Today after I got to work (which is entirely too early I might add), my wife texted me and told me there was a story on the news that a man was watching porn in his car in rush hour traffic and caused a 5 car pile up. Yes, you read right, a guy was watching porn and driving...what has the world cum to? HA! My first thought was..."was it David Duchovny?" Nope, it wasn't David... just some Joe Blow getting his rocks off on the highway.

Apparently the guy came clean to the authorities and said he didn't want to watch it at home because his wife would find out. Now, before I really get into the meat and potatoes of this jerk-off (yes pun was intended) let me say that if I was in an accident and found out that the reason was because some asshole was squeezing his rod, I would have no choice but to kick him in the groin at least five to six times. I mean, what the fuck...who starts jacking in the middle of traffic anyway?

Then I started thing about this guy and I think the reason this happened is because he likes the excitement of being on the verge of being caught. He probably gets off on the chance he could be noticed fondling his ball bag and stroking his cock. He probably gets a rush thinking of all the people he is surrounded by and that has no has an idea he is about to drop a load in his car. I am sure he has been doing this for years but today he finally he go too wrapped up in the moment and lost control, or took his eyes off the road for too long then CRASH!

I wonder if he got out of the car without pulling his pants up and just kind of stumbled out of his vehicle with his dick blowing in the breeze. He probably had cumzies all over his leg and belly and just looked like an ass as the police officer was questioning him. How fucking embarrassing would it be to cause a 5 car pile up because you were trying to get off? What a fucking clown! I am sure his wife is so proud of him! I hope he doesn't have any children because they will be teased and ridiculed for the remainder of their school lives because Johnny Jacker couldn't contain himself.

Here is how it might go at school; "Hey there Joe, doesn't your dad play professional baseball?" "No why?" "Oh, I just heard he played for the Yankees... you sick fucker!" The kids all fall to their knees laughing! "Hey Joe, when you get in trouble does your dad ever spank you, or is he too busy spanking his monkey?" Again hilarity ensues.

Now I'm wondering about how this dude could be watching porn in the car anyway. I had a friend who had a DVD player installed in his dash and he would have movies on as we drove all over the country, but it actually gave me motion sickness so that wouldn't work for me. Regardless of the motion sickness, the monitor was easy to see from outside the car so if we decided to throw a porn in there, it would have been easily detected. Then I got to thinking, "what if he had a portable DVD player?" I have a small portable DVD player that I take on airplanes etc, but that would be hard to use also. First of all, if I absolutely needed to watch porn first thing in the morning on my commute to work, I would have to set the DVD player up so that it was out of sight from the other drivers and passengers in other cars. To do that, the DVD player would have to be laying flat on the passenger's seat. This would make watching the DVD harder because you would have to be looking down and to the right, very uncomfortable not to mention a terribly stiff neck!

Lastly, the people around this douche had to know something was going on because I am sure he was making a face as he was about to spill his seed on the steering wheel. He probably had some scrunched up look on his face looking as if he were about to sneeze when all of a sudden he started shaking and plowed into the car in front of him. It might have tipped off the other motorists that wondered why this guy had windshield wipers on the inside of his car too.

I wonder if when this guy is at home having sex with his wife, he fantasizes about cars and trucks. "Oh, yeah baby, turn those headlight on, blow that horn, oh, yeah...I am about to merge!!!" Well now I guess I have to be on the look-out for guys car-jacking! Get it? Car..JACKING..I kill myself.