you don't have a guy with an ex who is a drama queen!
dori
stricktly dating, thank you for your comment.
fortunerep, thank you for your comment.
I'm currently in this situation. My boyfriend's ex is pregnant with his baby, and we found out 6 weeks into our relationship that she was almost 9 weeks. She has about 4 months to go, and I've been an emotional wreck for a while but here's what we're doing to work it out.
1. COMMUNICATION - anytime I have any sort of insecurity, I let him know. I tell him exactly what I'm feeling, ask him what he thinks, then we find a way to let go of the insecurities.
2. Reaching out to him and the mother - in this case, my boyfriend and the mother of his child were not dating at the time of conception, and had not been dating for a good 3 months. They are still friends and are trying to work through this cordially (which is great). I have not met his ex yet, but this Christmas I will be making her a present for the baby along with my boyfriends present... just a little token to say "hey, I'm not here to take your place as a mother, but I will definitely love and care for you child and be behind my boyfriend through this"
3. Scheduling. Right now I see my boyfriend every day for at least 4-5 hours. As soon as his daughter is born, he will be with her most of the time (as he should). This is going to be incredibly difficult on us, so we're working on a sort of "schedule" so I know when I will get to see him, and then I won't freak out on him.
I hope this is helpful to anyone. Yes, this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life, but I love my boyfriend very much and know that he is worth it.
Schnitzle, thank you for sharing.
I am grateful that you have a plan on how to handle the situation of the birth of the baby of your boyfriend's. Communication and allowing your boyfriend to share equally in the baby's life must have been a tough decision and it is great that you have come to terms with sharing him with the new baby. I am hopeful that financial arrangements have been made as a part of his responsibility to the mother of the caring for his new child.
You sound like a take charge person who manages obtacles that is pleasing to all parties concerned. However, be careful that your reaching out to the child is viewed more of his responsibilty than yours.
You are in a position of understanding what the presence of a new baby in the relationship will mean to the time that he spends with you. The baby was procreated between your boyfriend and his girlfriend, your position is basically to stay happy in the relationship with your boyfriend and what he has brought you to deal with.
I am sure that you may have issues that he may have to deal with as well. His issues is in the forefront and at this stage should be his responsibility.
You are kind to make Christmast gifts for the baby but the baby has no relationship to you because you are not married to your boyfriend. I will be careful to let you boyfriend know that you still love him because the relationship with his old girlfriend has been over for about three months. Howver, I would let him attend to the baby business without too much intervention. You seem to be right on with how you plan to handle the new baby.
These are considerations for you to ponder as you carry out your plan of your boyfriend's new baby and how the event may change your relationship.
wow well i am going through this as well. GOSH has it been hard. His ex is a physco woman and she is still obsessed i love him so much but this has been too tough he sees his baby every time and at first i was like okay its fine its his baby but now its tough. I have so many insecuirites because he doesnt call like he used too and he dissapears days and i find pictures of both of them with the baby and it just hurts me too much. I have decided to let him go. I may suggest to every girl going through this that make sure he does feel soemthing for you. i definetly dont know what to do this is so hard for me.
Silenttear, thank you for your comment. I have emphathy for what you are going through to actually see pictures of your now ex with the child and the mother. You have made the right decision to let him go and time will make ending the relationship easier on you.
Do not internalize what you are going through. Get the support of friends and family and do not put your life on hold.
Thank you for sharing what you are going through with a boyfriend whose ex girlfriend had his child.
mroricle1973 says:
5 weeks ago
Wow... that is a tough one. I was in this situation when I was 19. Young and crazy. It was tough at first, but as time went on it became much easier. What was even more horrible is that the baby was stillborn. That hurt a lot at the time beause I thought I was ready to be a father... Maybe God didn't think I was... I still occasionally talk to both of them thru Facebook every now and then. I live in VA Beach and they are still back in Buffalo. The strange part is their daughter's attend the same dance class. I'm sure that has to be awkward.
Nice hub