Dating: Can You Be Too Picky?
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Develop the "call 'em like I see 'em" superpower!
I am picky. It doesn't matter what it is, shoes, outfits, movies, television shows...choices always present a major challenge for me. Dating guys? Well, I'm probably one of the pickiest girls in the world. Don't believe me? It has been said that I just might be the female version of Jerry Seinfeld. I've had two serious relationships (longest lasting 4 months) and only dated 10 guys. I'm picky. Why is this? I have many close (straight) male friends. Furthermore, is being picky when it comes to dating a bad thing? Not necessarily!
I am so picky when it comes to dating because I know how guys are. Let me explain. I love my guy friends. I really do. They are like brothers to me and can do no wrong. However, I caught myself playfully scolding them this weekend, stating that they are "sooooooo sketchy". To the outside eye, they are absolutely not, but I know how they joke around and what they think about the girls that they pursue. They are articulate, graduates of prestigious colleges and have fantastic jobs....good catches, right? I'm not so sure. I know how they are and I'd never date any of them after knowing what I know. Mostly, I am very thankful for having such close platonic relationships with guys. I know how they operate, I know how they think and this gives me the upper hand when it comes to dating. I can analyze almost any guy that approaches me and know whether or not I want to date him immediately.
For the ladies out there that have no close (straight) guy friends, please try it. Your dating life will change, for the better, I promise! You absolutely should secure one or two close guy friends (not ex-boyfriends, for obvious reasons). You will gain a wonderful perspective as to how guys view women (i.e. are they too clingy, too sweet, too obnoxious, etc). I believe these "insider" topics will help you out when you meet a guy that you really do like. I know that guys get intimidated when girls are too clingy and yes, we do this when we really like a guy. So many times I have seen girls that are so naive and have no clue what most guys are really like and what they truly think.
In closing, I'll be the first to admit that I am really picky when it comes to dating, but I've also not had as many awful dating experiences like so many girls I know. I've shied away from potentially toxic men because of my insights learned from my male friends. Yes, I've had my share of mistakes, but I'm not as naive as most girls out there.
Take my advice. Develop some close, platonic relationships with a few guys in your life and you'll quickly develop analytical skills for the next time that cute guy asks you out. Is he worth it and does he respect you? Chances are, you'll be able to "call 'em like I see 'em" and that, my friends, is never a bad thing. You deserve that insight! I consider it a superpower.
Further reading and dating tips!
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Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus
Price: $12.00
List Price: $18.00 |
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Waiting and Dating: A Sensible Guide to a Fulfilling Love Relationship
Price: $6.68
List Price: $14.99 |
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Conscious Dating for Relationship Success: How to Find the Love of Your Life, AND the Life That You Love
Price: $7.39
List Price: $9.95 |
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Life, Love and Online Dating
Price: $0.99
List Price: $0.99 |
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Comments
Another good hub :)
My personal opinion is that yes, sometimes women can be too picky, to the extent that they never allow themselves to grow and learn how to deal with the 'less than perfect' man. There is no such thing as perfect.
Ok, so the guy has less than stellar fashion sense. That's not to say he isn't a nice person. Or, he's not the best housekeeper in the world, but it doesn't make him a total slob. Perhaps he feels about you in a way you don't feel about him, it doesn't mean he wouldn't make the best friend in the world.
Getting to know someone takes time, and yes sometimes patience. People need to look beyond the cover. It's all about communication and compromise. There are things that need to be overlooked because in the big picture, it doesn't matter. Get to know someone first before judging based on outer appearances and outer behavior. The guy who is a clown around his friends may be the most caring, sensitive guy you'll ever meet. One just never knows :)
I am not suggesting that you shouldn't have your own guidelines and opinions about what you will accept or tolerate. Those are fine, but they shouldn't be extreme.
Thanks for sharing!
I kinda took you for being picky, can tell sometimes just by a photo. Jeeez I really am good at judging people, or am I ? Anyways that was a good read.
ahaha. The only reason why I'm so picky is at the fault of my guy friends! Seriously haha. If I didn't know how the average guy operates, I'd date a lot more guys. Sometimes I think that ignorance is bliss!
I draw the line at women with hair on their ears. Many times I have drawn the line at women.
I ONLY DATE A WOMAN WHO CAN COOK
Good points Girly. I can go on for pages and pages (I think I will, but not here) about the ins and outs of picking up women. Smart, and worldly women are a campaign not a date (but they are the best catches), and the first date is usually much like a job interview. Not to mention the guy has to pass the guy test of all the Girl's Guy Friends. This usually happens on the 2nd to 5th date. Keep those friends...and NEVER EVER make doodoo where you like to snack. ie. don't get romantic with one of them on the way home after a few to many cocktails.
We girls can be sooo picky but thats the thing we have to be, so i totally agree with you 100%, having straight guy friends shows us exactly why we are so picky, I love my guy friends to death dont get me wrong, its just that, well you see how they can treat girls at times and realise that they may be including us as one of the guys!! but we then come to a realisation that we need to be picky to get what we want and make it last
I think we all get "picky" after we get hurt a few times. Of course taking pickiness to the extreme is a good way to be lonely for the rest of your life.
Even good looking finacially stable men have skeletons in their closets. Besides alot of people carry on a bit differently online than they do in real life so how do you truly know how to make a sound judgement?
Even if you marry Mr. right there will be complications. Many (not all) people set the bar so high now days it borders on being delusional.
Also what if say a nice intelligent man has a disability or is not living high on the hog. Is that automatic grounds to say "Access denied!"?
The biggest problem is in the past couples tried really hard to work through problems. In the present one argument can lead to a break up or divorce. We need to learn to practice "effort" again.
How would you feel if the roles were switched and the guys were overly picky about you? How about guys constantly say NO NO NO to you not give you much of any chance? Only on the first dates the men say oh we had a nice time but no thanks for the second date and you really liked that guy. Huh how would you feel? I guarantee you, you would bitch, moan and cry to your girlfriends that the guys don't give you any chance. But oh WAIT in women's mind's it's all very OK that women can be so overly picky starting with the oh so over rated MAJOR criteria that women so much overly emphasize is men's HEIGHT and the list can keep going on and on and on for women.
Then comes the date and women these days has so so so WAY overly high expectations on the first date that the men MUST JUST MUST be on his A++ game or you women just say nope without even thinking. What if he was nervous? What if that guy takes a little longer to get warmed up to talk it up? Women these days just want that PERFECT robot guy that on a first date he is the PERFECT talker, of course is the oh so popular ASSHOLE, he doesn’t miss a beat, he is of course absolute perfect on the first date, he can read the women’s mind that women want. GEEZE wouldn't life be really boring with the MAN ROBOT so many women want. Men and women are not f****** PERFECT!!! Give the men second dates and you ladies will get much much further!!
girly_girl09 says:
8 months ago
thank you! I enjoyed writing it. :)